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Subject: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: Friday, January 17, 2025, 09:34: am Huge Huge News AV, This has been in the works for a few weeks now. I didn't say anything on here because I didn't want to jinx it for sitter. So her mom has a new squeeze now and she is moving out of her house this weekend and they are moving in with him officially this weekend. Their home now will be over 30 minutes away from city limits and then for sitter to drive to her school would take about another 10 to 15 minutes because it is on the other side of the city. Mom had three choices to board her daughter during the week. Sitter confided in me that she is afraid of her grandfather. I didn't press her on why but it horrified me because why the grandfather and not the grandmother? Or her Aunt and Uncle would board her. They have two teen age sons in school. Sitter is also upset that they would learn I give her enemas. I know money talks with mom so I made her a financial offer that was ridicules and she took it. With the cost of food I will lose money but I will gain a troubled girl who needs my help. So that she does not drive to school early in the mornings on some very rural miles of road she will come here Sun. afternoons or early evening and board here with us until she gets out of school on Fridays. Starting this Sunday. I am so pumped! I haven't told her yet what her toileting will require but she will get soapsuds clean outs when she arrives on Sun. And a required bowel movement every evening. This time not with suppository but a very small enema like Andrea's daughter has. She will be required to stop by here right after school Fri. for that bowel movement before she heads home for the weekend. So then Saturday is the only day that I don't get a bowel movement from her. Her colon and rectum are finally going to get the rest they need in order to get some serious healing done. We have also moved any appointment with a specialist for now. Probably will reschedule her later this Winter or Spring. From what I have observed with toileting her this several weeks I thing the girl just needs to have a daily poop and she will be fine. She seems to be feeling great and she has put on four pounds since the first clean out she had. She is a small thing so four pounds is significant. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Andrea [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Friday, January 17, 2025, 10:38: am Shelly that is incredible news! I am so relieved that you will be able to get a bowel movement from her daily. And since you won't know what she produces on Saturday when she is not with you I fully agree give her a good cleaning on Sunday evening. Get a Cara or other brand of 8oz. bulb syringe. I know you give her enemas bent over your left leg and that is fine but see if she wants to give herself her enema and you just observe in some way to make sure it is taken. Gives her a chance to take some responsibility for her bowel movements. She may still want you to give her these enemas too. My daughter refuses to give herself her enema but she will come and get me when she is ready for it. I give it to her in the diaper position on her bed. I make her grab the back of her knees and pull her legs to her chest. Real easy for an enema application. Then she has to hold it for just a couple of minutes. It is not necessary that this daily enema get into the sigmoid but you just want a couple of minutes of retention to stimulate a good rectal contraction response from feeling the increased volume. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Friday, January 17, 2025, 01:11: pm Shelly, This is awesome news. Really is. She will love to hear that. Excitement is coming to your household. Little junior will not know when his enema day will be, lol. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Friday, January 17, 2025, 10:22: pm Sitter is staying with us this weekend. We have kicked hubby out of the man cave in the basement and that will be her bedroom. We have to go get paint and wall decorations tomorrow and a bed. She is bringing her dresser drawers from her bedroom. We have to paint this weekend. Right now it is butterscotch and brown and that just won't do! It is a big room so she gets to keep the 52" flat screen and the couch. There is a toilet and sink but no shower so she will have privacy. She will do her enemas and toileting for me down there. She is right now curled up on the couch watching youtube videos on her new flat screen. She had no tv in her bedroom at home so she is in heaven. We don't have cable tv but there is a PS 4 down there and so she has all kinds of games. And it has access to our internet router and Play Station Plus subscription to access Youtube. We just did a suppository as soon as she got here this afternoon because we had so much to talk about and do. She took junior in for his bath and enema and shut the door and stayed in there with him and I was never called to help. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2025, 02:20: am Shelly, What was her reaction when you told her she would be staying with your family? You two are going to have fun painting and decorating the room. Wow! Sitter probably said to little junior again, “now listen here buttercup”. lol. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2025, 07:30: am AV, She told me last week that our family had been chosen to board her. She was working her mom really hard to let her stay with us. It just wasn't official until mom called me and confirmed it. I feel like I have gained that daughter that I always wanted. She is a freshman so I hope I will have her for three years. She probably has some inkling I'm going to toilet train her but she likely doesn't realize I'm going to get a poop out of her every night. However, she of course will not be here on Saturday to poop and I will give her a reprieve on Mondays after emptying her colon on Sun. But for the other five days she will poop. Just as she is getting ready for bed each night if she hasn't pooped she gets a bulb syringe enema. It's up to her if she wants to sit and try to have a bowel movement through the course of the evening or not. Fri. of course she will stop by and a enema right away. No sitting chances. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Kitten Paw [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2025, 08:10: am Well brace yourself. She is fifteen. Rebellion age. You tell her she has to give you a bowel movement every night but you don't make your boys give you a bowel movement every night? How do you think she is going to like that? After living with you for about two weeks she is going to start treating you like she does her mom. She is going to start resisting and back talking when you tell her it is time for her enemas. Bet me!! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2025, 08:20: am Shelly, I love this story. I love everything about it. So amazing how it all came and is coming together. I am so proud to be a virtual part. I do hope it works out. But keep kitten paw’s thoughts in mind though. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Andrea [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2025, 12:54: pm Kitten Paw is probably right Shelly. If you are not getting a bowel movement from your boys each evening your babysitter is going to resist you. After living with you for a while she is going to react to direction from you just like she does her mother. You will have replaced her mother in terms of daily guidance and discipline. No matter how sweet she is now there will be discipline issues with a 15 year old. She has a car so you are soon going to find out she has a sense of independence and free will to come 'home' when she darn well feels she needs to. You can not demand she come 'home' straight from school every day so how are you going to handle that? My 10 year old took time to settle in to a daily bowel movement. She fought and resisted until she realized it was going to happen every evening and it was pointless to complain about it. Babysitter is going to resist your daily requirement sooner than you might expect. But stay the course this is so important that she give you a bowel movement every day she is there except for Monday of course because you emptied her the night before. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2025, 11:58: am You all are probably right. We have a problem. So we were painting her bedroom and she says to me, "so I told mom now that I'm going to live with you that she can't make me have suppositories and enemas and make you potty train me. I'm almost 16 and I can so no I don't want to be potty trained any more. I know how to go to the bathroom". I was not expecting that. I said, "I'm not training you. I'm training your body. You will be able to so no you don't want to give me a bowel movement or your mom a bowel movement when you are 18." "You will give me a bowel movement every night you are here. Starting tonight. You may choose to do sits it you want, I won't make you. But if you haven't pooped by bedtime I will get a poop from you, do you understand me?" No response. "Do you understand me?" Still no response. The bulb syringe was delivered yesterday and we had a bit of an argument at bed time and then I got a bowel movement from her and she went to bed not happy with me. And she gets a clean out tonight and she won't be happy about that. We are not getting off to a good start. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2025, 12:36: pm She just got out of bed a few minutes ago. Didn't grab anything to eat. Walked out the door saying she had more things to get from home. After I know she is fully moved in we are going to have a rule she does not just walk out my door without telling me why and where and when she will be back. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2025, 02:02: pm Shelly, I am so sorry this is already happening. Sitter looked at all of this as punishment from her mom it seems and potty training. Hopefully with your relationship with her, a peaceful talk can take place without getting any more uglier. You are giving her the option to sit and have a movement. She claims she knows how to go to the bathroom. If so, she needs to show you she can, if not, an enema. I hate for the boys to see this get ugly. Hopefully a respectful conversation can take place. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 10:09: am AV, I think Kitten Paw was right. She sees no serious threat that she will have to submit for 'Enemas 'Til Clear' from the Home Health Care nurses because she figures they are not going to drive 25 miles out in the country to give her enemas. So now her enema battle has been reduced to just a fight with me. We had planned on using the three days she had off from school to getting the man cave room transformed in to an awesome teenage bedroom. We got about half of it painted Sat. We were going to finish up yesterday on the painting. And today go look for wall art or posters or wall hangings and any other furnishings to top the decoration off for her. She left in a huff Sun. morning, turned her phone off so I couldn't communicate with her and was a no-show all day. Finally as it was getting close to dark I called her mother and she said yes daughter was helping move and since she didn't have school on Mon. she would just stay over night at the new house. And she was going to help mom clean at the old house today. I'm trying not to feel disrespected. She owes a good soapsuds enema clean out when she shows up today. And if she turns her phone off because she doesn't use it I might just confiscate it for a few days. