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>>Hi Jeff, thank you so much for your reply, and sorry >>for not replying to you sooner. I have been so busy >>with work and with the boys’ new lifestyle - I hope >>you understand. You've given my wife and I lots to >>consider, so thank you. I will try to reply to your >>questions and comments one at a time. >> >>>Wow, sounds like you really hit the ground running. >>>Growing up, I sort of got the impression it was >>>illegal to wear diapers after you were a baby. Like >it >>>felt ingrained that even if they didnt look >>>uncomfortable, you were supposed to hate them anyways >>>and never use them again. >>>So it's interesting to hear from other perspectives >>>who have no hangups about using diapers well after >>>potty training. What did you think when you first >read >>>about diaper discipline, did it surprise you or sound >>>like something you could ever fathom doing? >> >>It surprised us yes. At first, we thought it was quite >>extreme (and possibly illegal) to force teenage >>children to wear and use diapers as a form of >>punishment. But the more we read about it, the more we >>came to understand its benefits (especially for >>improving bad behaviour). We didn't think we would >>ever need to use it on our kids. But over the past >>year or so, as we started having to deal with more and >>more behavoural issues, it became the obvious choice. >> >>>I'm guessing the kids had never heard of the idea or >>>known anyone else to get it until you sprung it on >>them. >>>What kind of diapers did you use and how did you >>>acquire them so fast? >> >>Your guess is correct, Peter and Chase had never heard >>of diaper discipline, or anyone over the age of 3-4 >>who has to wear diapers. They were completely in shock >>when we told them they would not only have to wear >>them, but also use them. They said we were ruining >>their lives forever, and refused to speak to us for >>the first few days (thankfully that has gotten >>better). Currently, the boys wear disposable diapers, >>but I'll admit that my wife and I hadn't really >>thought that part through financially and logistically >>(we forgot just how many diapers two boys can go >>through!). So we'll be switching them over to cloth >>diapers very soon to save on cost. The boys will have >>to wash and clean their own diapers of course. It >>shouldn't be a chore my wife ends up doing. >> >>>I do hope by now the other kids at school are more >>>understanding. Did you talk to the school ahead of >>>time or make arrangements where they can go get >>>changed? >> >>Yes, we talked to the school beforehand. Although we >>told them they were having bladder and bowel control >>issues (we weren't sure if they would understand our >>choice to use diaper discipline). They weren't too >>happy since it's a bit of a hassle for the school >>nurse, but they understood. The boys can go to the >>school nurse at any time to get changed. Chase usually >>gets a diaper change once or twice at school every >>day, usually at morning break or lunch break. Peter is >>very embarassed going to the nurse, so he's been >>holding in his pee at school, or else doing his last >>few classes in a messy diaper so he doesn't have to be >>changed. Either way, we can tell because he comes home >>every day in a dirty diaper. We're not too happy with >>this since it's not healthy. So we're working on >>convincing him that it's better for him to use his >>diaper and get changed at school. >> >>>I suspect that without being allowed to wear anything >>>over their diapers at home, they won't want to invite >>>anyone over. I do think they should still see friends >>>and interact with other kids their age, just >obviously >>>not the ones they smoked with and got drunk. Do you >>>have any close family friends or kids from school you >>>know the parents well, and could set up a playdate. >>>Make sure the friends know that while respectfully >>>asking questions is allowed, teasing is not. You dont >>>want them to become isolated and withdrawn. They >>>should still do most of the stuff teens their age do, >>>minus the parts that got them in trouble. >> >>Yes, we agree with this. It's probably something we >>didn't consider enough before putting the boys back in >>diapers. They have a few friends who know the family >>very well that I'm very fond of. I spoke to their >>parents and they're happy to come over, even with the >>boys diapered. It's now just whether Chase and Peter >>are ready to invite them - we don't want to force them >>if they're not comfortable. But we'll think about >>arranging a playdate to ‘break the ice’ sooner >>rather than later. And we don't want to put their >>lives on pause just because they have to wear diapers >>now. My hope is that they get up to all the fun >>teenage boys should be getting up to, only now wearing >>diapers. >> >>>Hopefully, they get over the shock and sulking phase >>>soon, realize it isnt the end of the world for them >>>and be more obedient. Im sure you've reassured them >>>you love them both very much and given lots of >cuddles >>>but you could also offer a night out for pizza or a >>>time at their favorite activity center for >cooperating >>>with their diaper changes. >> >>Yes, I hope so too. My wife and I have been on our >>best behaviour with regard to being nice to the two >>boys, since we know it's very tough for them. We've >>given them lots of cuddles and told them we love them >>lots. Peter rolls his eyes and groans when we try to >>hug him, but I suppose what can you expect from a 15 >>year old boy! Chase is a lot more receptive to it, >>being younger. But Peter has recently started saying >>‘love you too’ back to us again when we tell him >>we love him (although it's usually not much more than >>a mumble), which is a big step forwards. We haven't >>rewarded them yet, but that's a good idea. Currently >>they are strictly on a baby-friendly diet, so maybe we >>could give them ice-cream, but not pizza. Although we >>think their diet might be a bit too harsh at the >>moment, so my wife and I are thinking about letting >>them eat grown-up food again, at least sometimes (but >>we're still deciding what to do with regards to this). >>Or we might reward them by letting them play their >>Nintendos for a few hours on weekends (currently they >>are not allowed to use them). Or, like you said, by >>treating them to a night out at the local activity >>centre, or at the cinema, or rock climbing, or any >>other positive activity that teenage boys would enjoy. >> >>>I am curious why you >>>decided to start this for 12 whole months before they >>>get a chance to earn potty privileges back. That has >>>to feel like an eternity to kids that age and I >wonder >>>if a shorter time might give them more encouragement >>>to shape up. >> >>Jeff, my wife and I were really struck by this, but >>after thinking about it for a while now, we think >>you're right. It's hard for us to remember how long >>twelve months felt like at that age. We haven't told >>the boys yet, but we're thinking of reviewing their >>behaviour every three months instead. That being said, >>our suspicion is that the boys may still end up being >>in diapers after twelve months anyway. But yes, it >>will be more fair to review their behaviour >>frequently, rather than infrequently. >> >>>There isn't necesarily a most correct way but I think >>>you definitely want them to feel like their life isnt >>>over, they just have a constant reminder to behave on >>>their butts, and while you now will spend more time >>>with them, they should feel open to share more of >what >>>they're feeling or reflect on why they were acting >out >>>so much recently. >> >>Yes, this is a good point. We have encouraged them to >>open up and share their feelings, worries, and >>thoughts with us. And we have told them that it will >>contribute positively to whether we decide to take >>them out of diapers or not. Chase has been very good >>at opening up to us so far. Peter still doesn't like >>opening up, but we hope that changes with time. Both >>boys are still very upset about being diaper >>disciplined, but as you said, it's good for them to >>have “a constant reminder on their butts” that >>they need to behave. The idea is that the boys will >>automatically reflect on their behaviour every time >>they have to pee or poop themselves, and that they now >>have a real incentive to behave more appropriately in >>future. >> >>Thanks again Jeff for writing, and I hope to hear from >>you soon. :) > >No problem. > >You mentioned realizing the benefits of diaper >discipline the more you read about it. Did it match up >with the results you have gotten after implementing >it? Why do you feel it became (as you put it) an >obvious choice? Was the boys reaction what you were >expecting, or was there any worry they would resist or >try to take their diapers off? > >When I asked what kind of diapers you were using, I >meant what brand of disposables and where did you get >them? Because you might be able to find a better price >with bulk orders online, possibly with monthly >subscriptions from some suppliers or even stuffers >that make a change not needed as often. > >I have a feeling the boys will like the cloth even >less, so you might offer to let them wear the >disposables sometimes if their behavior is good. And >it's good that you have some close family friends who >are still happy to bring their kids over. Sounds like >they must have been understanding and supportive upon >learning of your boys new rules. > >I'm curious why you feel the boys will still be in >diapers after 12 months. Of course there's no rule >that says if you take them out at any point, the >diapers can never come back. If their behavior >improves to where you want it, you could still keep >the diapers at the ready for shorter stints around the >house such as a weekend, or family events. > >But that still sounds like a long way off. In the >meantime, you mentioned changing them on the kitchen >table. I'm sure that works perfectly fine and getting >an actual changing table (like other posters have >mentioned) would be a big hassle. But you might want >to make sure there are no distractions around the room >(like a tv) nearby. Or sometimes change the boys >individually so you can encourage some one on one >conversations.

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