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Date Posted: 05:44:58 08/19/01 Sun
Author: zeina
Subject: i quite like the use of 'dead' at the end. it kind of throws you off because of your deliberately child-poem type rhthytm thing goign you just expect it to be 'head' and 'dead' is nicely disturbing :) but again i have no idea what the whole thing means so i'm not sure if 'dead' really is appropriate. but i like the kind of spooky feel it gives to the whole thing. personally i'm ditching poetry for a while and will go back to prose... you'll see in my next one
In reply to: james 's message, "Bear with me its the best i could do in the meantime" on 22:46:00 08/15/01 Wed


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[> really quite funky. The first line of the third stanza isn't so good but good enough to fit and better that you keep up the pattern. The last line might be pushing it. I think 'shattered husk' was enough of a shocker that the other shock in the last line was unneeded but it rhymes so hey whatever. i know I said all this before. -- luke, 18:00:49 08/21/01 Tue

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