| Subject: fuck html |
Author:
Jason
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Date Posted: 19:38:27 08/08/01 Wed
In reply to:
jason
's message, "Re: the baord was broken, so word." on 19:33:19 08/08/01 Wed
grrrrrr i dount christina's portion showed up on the last post, because of my < > tags, so i reposted it differently.....
since the board seems to be fixed now, i'll post my response to this here rather than in email...
******second, i take real issue with you saying that you work a forty hour day and you don't just sit on your ass making prints. to me, it feels like you're implying that we (i) sit on our (my) ass(es) and just do what? press the keys? monitor a couple people?******
i was not implying anything of anyone else. i was stating something of mine.
******well i can tell you right now, yes i have access to a computer and online. too bad if i open netscape for more than five minutes it slows the entire CENTER down. so that's not really an option when i am working. i usually do my work after hours, when theyve stopped paying me, and i sit on their system and write e-mails. or i do it when i get home. or i do it before i take a shower to go to work. i get up early JUST to do that. if i cant do it, ill pass the info along to someone who can so it at least gets followed up by someone.******
and the time i tried to pass up info because i was going down to San Diego, i didnt receive a very warm response, and then after that it seemed like i had NO info at all.
******all my yelling aside, i don't think anyone is not wanting the help that you CAN provide around your schedule. everyone appreciates help and input and just giving whatever you can to a project. but do you honestly believe the time you DO have available to dedicate to this is on the level of host time? i mean, if we really got down to it, and we were drawing names to see who won the tickets or whatever they give us and whatever, do you think you'd honestly deserve it compared to say, audrey? and we don't want it to get to a compare this and that and nitpick level, but i don't see ANY way to avoid that other than if we all are putting as much physical time and effort into it as the rest, which i think we're all trying to do. that way, there can't be a real tally like that. and the tally really can't be drawn, i feel, except in the case of any of us compared to your levels.
and this is not a jason is a bad friend, god i hate jason! post. i swear it isn't, and i totally don't want it to be taken that way. it's a this is how i am feeling and to be perfectly honest, if you won that drawing over me, i'd feel completely cheated and pissed off as compared to like, valerie winning it over me. or anyone else.******
even though i stated from Day ONE that i was not doing this for the backstage passes or getting to any show of my choice or any other reason then to help RAINN out. and i am NOT about to compare everyone off to each other.
******it would be one thing if you've been continually in contact with all of us, giving your input, maybe sending some jpegs of suggestions for fliers, offering to place some before you go to work around the places that you work by, etc. but i don't feel that you have been consistent with even the input.******
maybe because by the time i knew about most of the fliers it was "hey we printed fliers, we have 500 of them!". but when i have seen them beforehand i have put my input in, and most of them i liked as they were so i said that.
and who do you think designed the website? i did. no offense or nitpicking to audrey, actually props to audrey because she had to redo some of the designs because the files i saved on disk wouldnt open up on her computer, but i made and typed up the layout and we stayed up two long nights getting it up. and i'm not trying to say "oooh i did the website, i shouldnt have to do anything else" or rate that, but has anyone ever asked me to update the website with any info or input? i havent heard anything.
and to be honest, since we are being honest here, before i went down to San Diego i was helping in what i could (website/licking-stuffing-stamping envelopes)because i knew what was going on, but after i came back, i find everything out on this board after its happened.
******in my case, i am going to be gone for a reallllly crucial part of this, and i wish i could be here for those two weeks, but i had my schedule planned before the date of this event and i told everyone in the beginning. but that doesn't mean im going to be like f it for now, lalala. that's why we have this board, to keep updates, to keep in touch. im still going to be emailing people, checking on things, seeing if any more raffle tickets have been sold, recruiting sara's friends to buy tickets and possibly people at her school if it's in session.
if this is nothing new and you knew your work hours were going to be *that* large of a toll, i feel that you should have bowed out earlier.******
i'm saying it was nothing new to you all. it was something i stated from day one.
******david felt like it was too much of a toll, albeit for other reasons, he stepped out. nick felt like it was too much of a toll with his boyfriend needing dicking, he was relieved to be relieved of duties. i know i wanted to work with my friends, but if i felt like it was going to kill me, which it almost has at points, and i couldnt just could not flat out do it, i would have stopped. i personally would rather have someone with me 110% or not at all. because anything less than 110%, you cant tell how far you can trust them with important duties that need to be followed through with. even given duties, i haven't seen some follow through with those. like really, we now know we could have gotten the rozy or the palace for a thousand dollars. it would have cut our expenses in half, if not more because we wouldnt need plates, utensils, or anything along those lines. we could have charged less and aimed for more people. and you were assigned venues. yet, you didnt call any of them to my knowledge. you didnt pass the information to anyone else, telling them that you couldnt do it, but here's the info so someone else can. i didnt hear anything. i was assigned hotels but stopped calling because they were all well over $2000.00. you could have easily have emailed me and asked me to do some. i would have happily have done it. but instead, it was a totally unchecked resource.******
here we go with the assuming...did you even ask me? i called the roxy and left a message. noone called back. how do we know we could have gotten that place for a grand? i was going to call the palladium but dor seemed jazzed on that idea so i asked her if she wanted to and she said she would. i called at least 2 ( i think it was 3 )other smaller club places which i cant remember because it was too long ago for me to remember, and i left messages with all concerning booking, and noone, NOONE called me back. and by the time i was ready to start looking for another listing of clubs, i was told we were gonna do Quest. so *that* is why i didnt pass any info off to anyone (except dor) because there was no info to pass off.
