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Last edited by author: Tue October 09, 2007 06:16:58   Edited 3 times.

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• 4. Well I don't know about reading them, but I felt very peaceful writing them. I felt like they'd come back to a place they could rebuild from. (NT) -- celtgirl, 09:54:11 10/09/07 Tue

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• Well, my first response to the first question is that we never really know the effect of such things. For them, under the particular circumstances, I think it will fortify their relationship, in that the time apart was not by choice. Those things I feel are what you make of them, and for them, I agree with Cindy, it was a place to start again, to rebuild. (NT) -- bug, 16:07:48 10/09/07 Tue

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• Q1) As much as someone may tell you, and as well as you may know them, and as empathetic as you may both be, I think it's almost impossible to truly understand what the other person went through. Your feelings, and your interpretation of their feelings, are coloured and shaped by so many things both past and present. The effect it has on a marriage, or any other relationship, depends on how the people involved handle it, are they supportive or dismissive? Do they accept responsibility where warranted? Do they forgive or at least let go of resentments and hurt where warranted? (NT) -- Carla, 17:52:05 10/09/07 Tue

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• Q2) I think it cost Casey a deal of his pride to have to go to Jamie for help and to realise that if it all went beyond saving, he may have thrown Pamela straight into Jamie's arms. I think it also made him realise that with Pamela in his life, the consequences of his actions rebound even more on her than on himself. For Pamela, I think it cost her the last of any innocence she may have been harbouring and any illusions about just how difficult being married to Casey would be at times. I hope it also showed them that their love is worth fighting for, worth getting past the things that have stood unspoken between them in the last few months. (NT) -- Carla, 17:55:05 10/09/07 Tue

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• Q3) I think Pamela's heart and head have been in conflict since she first fell in love with Casey. On the surface, Jamie would be much better than Casey, the IRA member, in her life. But when you dig deeper, I think Casey is the best man for Pamela. Jamie would have protected her and "saved" her all her life. With Casey, she's grown even stronger and more capable, she's had to face some pretty rough truths and come to terms with them and has grown as a person as a result. In this particular scene, she wants to be mad at him, wants to resent him for the pain he's put her through but she can't. She simply loves him too much. And I think part of her head knows that she's in for in no matter what she does. If she stays with Casey, life will never be simple or easy and she'll always wonder if he'll come home that night. If she left him, she'd still be wondering and worrying about him, that kind of love can't be shut off like a tap, nor ever truly erased from your heart. (NT) -- Carla, 17:59:16 10/09/07 Tue
  • I've seriously been thinking about these questions all day (great questions Tracy and deep :-) but was unable to come up with anything in reply that made sense. Your comment 'she wants to be mad at him, wants to resent him' struck a chord with me. Each time I've read this book, I've wondered - why the hell is she so mad at him? It's not like he went out and got lifted on purpose. I understand her anger with him about not visiting in prison and I think I've come to some kind of understanding overall...but I'd like to hear y'all thoughts on this. I can think of times I get mad at Glenn and it's through no fault of his own...but it seems selfish after the fact and I feel bad. (NT) -- Marilyn, 20:01:00 10/09/07 Tue
    • I went through a period of total irrational anger with Pat, that I'll relay some other time, but it came close to really doing bad things to our relationship. It's not uncommon to be angry when they're away for a long stretch, whether it was by choice or not. Pat and I have found the longer we're apart the worse we get along too. Here she's mad because she didn't know if he was dead or alive for two full weeks. (NT) -- celtgirl in Vancouver, 20:48:20 10/09/07 Tue
      • Anger is a way to vent one's emotions, even if it is an inappropriate response for a situation, but it's better than blowing one's top! CINDY, did you see our pleading messages on the pub for you to please come visit us at the Sheraton on the 18th. You're probably spending the night in Vancouver again, so come see us - please! (NT) -- Denise, 21:16:05 10/09/07 Tue
      • Good to see ya in Vancouver girl :-) Safe and uneventful travel to 'The Happiest Place on Earth' today :-) (NT) -- Marilyn, 06:43:29 10/10/07 Wed
    • As Cindy said, it's not a rational anger, but, as Denise said, it's a way to vent pent-up emotions. My mom, who worked for many years as a paediatirc emergency nurse says many parents were often furious at their children for getting badly hurt. It's a reaction to fear and worry in some people. Most strong emotions have no basis in reality or logical reason behind them. (NT) -- Carla, 05:26:15 10/10/07 Wed
      • Thanks y'all :-) This is kind of what I figured out in my mind yesterday. That sometimes when there are just so many other strong emotions rollin' around inside you - it tends to come out as anger. I remembered my Grandmother got really p/o'd at my Grandfather for dying and leaving her alone. At the time I was like 'how the hell is she gonna be mad at a dead man'. Like I said, every read has left me wondering why Pamela had so much anger but I never took the time to try and figure it out - and that's one of the GREAT things about discussing the book here :-) (NT) -- Marilyn, 06:21:59 10/10/07 Wed
        • I do have to say that I agree with you Marilyn; she knew what he was when she married him and she asked to marry him so in many ways, she can't be angry at him for that and he certainly tried harder to stay out of trouble in this book then he did in EU, but as the others have said, anger isn't always rational- she's afraid for him and that makes her angry. He can't help that unless he can make her stop loving him. (NT) -- susiej, 10:49:21 10/10/07 Wed

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• 4) Just, as Cindy said, a sense of peace. That it would take some work, but things would be alright between them. They still loved each other and that was enough for the moment and enough to go forward. (NT) -- Carla, 18:00:39 10/09/07 Tue
  • Just wanted to say that I've read your answers and they are all beautifully stated! (NT) -- Denise, 19:59:07 10/09/07 Tue

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• 58.4) *Sigh* and Thank God :-) Yes I felt relief, ok we can go forward..it's enough for now. I still had Love Hagerty haunting my peace of mind though. (NT) -- Marilyn, 20:03:34 10/09/07 Tue