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[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4 ]

Welcome to The Brush's Puzzle/Teaser Board. The purpose of this board is to post teasers or puzzles. Others then try and solve them. If answers to puzzles are fairly short, post them WITHIN the "subject" box. Anything else will be SWISHSHSHSHSHed off; this includes 1 + 1 = ? (too easy) puzzles. Also includes OLD puzzles, like "angry/hungry", "3 house/utilities","$30 hotel room","12 coins", and similar oldies.
Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:07:29 04/07/03 Mon
A man's business trip is cancelled and he is at home with a rather nervous wife.
They go to bed, but about midnight, the phone rings.
The man rolls over and answered... "Hello?" "What?" "How the hell should I know, I live in Phoenix."
He hangs up and his wife asks, "Who was it dear?"
"Just some idiot who wanted to know if --e ----- --- --e--!"

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Subject: Puzzle


Author:
denis borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:32:32 08/31/13 Sat
Cryptic clue:
The Lady left, right?(5)

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Subject: Gas


Author:
Curly
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:24:02 08/31/13 Sat
The price of gas is too low!!(lol)

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Subject: Cryptic crossword


Author:
Denis Borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:07:48 03/25/03 Tue
This is my first (and probably last!) cryptic crossword:

BB = blank (needs letter); XX = blacked out

01 XX 02 XX 03 04 BB 05 BB 06 BB 07 BB
08 BB BB BB XX BB XX BB XX BB XX BB XX
BB XX BB XX 09 BB BB BB BB BB BB BB BB
10 BB BB BB BB BB XX BB XX BB XX BB XX
BB XX BB XX BB XX 11 BB BB BB 12 XX 13
14 BB BB BB BB XX BB XX XX 15 BB BB BB
BB XX BB XX 16 BB BB BB 17 XX BB XX BB
18 BB BB 19 XX XX BB XX 20 BB BB BB BB
BB XX 21 BB BB 22 BB XX BB XX BB XX BB
XX 23 XX BB XX BB XX 24 BB BB BB BB BB
25 BB BB BB BB BB BB BB BB XX BB XX BB
XX BB XX BB XX BB XX BB XX 26 BB BB BB
27 BB BB BB BB BB BB BB BB XX BB XX BB
ACROSS:
3: Good time date: pick up modern dancer! (9)
8: Not quite shut, due to a shock (4)
9: Transient Ron met Amy for a quickie! (9)
10: Considerable coverage of the head VIP (6)
11: Not bright: like a fussy woman! (5)
14: Queen Elizabeth in affluent empire (5)
15: A light choice (4)
16: At last, a sailor gets a crown (5)
18: Is acquainted with loud refusals (4)
20: Clubs lead: Kings to open (5)
21: Cache of French grass (5)
24: Finally in today: tail of clam fish (6)
25: Buck store makes a killing (9)
26: Maxwell, the 5th agent to turn up (4)
27: Issue has a short run on learning (9)
DOWN:
1: Cutting accurately around a windblown brier (9)
2: Bank got purchased (9)
4: Anxious over no age restriction (4)
5: Looks at back picture of sexy star (5)
6: Instead, she ends up with a pad (6)
7: Standard circuit - top model (4)
9: Sounds like a bit of muscle (5)
11: Arrange a notice: quick! (5)
12: Lack of disguise due to stripped cape (9)
13: Unruly youngsters are ripoffs (9)
17: Bitter drug contains a shot of rye! (5)
19: Back in a jiff! (6)
22: Start with onion tips and a clutch of eggs (5)
23: Spot for a short, short notice (4)
24: 13th letter with no note (4)

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Subject: Jokr


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:57:19 04/06/03 Sun
A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation. Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."
His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long ---e --- -----
----- --?

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:38:26 04/05/03 Sat
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
"----'- ------e!"

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:16:37 04/04/03 Fri
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. My husband ---- ----e- -- --e ----."

