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Date Posted: 18:00:49 08/21/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: really quite funky. The first line of the third stanza isn't so good but good enough to fit and better that you keep up the pattern. The last line might be pushing it. I think 'shattered husk' was enough of a shocker that the other shock in the last line was unneeded but it rhymes so hey whatever. i know I said all this before.
In reply to: james 's message, "Bear with me its the best i could do in the meantime" on 22:46:00 08/15/01 Wed


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[> It's possible you didn't intend it but the partial rhyme in the second and third lines makes them sound more relaxed than the corresponding lines in the last stanza. It works -- luke, 18:20:00 08/21/01 Tue

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