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>Hi Jeff, thank you so much for your reply, and sorry >for not replying to you sooner. I have been so busy >with work and with the boys’ new lifestyle - I hope >you understand. You've given my wife and I lots to >consider, so thank you. I will try to reply to your >questions and comments one at a time. > >>Wow, sounds like you really hit the ground running. >>Growing up, I sort of got the impression it was >>illegal to wear diapers after you were a baby. Like it >>felt ingrained that even if they didnt look >>uncomfortable, you were supposed to hate them anyways >>and never use them again. >>So it's interesting to hear from other perspectives >>who have no hangups about using diapers well after >>potty training. What did you think when you first read >>about diaper discipline, did it surprise you or sound >>like something you could ever fathom doing? > >It surprised us yes. At first, we thought it was quite >extreme (and possibly illegal) to force teenage >children to wear and use diapers as a form of >punishment. But the more we read about it, the more we >came to understand its benefits (especially for >improving bad behaviour). We didn't think we would >ever need to use it on our kids. But over the past >year or so, as we started having to deal with more and >more behavoural issues, it became the obvious choice. > >>I'm guessing the kids had never heard of the idea or >>known anyone else to get it until you sprung it on >them. >>What kind of diapers did you use and how did you >>acquire them so fast? > >Your guess is correct, Peter and Chase had never heard >of diaper discipline, or anyone over the age of 3-4 >who has to wear diapers. They were completely in shock >when we told them they would not only have to wear >them, but also use them. They said we were ruining >their lives forever, and refused to speak to us for >the first few days (thankfully that has gotten >better). Currently, the boys wear disposable diapers, >but I'll admit that my wife and I hadn't really >thought that part through financially and logistically >(we forgot just how many diapers two boys can go >through!). So we'll be switching them over to cloth >diapers very soon to save on cost. The boys will have >to wash and clean their own diapers of course. It >shouldn't be a chore my wife ends up doing. > >>I do hope by now the other kids at school are more >>understanding. Did you talk to the school ahead of >>time or make arrangements where they can go get >>changed? > >Yes, we talked to the school beforehand. Although we >told them they were having bladder and bowel control >issues (we weren't sure if they would understand our >choice to use diaper discipline). They weren't too >happy since it's a bit of a hassle for the school >nurse, but they understood. The boys can go to the >school nurse at any time to get changed. Chase usually >gets a diaper change once or twice at school every >day, usually at morning break or lunch break. Peter is >very embarassed going to the nurse, so he's been >holding in his pee at school, or else doing his last >few classes in a messy diaper so he doesn't have to be >changed. Either way, we can tell because he comes home >every day in a dirty diaper. We're not too happy with >this since it's not healthy. So we're working on >convincing him that it's better for him to use his >diaper and get changed at school. > >>I suspect that without being allowed to wear anything >>over their diapers at home, they won't want to invite >>anyone over. I do think they should still see friends >>and interact with other kids their age, just obviously >>not the ones they smoked with and got drunk. Do you >>have any close family friends or kids from school you >>know the parents well, and could set up a playdate. >>Make sure the friends know that while respectfully >>asking questions is allowed, teasing is not. You dont >>want them to become isolated and withdrawn. They >>should still do most of the stuff teens their age do, >>minus the parts that got them in trouble. > >Yes, we agree with this. It's probably something we >didn't consider enough before putting the boys back in >diapers. They have a few friends who know the family >very well that I'm very fond of. I spoke to their >parents and they're happy to come over, even with the >boys diapered. It's now just whether Chase and Peter >are ready to invite them - we don't want to force them >if they're not comfortable. But we'll think about >arranging a playdate to ‘break the ice’ sooner >rather than later. And we don't want to put their >lives on pause just because they have to wear diapers >now. My hope is that they get up to all the fun >teenage boys should be getting up to, only now wearing >diapers. > >>Hopefully, they get over the shock and sulking phase >>soon, realize it isnt the end of the world for them >>and be more obedient. Im sure you've reassured them >>you love them both very much and given lots of cuddles >>but you could also offer a night out for pizza or a >>time at their favorite activity center for cooperating >>with their diaper changes. > >Yes, I hope so too. My wife and I have been on our >best behaviour with regard to being nice to the two >boys, since we know it's very tough for them. We've >given them lots of cuddles and told them we love them >lots. Peter rolls his eyes and groans when we try to >hug him, but I suppose what can you expect from a 15 >year old boy! Chase is a lot more receptive to it, >being younger. But Peter has recently started saying >‘love you too’ back to us again when we tell him >we love him (although it's usually not much more than >a mumble), which is a big step forwards. We haven't >rewarded them yet, but that's a good idea. Currently >they are strictly on a baby-friendly diet, so maybe we >could give them ice-cream, but not pizza. Although we >think their diet might be a bit too harsh at the >moment, so my wife and I are thinking about letting >them eat grown-up food again, at least sometimes (but >we're still deciding what to do with regards to this). >Or we might reward them by letting them play their >Nintendos for a few hours on weekends (currently they >are not allowed to use them). Or, like you said, by >treating them to a night out at the local activity >centre, or at the cinema, or rock climbing, or any >other positive activity that teenage boys would enjoy. > >>I am curious why you >>decided to start this for 12 whole months before they >>get a chance to earn potty privileges back. That has >>to feel like an eternity to kids that age and I wonder >>if a shorter time might give them more encouragement >>to shape up. > >Jeff, my wife and I were really struck by this, but >after thinking about it for a while now, we think >you're right. It's hard for us to remember how long >twelve months felt like at that age. We haven't told >the boys yet, but we're thinking of reviewing their >behaviour every three months instead. That being said, >our suspicion is that the boys may still end up being >in diapers after twelve months anyway. But yes, it >will be more fair to review their behaviour >frequently, rather than infrequently. > >>There isn't necesarily a most correct way but I think >>you definitely want them to feel like their life isnt >>over, they just have a constant reminder to behave on >>their butts, and while you now will spend more time >>with them, they should feel open to share more of what >>they're feeling or reflect on why they were acting out >>so much recently. > >Yes, this is a good point. We have encouraged them to >open up and share their feelings, worries, and >thoughts with us. And we have told them that it will >contribute positively to whether we decide to take >them out of diapers or not. Chase has been very good >at opening up to us so far. Peter still doesn't like >opening up, but we hope that changes with time. Both >boys are still very upset about being diaper >disciplined, but as you said, it's good for them to >have “a constant reminder on their butts” that >they need to behave. The idea is that the boys will >automatically reflect on their behaviour every time >they have to pee or poop themselves, and that they now >have a real incentive to behave more appropriately in >future. > >Thanks again Jeff for writing, and I hope to hear from >you soon. :)

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