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Subject: pregnant... need advice Author: Mary [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 12/ 8/06 8:40pm Hi Everyone, I'm pregnant (I'm starting to hate that word)I'm 21. I'm in school, I haven't been with the baby's father very long. The idea of being a parent scares me to death. It is no part of my plan. I've looked into adoption and it doesn't sound like something I can live with. I found out about my condition before I was even three weeks pregnant; I'm eleven now. I feel like termination of this pregnancy is the only reasonable option I have. I know that if I want an abortion I need to take some action but I'm like a deer in the headlights. I am overwhelmed. Everyday I wake up with dread. I feel so alone. Can anyone relate? What do I do? [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/ 9/06 9:18pm Hi Mary, I'm happy to see you're giving yourself time to think. Many women rush to make a decision, and this is definitely not one that should be made in haste. An unplanned pregnancy is one of the scariest things to face. It's normal to want OUT of it. It's normal to want things to "go back to normal". You need to realize though that a termination will not send you back in time before the pregnancy. You will then have to live with the fact that you ended your first pregnancy. Many women who choose to abort suffer with guilt and regret for the rest of their lives. So remember that an abortion won't erase this. Right now you're scared--a very normal reaction. Even women who plan a pregnancy can experience a sense of fear about becoming a parent. Be careful not to let fear be your guide. Many times our fears are much worst than what reality proves to be. How does your boyfriend feel about the pregnancy? How does he feel about terminating/continuing? Are his thoughts influencing your decision? Do you think a future with him is a possibility? Does your family know of your pregnancy? Are they supportive? I'd love to hear more about your situation. And I'd like to better explain my thoughts, so I do look forward to talking with you again. Feel free to post here as often as you like. Sometimes just writing out your thoughts can be helpful. Take care, Shellie

[> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/ 9/06 11:24pm Hi, Mary, I think what you said about adoption is a clue to how you know you will feel about this by the time you give birth. Your worries and concerns are a temporary situation. You know you will love your child. Your child is now completely formed, though still small. I urge you to try to have a 3D ultrasound. Meet your baby. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby! Many women have been in your position, either thinking that abortion is their only choice, or thinking they won't be good mothers. We are pregnant for nine months for a reason. It is so we can prepare. The fact you waited this long and you feel like a deer in headlights tells me you probably don't want an abortion, even though you feel it is your only choice. Is it because you feel you can't go to school and raise a child? Well, I did it. By the time I graduated from college, I had four children, three of them preschoolers. If I can do it, so can you! There are many people who are willing to help you so that you don't have to be alone. They can help with the practical and financial problems, and with learning how to be a good mother. I have raised seven children, and I am here to answer any questions you might have. I would be delighted! One thing about motherhood is that you have a chance to grow into it. Taking care of a baby is not complicated at all. Just keep it simple. Examine your heart. What do you really WANT to do? Do you want to harm your baby? You must make a decision you can live with. I think you realize abortion is forever. Once you have an abortion, you can't take it back. So many, many women would give anything to take it back! Make sure you know exactly how developed your baby is, and what abortion will do to him or her. Get information. The more information you have, the more satisfied you will be with your decision. Don't expect the abortionist or his staff to give you accurate information. They will lose a sale if you don't have an abortion. Here is a good site to get information and help: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ Good luck to you! Feel free to come here any time. We will be here for you, no matter what, and we will pray for you. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/10/06 5:02pm I agree with the above. Also wanted to let you know from my own personal experience that i have had planned and unplanned pregnancies and had that deer in headlights feelings with both. Theres allways moments where you wonder if you can do it and have everything work out ok. While ever you have a decision like this it's easy to think of the worst case scenario, it's much easier to dream up some horrible fate when you're allready afraid but the reality of motherhood is often pleasantly surprising and not half as frightening as you might fear. Thats not to say that there aren't adjustments to be made but just to say that you can't know what the future holds for you even without having an unplanned pregnancy. If you allready feel that giving your baby up for adoption would be too difficult then i think thats a pretty good indicator that you allready feel love for this child and would make a wonderful mother. You're not feeling ready i know, i wasn't either but your baby is here now. It's not just an idea in your mind it's a reality that's all too easy to dismiss(or abort) when you can't 'see' what you have inside of you. I think that if you can have an sonogram even a 2d one and still feel that you can go ahead with an abortion then so be it. But you'll find when you look over at that screen a pefect miniature human being will be kicking and waving his or her little arms about floating happily inside of you it becomes nearly impossible to deny the reality of what is taking place inside of your body. You won't be able to help but want to hold your stomach and smile. I realise i come across as being biased against having an abortion and i am. But by no means can i judge you if you decide to have one as i have had more than one. Thats why i know that for me having those abortions only compounded the problem for me despite my less than ideal circumstances. My state of confusion about continuing the pregnancy and my fear and dread was also laced with a little specail feeling too. I was scared but i also knew deep down that something very special was taking place. I felt that loss when i had an abortion and my confusion and fear was relpaced with deep searing regret and helpless rage (at myself and the abortionists) because i coudln't take what i had done back. I felt it instantly afterwards, this emptiness like a deep aching to have my baby back. I wish that someone who had been through it before me could have explianed this to me before i had gone ahead with my abortions so that is where i am comming from telling this to you. If you don't continue your pregnancy you will most definately be needing some support afterwards because its not an easy road. Unplanned pregnancy and motherhood has it's difficulties too but none that you are helpless to do anything about and there are alot of people and places out there ready to support you through that as well.The end result is a positive life affirming one that anyone could be proud of. Motherhood is ultimately a rewarding experience. Where there is life there is hope. Please do come back and let us know how youre feeling and whats happening for you regardless of your decision.

[> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Andie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/10/06 11:21pm I believe I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 21 and to be honest I'm not 100% positive that I'm pregnant. I won't even be able to take a home test till this weekend and I believe without a doubt that I am (I'm already spotting). I have no idea about waht to do and have the "deer in the headlight" feeling too. I'm so overwhelmed with anxiety also. I know how you feel.

[> [> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/11/06 6:18pm Hi Andie, As you can see by Mary's post your feelings are not at all uncommon! In fact, I'd say they are not so far from the norm in many cases. I have responded to Mary in the other thread she started, so if you look there I imagine my response to you would be similar. Is there something we can do to help? Please let me know what you find out either way and if there is anything I can do to help. --Melanie

[> [> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/12/06 6:14pm Andie, I am a little confused by your message. You say you are already spotting. I would suppose that means you are NOT pregnant. Please let us know how the test turns out, and good luck with it! Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Andie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/13/06 2:37pm Actually I'm freaking myself out and can't tell whether I'm psychologically having these symptoms or I actually do have them. I stopped spotting on Monday (I had pinkish discharge on fri, sat, and sun). I feel really light headed and dizzy at times especially if I haven't had something to eat in awhile. I have oderless clear/whitish discharge frequently. I feel minor pains on my sides and just below my ribcage. I'm breaking out with acne. I also feel bloated and my face seems abit fuller. Now, the thing is I have had an ovarian cyst rupture in the past. I wonder if these could be symptoms of a cystic ovary. I may be stressing out over nothing too. The real icing on the cake with all this is that I have OCD and I can't help but obsess and catastrophize over this. I wish I could just take a home pregnancy test already to have some piece of mind. I didn't even have unprotected sex (my boyfriend and I started and then I freaked and made him put a condom on. He pulled out with condom out before he ejaculated). I know that it is a proven fact that one can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate and that's waht truely worries me. I've just moved in with my brother in for college ( I start in January) and am distraught over not having a job. Maybe it's all this stress on top of my ocd. I am a total wreck! Thanks for responding, it's helping me settle down. I can only hope that everything will be okay.

[> Subject: Re: pregnant... need advice Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/11/06 12:10pm Mary~ Hello and welcome to our site! I believe it is no accident you have found us. I know you are struggling with what to do and I think it is great that you are really researching and gettoing advice. So often women who find themselves in this situation just make their decision in haste and only live with the regret later. Mary, I know you said you couldn't live with the idea of adoption, but can I ask you, can you live with the idea of abortion? Adoption is something very near and dear to me. You see, my husband was adopted when he was just a few days old. He's been raised by 2 amazing and loving people who he sees as his mother and father. They even had three more children of their own after he came along and never has treated him any differently. I am SO thankful that his birth mother was so unselfish and chose to give him life. She knew that she would not be able to provide for him, so she chose to give him to two loving individuals that could. Mary, the ultimate decision is yours, but I ask that you truly think this through. We promise to help support and guide you in any way we can. We will help you find resources in your area that can be of great service to you. As I stated before, I believe it is no accident that you found us. Mary, listen to your heart and you won't go wrong. Please continue to come back and keep us posted! God bless, Tracey