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Wednesday, April 15, 19:22:33

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Subject: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Jaycee (sad,hurt,confused) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 01/14/10 10:58pm Hi I'm Jaycee...I'm 23 graduating from nursing school in a month...me & a guy friend that were only involved with sex,he's 30...has a 7yr old...but now on to it...I vowed to never have an abortion cause its against my beliefs & it has many risk factors...he has threatened to no be involved with the child & he flat out going to have nothing to do with him or her,how could a person be so heartless when you have a child that you already love with all your heart & not another that's yours??? He told me abortion or just another statistic "child with no father!...I'm sad for my child & wondering if I should just not put him or her through not having a father....please help! [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/15/10 11:03am Hi Jaycee, I have no time to write at this moment because I should be leaving right now for an appointment. But I just wanted to let you know that I've read your message and will respond as soon as I get back. I will say that I gave birth to a child "who didn't have a father" 17 years ago and although his bio dad has never set eyes on him, he has the best DAD in the world. I'll talk to you in a little bit. Shellie

[> [> Subject: Re: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Jaycee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/15/10 12:07pm Ok thanx!

[> Subject: Re: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/15/10 11:46am Hi, Jaycee. I, too, can vouch for the fact that beautiful children can be raised without a biological father. 31 years ago, I got pregnant while in college. My boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion, and I actually went as far as to make an appointment to have one! But, I ended up cancelling it. I am SO incredibly glad that I did. My son when on to become a National Merit Scholar. He now has a little 1-year-old of his own (and he's a WONDERFUL father to him.) My son is one of the funniest, kindest, most loving people in the world. I cannot imagine the world without him in it. I ended up meeting a man who adopted him. My son thinks of him as his father (he cam into his life when he was 2.) It's challenging to raise a child alone, but it can be done. And, I think it is easier than raising a child with a contrary father. So, consider yourself sort of lucky that he's bowing out now. That will make it that much easier for you to find your child's "real" father should he come along ;-) I'll say a prayer for you. Sharon

[> Subject: Re: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/15/10 2:37pm Hi Jaycee, I would like to encourage you to listen to your own heart. You've said you don't want to abort, that's it's against your beliefs, so go with your beliefs! I know it's scary to think about going through this alone. And I know how much you'd prefer to have a father for your child. But not having a father is a temporary situation. There are plenty of men who are capable of loving a child as their own--I married such a man! We started going out just before my son turned 2. My son started calling him dada and loving him a as a dad without any coaxing from me. And this man couldn't help but fall in love with him, as well. : ) I've always credited my son for giving me my wonderful husband. Because before his birth, my choice in men was a bit scary! Once this little guy was in my life and his wellbeing was in my hands, I had more to think about when choosing whom to bring into my life. Do you have friends and family who are supportive? Family can be a bit tough at first, but they almost always become supportive. My family was a big help when I was going through this. My dad and my son had such a wonderful relationship that I didn't worry about him missing out on a dad at that point. He also had a bunch of uncles and other family members to love on him. You can do this Jaycee. And hopefully your little will have the same impact on you as my son did. It's time to start loving yourself. You deserve better than a man who only wants to have sex with you. Don't get me wrong; I'm not putting you down. I'm just pointing out a fact. You deserve much better than that. Please continue to post and let us know how you're doing. Prayers and hugs to you! Shellie

[> Subject: Re: unplanned pregnancy,hes not my BF,he is Pressuring me to abort! Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/20/10 1:35pm Hi Jaycee, I can't add too much to what the others have said except that I now have a 5-1/2 mo. old granddaughter who is the joy of my life, her grandpa's life, and my daughter's life. The situation with the baby's dad is similar. She is applying for child support now, but he has not seen her nor inquired about her. He is mostly trying to duck responsibility at this point. To be honest, right now I wish she could just do without his help at all because he is out of the picture and it's probably a lot less complicated that way. I can't help but feel sad for him, though. He's really missing out. You have a lot of time to plan and think things through with or without the baby's father. I have found, though, that a lot of times it is just a manipulative threat. Otherwise, I really don't know how someone can just ignore their own child. It definitely boggles my mind. Go with your heart. It's unlikely that he will be there to pick up the pieces if you go against all you believe for his benefit if he can't be there for you when you have your baby. That's my two cents. If I can do anything to help, let me know. P.S. I haven't been on these boards much lately, but feel free to e-mail me also.