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 11:13: am Shelly, Kitten Paw has been right on everything. Nailed everything to a tee. I hope a peaceful conversation and respectful talk comes forth but if not, Shelly, you do what you have to do. Sounds like sitter needs a good soapsuds cleaning. How are the boys doing? [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Andrea [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 12:38: pm Shelly, As AV would say you are going to have to do a 'shock and awe' for sitter to get her attention or you will continue to get disrespected. I did this with my daughter when she continued to get more physical and abusive with her language about the third enema she needed. I went to Walgreens and got a bottle of Castor Oil laxative and mixed a double adult dose in a glass of orange juice and made her drink it. It is the most unpleasant, crampy way to get your colon emptied. Tell her if she doesn't drink the whole glass you take away phone and keys to car for the whole week. Do this only if she comes home at least for hours before bed time. Then I would get her up early in the morning and give her a good rinse enema because castor oil is of course an oil and she may leak and not know she is about to. Don't want that to happen to her at school. My daughter was 100% compliant after that experience. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Kitten Paw [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2025, 01:57: pm Shelly we are not the same 15 year olds you grew up with. We think we know more then you about most everything because we learn it on the internet. You are in for the fight you might not win putting her on the toilet to perform for you. She was coming to you to avoid another performance with the nurses that were almost her age. She doesn't have to fight off her mother now. Just you. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Kitten Paw [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 01:20: pm I agree. Yesterday turning her phone off and not coming for her clean out enemas was a test. If all you do is have a 'nicey sweety' talk about her bowel movements and she has to do her make up soapy enema then you failed the test. She won! There was no consequence for dissing you. I've never had to take castor oil but I would rather have one of dad's spankings because I've heard moms tell mother about making their kids take castor oil to clean them out and they tell her they cry from the camping because it goes on four a couple of hours. If you don't want to give her the castor oil then your husband needs to give her corner time with pants and underwear down and then a good spanking. She needs consequences for her disrespecting you. I have had several over the years and it always is a good attitude adjustment for me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 01:56: pm Kitten paw, You have been right about everything. And I agree with you 100%. Shelly, she disrespected you. And kitten paw is right, this is just the beginning of testing you. Like Andrea brought up, an “awe and shock” is what is needed. We know Castor Oil would do the trick for sure. She would definitely get a rude awakening. And then a soapsud enema after she is cleaned out with the castro oil. She plans to stay with you and there must be respect. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 04:23: pm Husband and I are trying hard to get her bedroom finished except for what she would want to pick out for posters or wall art so I had Walmart delivery bring me a bottle of castor oil laxative and orange juice. What a delivery! Mom's new squeeze dropped sitter's chest of drawers about 15 minutes ago and said sitter would be heading this way momentarily. She will be greeted with a beautiful bedroom just minus some wall decorations and a glass of orange juice to drink. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 06:21: pm Shelly, Those words she said to you, “I know how to go to the bathroom”, well, she is about to show you if you can get her to drink that glass of juice. What a rude awakening that is coming her way. She will not be able to fight those urges off at all. Total clean out plus you adding a nice soapsuds or rinse following will top it all off. Sad to say, you have to get her attention though. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 08:01: pm Anyone who has ever taken castor oil knows this and sitter if she drinks the orange juice will experience this first hand. This will cause her bowels to move, squeeze, and contract harder than they ever have and move more forcing her to push any stool out. Shelly, this will surely get her undivided attention afterwords. If she plans to stay with you long term, getting her attention and her understanding now is going to help. It is for her own good and her colon. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, January 20, 2025, 11:08: pm Well I believe we have come to an understanding how her toileting for a bowel movement will be a daily occurrence going forward. She arrived just after 3:00 pm. I got the same attitude that she is almost 16 now and she will know if she needs to have a bm or not. And she doesn't want any more enemas. I said, "well I do have an alternative. Drink this laxative in this orange juice. I don't really have time to give you your Sun. enemas that you missed anyway. I've been busy fixing you bedroom for you and I need to go get some dinner cooked for all of us". She said she would pass on the glass of orange so I grabbed her phone and keys laying there on her night table and headed for the stairs out of her bedroom. She came upstairs a few minutes later with the empty glass and asked for her keys and phone back. I gave them to her telling her I will Know in about an hour or so if she just poured it down the sink. She didn't! She had a very rough time with the castor oil for almost four hours. She was a little bit uncomfortable in one hour and then the awful cramping started. I only went down and checked on her twice because in our house you can hear the water pipes when someone flushes a toilet. For the next three hours she must have flushed the toilet 15 or more times. She was in tears with the cramping. She is on the toilet again now with her two quart rinse enema and she gave me no lip service at all when she saw me coming with her enema bag filled. 100% compliant. I hear the water pipes from a flush as I write. Attitude adjustment given Kitten Paw! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2025, 03:40: am Love it! Love it! Love it! If she was constipated in any way, that castor oil helped her push involuntarily. “She will know if she needs a BM or not.” Well, I guess she knew she needed one. The way you have described her bm struggles with large stool, she struggled in tears as the castor oil took over causing her to involuntarily push with the cramps. Her muscles are sore after a good workout. Sure you enjoyed given that enema to sitter. Sitter probably welcomed that enema as relief. Shelly, I must ask, were you smiling as you were writing? If not, know this, I am smiling as I am writing. 16 yr old attitude in check! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Shelly [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2025, 12:41: pm AV, I was flooded with emotions and trepidation after she drank the orange juice. What did I just do to this poor thing? A lot of new 'mommies to be' (not realizing what they have just done to them selves) take castor oil to induce labor because it makes all of the contraction muscles that both push out poop and push out babies start on fire. It gets things moving big time. For hours! But I must admit I enjoyed giving that enema more than any enema I have ever given. Like Kitten Paw said, she was testing me. And what a different girl that came up for breakfast this morning. Polite and responsive when spoken to. And this girl can eat! Of course she had to pass on dinner last night because she was a little busy and I guess castor oil makes the tummy not want food for a while. So tonight we will have that calm talk about "potty training" . And we will set some ground rules about freedom after school with her car and responding when I call or text. If she wishes we will take her shopping for wall decorations. And hubby went to an antique store this morning and found an antique pie safe. For those who don't know what an early 1900's pie safe is it is about six feet tall and three and a half feet wide, wooden free standing cabinet for cooling baked goods to keep the flies out of. They originally came with metal window like panels that had small holes punched in them to let air circulate while pies were cooling. Somebody has converted this into a mini clothes closet. Perfect for the amount of clothes she has to hang up. What a score! Very perky looking. She gets tonight off. No bowel movement required. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2025, 02:23: pm Yes, Kitten paw nailed it. Sitter was testing you. And was bold about it as well. I am so glad you took the approach you did. Well deserved!! No enema could have cleaned her out any better. That first trip to the bathroom as constipated as she probably was, was painful for her because the castor oil forced her to push. Then four hours afterwards of diarrhea and pain. Her bottom was on fire for sure. That enema went deeper into her as well with no trouble. You did good Shelly!!!!! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2025, 03:33: pm Shelly, That time mom gave me that laxative tablet and forced me to go and followed it with enemas. I remember how sore and burning my anus was after a few trips to the bathroom back to back. That nozzle of that enema went into me easily and I could feel the burn of my skin as it pierced me. I can only imagine how sitter felt when that long nozzle went all the way into her without any blockage in the way and her anus on fire. You got her attention. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Surrogate Parent Author: Joyce [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2025, 08:20: pm Shelly I think now may be the time to revisit the subject of carefully controlled use of Miralax. (see my post of December 14). After her experience with castor oil she may be ready to try something far gentler to slowly gain the bowel control she needs. Be sure to emphasize to Sitter that starting with a very low daily dose of Miralax will most likely have no effect at first. After the dose is gradually increased over a few weeks, she will begin to experience more BMs between her enemas until the BMs are almost daily. At that point it will be possible to reduce the frequency of enemas. If all goes well she will only need occasional enemas. (possibly only monthly) - Joyce [ Post a Reply to This Message ]