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Subject: Londoners


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:15:50 03/30/03 Sun
1. Ten Fail? Instead, aggrandize them (7)
2. Pains in the neck unfortunately rule again (9)
3. Work with others to bury abandoned cat (8)
4. Treasures set out seem damaged ((7)
5. Train pass must be ordered for those wanting to get on (9)
6. Two fairies - ring not required for those numbers ((7)
7. Relatively generous with colour (7)

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:41:08 04/03/03 Thu
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
Falwell replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen woman than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't ---- --e-e --- - -----e..."

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:28:21 04/01/03 Tue
Walking past the big wooden fence around the insane asylum, a guy hears everyone inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and looks inside.
All of a sudden a finger shoots through the hole and pokes out his eye, and the inmates start wildly chanting,
"--------!--------!--------!"

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:50:36 03/30/03 Sun
"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five drop dead gorgeous women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "--e--e, --e-- -- ----!"

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:24:16 03/29/03 Sat
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.

"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"

"Because," the gentleman said, "I ----'- -ee- --e --e-."

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:33:18 03/28/03 Fri
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The -e----- of --e---"

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Subject: Kids advice to kids


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:35:12 03/27/03 Thu

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's -- --e ----e.

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Subject: Kids advice..........


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:54:27 03/23/03 Sun

If you want a kitten, start out by ------ --- - ----e.

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Subject: London crypts old chaps


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:47:16 03/23/03 Sun
1. unusual concoction of ale and spice (8)
2. a qualification men met - and otherwise (9)
3. he's supposed to send youngters off (7)
4. new head is set on sticking (8)
5. so men meet to exhange memorabilia (9)
6. expects it was a problem (6)

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Subject: Kids advice to kids by Taylia (11)


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:14:44 03/22/03 Sat

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her b---- ----
h---.

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:32:28 03/21/03 Fri

Sue:Pat is so fat.

Shirley:How fat is she?

Sue:So fat that when she stands on a scale
it says "... -- -e -------e-."

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Subject: The Father, the Son and the holy Crypt


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:25:12 03/16/03 Sun
1. sign limit on Rhode Island grain (9)
2. author going into American president being woodworker (9)
3. fool around with TV doctor and emergency room (9)
4. First Lady near Northwest Territories for occasion (5)
5. spectacles by initially good girls (7)
6. like small enclosure for poplar (5)
7. ailment from stumbling upon a mine (9)
8. something valuable a girl sent back (5)
9. army manoeuvre for which charts and maps are required
(5,4)
10. trainee acted irregularly (5)

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:54:18 03/20/03 Thu
Remi was standing on the green,waiting to putt,when a ball
sailed through the sky and hit him square on the head. The
three men he was playing with grabbed his arms to prevent
him from falling.Meanwhile, the golfer who had hit the wild
shot came rushing up to the green, worried sick.Before he
could say anything,Remi told him,"I'm going to sue you for
five million dollars!"
"B-b-b-u-u-t," stuttered the man,"I yelled fore!"
Remi quickly replied,"---- -'-- ---e --!"

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Subject: Kid Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:26:14 03/19/03 Wed

Why did the belt go to jail?

Because it -e-- -- - ---- -- -----.

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Subject: Have you ever wondered?


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:06:44 03/15/03 Sat

How does the guy who drives the snowplow -e- -- ---- --
--e -------?

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Subject: TO DR. DON JOHNSON


Author:
THE BRUSH
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:31:40 03/14/03 Fri
It seems by the content of your recent post that you've mistaken this board for "The Brush's Unsolicited Medical Statement Forum".
If this is the case, please pay closer attention in the future.
If not, please feel free to advertise your medical "breakthroughs" elsewhere.

All the best,
- The Brush

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Subject: said in court


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:38:04 03/14/03 Fri

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there --- -----?

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Subject: Said in court


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:28:35 03/13/03 Thu

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: e-e-- -e--.

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Subject: Another one


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:56:57 03/12/03 Wed

RECTUM: Dang near ----e- ---

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Subject: Easy after mass crypts


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:14:05 03/09/03 Sun
1. insubordinate spilled beer and left (5)
2. attack returned in letters (5)
3. gets around question of seals (7)
4. salt water contains most dreadful sulphur (9)
5. risks fury in South Dakota uprising (7)
6. american president gets battle to advance (7)

May the cryptic Gods guide you.

