The bears yawn and continue their x-rated activities -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 08:36:51 05/08/03 Thu
Author: Kande's Sis holding forth on U.S. policy
Subject: The bears yawn and continue their x-rated activities
In reply to: kande 's message, "Kenamom and SO reach for the hooded sweatshirt." on 07:57:56 05/08/03 Thu

"Enough!" screams Shawn. "I can't take any more! Clearly, neither of you know anything about U.S. policy, driving, or the Canadian names for foods that are made in America!"

The sisters blink. Blink. Blink again. Shawn finds herself falling into a hypnotic trance. Kande turns her over to the gift shop counter girl who has been checking her watch and filing her nails.

"Where are those bears?" KS mutters. If their nefarious plot had gone as planned, Shawn and the Mayor would have been eaten by now. But noooo. Clearly the bears only responded to Canadian code. KS motions to Kande to follow her and the two creep of the stairs while S.O. and the Mayor get into a arm wrestling match with the counter girl being the referee.

"If we get to the transmitter I hid behind that totem pole," KS informs Kande as they jog down the path towards the ski trails, "we'll be able to transmit our hypnotic suggestions to all Canadians to follow our rule." The sisters give each other a thumb's up. Suddenly, their jog is cut short by three men. One is holding a camera and another a microphone.

"Hi! We're from Sas-catch-you're-on TV and would like you to sing our football song!" one with polished skin and eye liner tells them brightly.

"Outta my way! We're off to rule the world!" Kande tells them rudely. "Besides, neither of us can sing."

KS looks at the trio thoughtfully. "No, no, Kande, this is a great opportunity." She takes the microphone. "But we get to make up our own song."

The men look at each other. "Er...well, OK."

Both Kande and KS take a deep breath and combining all of their known Wilco tunes they burst out with:

"Canada! Be very frightened!
Our grip on your government has tightened!
We rule,
So don't be a fool,
Give up! Give up now!

Canada! You are now in the throes
Of a government made up of your foes
That's us!
So don't you dare fuss,
Bow down! Bow down to us now!"

There were many more lines, but by now the three men were lying at the sister's feet, holding their ears and begging them to stop. KS turns and grins at her sister.

"Stop, you evil empire fiends!" The sisters turn around to see the Mayor limping down the walk, S.O. permanently attached to her foot. KS sighs.

"I'd hoped we wouldn't have to do this, but the Mayor leaves me no choice." She hands a weapon to Kande. "Now, on the count of three. Go!"

"Bang-ety, bang-ety, bang-ety!"

"Stab-ety, stab-ety, stab-ety!"

Meanwhile, the Bubba's three have been slowly making their way through a variety of ethnic restaurants and waiting for the sisters to message them to start their end of the invasion. Bubba pats his rotund little stomach which has the remains of Indian, Greek, and Thai food still encased. Mini Bubba grabs the hem of Bubba's new shorts and motions towards another shop.

"Yum, donuts," the trio obediently trot into the Canadian equivalent of Krispy Kreme.

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Replies:

"THATS ENOUGH" -- kenamom yells, 09:24:25 05/08/03 Thu
- As the sisters and S.O. hurtle down the highway -- Kande's Sis, 17:24:06 05/09/03 Fri
  - Shawn and the Mayor sip tea in the sunshine... -- kenamom, offering Shawn a little spirit for her tea, 19:11:36 05/10/03 Sat
    - The triumphant trio splits up in Portland -- kande, 03:54:08 05/12/03 Mon
      - Back at her Oregon retreat -- Kande's Sis, 14:16:38 05/12/03 Mon