i quite like the use of 'dead' at the end. it kind of throws you off because of your deliberately child-poem type rhthytm thing goign you just expect it to be 'head' and 'dead' is nicely disturbing :) but again i have no idea what the whole thing means so i'm not sure if 'dead' really is appropriate. but i like the kind of spooky feel it gives to the whole thing. personally i'm ditching poetry for a while and will go back to prose... you'll see in my next one -- Some Let Me Make You

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 05:44:58 08/19/01 Sun
Author: zeina
Subject: i quite like the use of 'dead' at the end. it kind of throws you off because of your deliberately child-poem type rhthytm thing goign you just expect it to be 'head' and 'dead' is nicely disturbing :) but again i have no idea what the whole thing means so i'm not sure if 'dead' really is appropriate. but i like the kind of spooky feel it gives to the whole thing. personally i'm ditching poetry for a while and will go back to prose... you'll see in my next one
In reply to: james 's message, "Bear with me its the best i could do in the meantime" on 22:46:00 08/15/01 Wed

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> really quite funky. The first line of the third stanza isn't so good but good enough to fit and better that you keep up the pattern. The last line might be pushing it. I think 'shattered husk' was enough of a shocker that the other shock in the last line was unneeded but it rhymes so hey whatever. i know I said all this before. -- luke, 18:00:49 08/21/01 Tue

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]