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Subject: Medical definition again


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:32:01 03/11/03 Tue

OUTPATIENT: A person --- --- -----e-

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Subject: Another medical definition


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:04:03 03/08/03 Sat

HUMERUS: To -e-- -- ---- -e ---- -- -e--.

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Subject: A crypt


Author:
Denis Borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:19:10 03/07/03 Fri
Big Andy Dean is jumping on top of Mary Garland! (6)

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Subject: Sunday cryptin


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:30:22 03/02/03 Sun
1. Marx brother put up with talk show host (5)
2. Let off steam about time being sacred ((9)
3. Pet monikers sicken man terribly (9)
4. Delete a dropout in yearbook (5)
5. Sells tire swing in garden fistures? (9)
6. Sault organization in Oklohoma city (5)
7. Lower South Carolina bird (5)
8. Muzzles rabbits around Scottish lock (9)
9. Left twice, interrupting affirmative shouts (5)

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Subject: Medical definition


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:05:24 03/07/03 Fri

PARADOX : -w- -------

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Subject: Medical definition


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:46:47 03/06/03 Thu

DILATE: To ---e - ---- ---e.

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Replies:
Subject: Holy crypt


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:18:05 02/23/03 Sun
1. not at all difficult, even for a minor (15)
2. will meant to reform following the trial (9)
3. the fellows go round at one for some Indian food (8)
4. or ran arts organization with storytellers (9)
5. stop canoeists' movement (9)
6. delay, that is, with intimate apparel (8)
7. salad vegetable put right on a plate (6)
8. funnyman to arrive with famous princess, nearly (8)

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Replies:
Subject: Need some help!!!


Author:
Treval
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:04:18 03/01/03 Sat
Does anyone know why the O.K. corral is so called?? (i don't know the answer)

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Replies:
Subject: medical definition


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:12:22 03/05/03 Wed

INTESTINE - Currently -----g -- e---

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Subject: another medical definition


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:28:18 03/02/03 Sun

BUNION ----'- ------e

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Subject: Help


Author:
Bart
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:48:43 02/28/03 Fri
What food tastes better than it sounds and its last syllable sounds like a boy or gir's first or last name?

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Replies:
Subject: Medical definition (funny)


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:05:54 03/01/03 Sat

PAP SMEAR - To -----e- ---- ----e-.

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Subject: Kid joke


Author:
Jimbo
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Date Posted: 09:44:15 02/28/03 Fri
Did you hear about the kidnapping?

His mother _ _ _ _ , _ _ _ , _ _ .

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:03:38 02/28/03 Fri

Did you hear the one about the student who got a hundred
in geometry without studying?

He knew --- --e ----e-.

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Subject: fresh crypt


Author:
Denis Borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:05:55 02/26/03 Wed
Toy with wheel again appears in top fifty list (4)

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Subject: Wise saying


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:13:31 02/26/03 Wed

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse ----
--- ------.

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Subject: another fresh crypt


Author:
Denis Borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:28:04 02/26/03 Wed
Pet and tickle Chief Robins! (6,5)

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Replies:
Subject: The perks of being over 50


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:56:11 02/25/03 Tue

In a hostage situation you are likely to be -e-e--e- -----

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Subject: A wife's devotion


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:35:23 02/23/03 Sun


DEVOTION

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think ---'-- --- ----."

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:29:20 02/24/03 Mon

A man goes to the Doctor with

a piece of lettuce hanging out

of his ear.


"That looks nasty," says the

doctor.


"Nasty?!?" replies the man,

"this is just the --- -- --- -------"

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:00:51 02/22/03 Sat

Painting

A bum walked up to a fancy house and knocked on the door, saying "I'm really down on my luck, and would really appreciate any help that you could give me." The owner said rather gruffly, "Every penny I have, I earned. I'm not going to give you a handout. However, if you walk around back, you'll find a brush and a can of paint. If you paint the porch, come back here and I'll give you what I think you're worth."