******and we all procrastinate and put things off, but i know if i need to hand something off because i dont have time, i can trust anyone in the group to follow through with it. i dont feel that way about passing it to you. i also havent seen any intiative, something you thought of on your own and followed through with. not that that's always a good thing, but the emails were something simple that didnt need group approval. trying to sell raffle tickets to coworkers, that doesnt neeed approval.******
and like i stated above, thats exactly why i didnt feel like i knew what was going on until after it happened. if you couldnt trust me i wish you would have stated that earlier rather than, what is it now? 16 days before the event?
******this turned into something much longer than i envisioned, but there you go. again, i'm not saying (and i dont think anyone else would) that you're a bad person or a bad friend or whatever. but if you have too much going on in your life, that's cool. just SAY so. this is a VOLUNTARY event. if you cant give the time, then why stress over it?******
i guess i'm stressing over it NOW because i'm finding out NOW that noone trusted me or thought me "host-worthy" lately...and when was this ever going to be adressed if i had never mentioned anything? was it ever? or was i just going to find out after this thing that you all kinda scratched my name off of anything under the word "host"?
******i guess the part that bothers me is you dont even seem like you're stressing over it. but obviously, this takes time. NONE of this was just thrown in our laps. we all have similiarly long schedules packed with stuff and with a lack of money, but we've all have seemed to manage somehow.******
and up until now i wasnt stressing about this maybe because i try NOT to stress about things no matter how stressful they are, but lately this has just been added to this HUGE shitlist in my life that keeps piling up and i'm sorry if my back is finally breaking and i'm not mr. happy right now but fuck it, i can only take so much.
******either let us know how we can help you to manage and make you an intergral part, or honestly, you need to consider not trying to. i know everyone would love any help you have to offer, now until then, but i personally feel like it's too late to be host help level.******
i didnt know there were certain levels set for achievement. i asked to be in charge of the auction, i helped in creating the website and have stated ideas in maintaining it further on past the event, i stuffed/licked/stamped envelopes, i emailed some musicians and companies about the event but unfortunately noone but Jewel's team responded (which i do have to follow up on like right now), i have passed out the few fliers i received before last night to shops in westwood and asked them to post them (whether or not they did is another question) and now that i have more fliers i can follow up on those, and this saturday (since i get paid on friday) i was going to make some full page fliers and go around WeHo stores and ask them to post them. is there something more i'm supposed to be doing? or should have done? please tell me.
******first, i wouldnt want you to kill yourself trying to make up for lost time, if you were at all considering that. and second, i dont think it could be done. and i understand if that seems shoddy to you, accepting your help but not putting it at that level, but my "goal" or feelings aren't to ban you from the event or participating or anything like that, which is why i leave that open to you to decide. the ball is totally in your court as far as i am concerned.******
and as far as i'm concerned, i'm hurt.
thats all i can think of. i know there's been talks about people, behind people's backs, cuz i've been there hearing it, but deep down i kinda thought there was none going on behind mine because i wasnt talking behind others (karma...call me silly), but i know there was/maybe still is, i dont know, and thats what hurt.
if any of you/all of you thought i wasn't pulling in my "fair share" of the weight, i wish you would have fucking asked me..but now it's this huge long post.
these past four days i found out my dad had to have surgery last week because if he hadnt he would have died, or lost his arm at the least, i had to call 911 at work because of some freak in my store and in calling 911 for the first time let me just say NOT a fun thing to do, and i had this mp3 thing over my head, which is the only reason why i thought about bowing out of this, because i know Dor has done a lot more work on this than i have and i did not want things to be tense for this event. for fucks sake its a charity event. so i asked Valerie her opinion on whether i should stay or not on the issue of it being too tense between me and Dor, and Valerie responded that they wanted to have a meeting with me discussing that and discussing my involvement with the event, or "lack thereof" as concluded by some, but instead i opted to post what i did because i thought that was the basis of what was to be discussed. i think i can say now that Dor and I have at least set things aside and agreed that it should not affect this event, so the issue of it being too tense between me and Dor is not my concern anymore. my concern is that i feel like i've been stabbed in the back. and if it's going to keep on like this counting down the days until this event let me know now because i wont be apart of that. *that* is what would kill me, and like you said, i shouldn't allow that to happen.
And despite everything else that has happened in the last four days, this takes the cake...
Jason
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