I think the rhyme works well except from the 'drone' and 'moan'. I dont like the unholy bit either. It is very good though and i like it a lot, the tone is really felt and the rhythm is really clear in most parts. -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 17:23:56 04/30/01 Mon
Author: james
Subject:

I think the rhyme works well except from the 'drone' and 'moan'. I dont like the unholy bit either. It is very good though and i like it a lot, the tone is really felt and the rhythm is really clear in most parts.
In reply to: George Root 's message, "Lucas asked me to post something, so here's a sonnet I just wrote." on 16:27:02 04/29/01 Sun

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I almost like the light blue/dark blue thing but I don't. I don't mind 'subtleties' or 'unholy.' I like the rhyme but I'm not sure if it adds much to the meaning or just makes it seem crazy different. The lack of rhyme with 'room' makes me want to say 'brokoom' so the rhythm is broken there, very dramatic and quite funny in a way. The break made me expect a major change in content/tone in the second half, but there wasn't much of a change.... -- luke, 05:43:22 05/01/01 Tue

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...The rhythm is all very good, especially the last 3 lines. I don't like the third last line, seems a bit wet. -- luke, 05:44:26 05/01/01 Tue

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