15 minutes later the bum knocked again on the front door. The owner was shocked, and said "How did you finish so quickly?" The bum said, "Well, I worked as hard as I could because I really wanted to please you.

By the way, there's something that you should know:
it's a ---,--- - -------."

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Subject: Just one


Author:
Denis Borris
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 02:14:14 02/20/03 Thu
(I really like this one; not mine)

Mary's friend cries about a car (4)

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Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:46:55 02/21/03 Fri

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookup for sixteen
----e-e- ---------.

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Replies:
Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:27:14 02/20/03 Thu

Herb: Yesterday I met a cousin on the street whom I
hadn't seen in 20 years!

Sue: What's he been doing?

Herb: --e--- -e---.

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Replies:
Subject: Crypts


Author:
Cardinal Fang
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:31:21 02/18/03 Tue
I'm sure I'll get razzed on a couple of these...

1) Beauty sounded the alarm. (4)
2) Brakes left stains. (5)
3) Capital punishment. (5)
4) Diseased man returned, causing disgust. (5)
5) Turn handle to let go. (5)
6) Purse snatch. (6)
7) Delegate like Mark. (6)
8) Lover reflected after heart-break. (6)
9) Code for weight. (7)
10) Crashed server finally came back up. (7)

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Replies:
Subject: Puzzle


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:19:30 02/17/03 Mon

When a runner reached the end of the long grueling marathon,
everyone was amazed to see him continue to run.

Why did he do this?

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Replies:
Subject: Found these easy crypts in my sacristy


Author:
Father Tim
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:25:42 02/16/03 Sun
1. company in red returning furnishings (5)
2. illegal liquor in no homes, surprisingly (9)
3. town messenger around Arizona is wilder (7)
4. rescue involving university is smooth (5)
5. head of department interrupts dinner for award (5)

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Replies:
Subject: Does this happen in your office?


Author:
Jimbo
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:26:31 02/05/03 Wed
Nobody wants to be stuck with a bad pen.
So what happens when yours starts leaking or skipping?
You switch it with someone else's of course!

Erratic pen circles the joint. (6)

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Replies:
Subject: Another.....


Author:
Foggy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 03:43:13 02/17/03 Mon

One-armed bandits blend cash lost in 'em ( 4, 8 )

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Replies:
Subject: A little crypt from Foggy....


Author:
Foggy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 03:36:28 02/17/03 Mon

Eccentric, genuine class for oldtime actor ( 4,8 )

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Replies:
Subject: Joke


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:25:57 02/15/03 Sat
SEC.STATE Colin Powell was recently approached by an Iraqi
newspaper reporter and accusingly asked, "Isn't it true that only
13 percent of young Americans can locate Iraq on a map?"

Secretary Powell stopped, turned, and stated "Yes, it's true. But,
unfortunately for you, all 13 percent are ----e- ----e-
-----e-."

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Replies:
Subject: Will Rogers said:


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:21:35 02/15/03 Sat

Don't squat ---- ---- ----- --.

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Replies:
Subject: Will Rogers said:


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:34:16 02/14/03 Fri

Never slap a man who's --e---- -------.

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Replies:
Subject: by Will Rogers


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:17:10 02/13/03 Thu

Never kick a cow chip -- - --- ---.

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Replies:
Subject: Medical term


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 06:31:12 02/11/03 Tue

Ex:BARIUM - What you do when the patient dies

Enema: -------e -- - ---e--

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Replies:
Subject: Name that tune.


Author:
Remi
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:00:49 02/06/03 Thu
These are transportation songs.(car,train,etc.)

1.About a large car engine by a west coast beach group.
2.About an older female person behind the wheel by J & D.
3.About a famous Pontiac which is coming back in 2004.
4.About a hot rod by Johnny Bond.
5.Famous song by Willie Nelson.
6.Famous song by Ray Charles.
7.Famous train song by Johnny Mercer.
8.Famous train song by Glenn Miller.
9.Famous train song by Gladys Knight.
10.Famous train song by the Stanley Brothers.

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