Re: Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40. -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

Re: Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40.

Author:
Donna

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Date Posted: 03/16/07 2:24pm
In reply to: Beth 's message, "Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40." on 03/14/07 9:50am

Hi Beth,
I am so glad that you came to this board. I really feel drawn to respond to your posting. Gosh I know I'll never get this out with as much meaning as it has behind it. But I'll try to explain.

First, I am so sorry that your family is not being supportive of your decision to have your baby. I would NEVER try to advise anyone to do something that if I were faced with wouldn't do myself. It would be soo easy I assume for some to simply advise to get "RID" of the problem. Would they do it for their own lives and baby? Probably not ! You mentioned that you are 40...I can relate because I am 45 now. I want another child more than anyone can imagine. I can't have one because I had to have a complete hysterectomy 10 years ago because of severe endometriosis. My husband and I are turning to adoption and praying for our future little angel to make their way to us...but the reason I mention this is because when I shared the news that I wanted another child, it wasn't necessarily my imediate family that had concerns but it was some of my closest friends that questioned my decision. I think comments such as you've heard and that I have heard come from Society's views on what we need to do with our lives when we reach the age we have..Like how in the world could you think of wanting a child at this age. Isn't it time to travel, to enjoy life without little ones, etc. I think Motherhood lies within each womans heart. There's no other person in the world that can "tell" another woman how they should feel if "We" want to be a mother again. It's painful when you don't have the support you long for when it comes to something that means as much as longing for a child means to a woman. You've experienced motherhood more than once. You know that in choosing to keep your baby, there will be many many wonderful things happening in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. I think it would definetly be more easy to tell your children that they are going to have a lil brother or sister verses telling them that they were but you decided to abort it because cousin so and so thought I should. They will witness what a person does when they are faced with some adversity and they will learn great lessons in how you handle this situation. They are of the age where they will enjoy this baby soo much.
Yes, there will be circumstances to figure out, but even in the most perfect marriages, when a baby comes along, there are circumstances to figure out...such as child care, finanaces, etc.
With your decision behind you to parent your baby...I say Congratulations Beth on making one of the best decisions you could have ever made ! I would tell all the family that you've made the decision that's right for you ! The right man for you and your family will come along wait and see !
Many Blessings,
Donna

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Replies:

[> Subject:

Re: Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40. Beth, YOU know best!!!

Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 03/17/07 11:17pm

Hi Beth,

First of all, I want to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. The day I posted I was getting ready to leave for Missouri that night (I live in California). I came back that day to this forum, posted to Mary, then discovered I was out of time. I'm using the hotel's internet to post right now. I just wanted to explain why I didn't come back sooner. Please know that you've been on my mind and in my prayers.

I just read your second message, and I can't tell you sad it makes me to know that the people you love and trust are the same people who are leading you to a choice that would obviously hurt you. The crazy thing is, the same people who are so opposed to your baby right now, will be the very same people who will love this child to pieces, later. But they won't get this opportunity if you abort. But really, this isn't about them, it's about YOU and YOUR baby!!!!

The same man who can love you and your 2 kids, can love you and your 3 kids. Trust me, there are plenty of men with a big enough heart to love 2 preteens and a little baby, in addition to the woman he loves.

After talking to women in unplanned pregnancies for several years, I can say with certainty that you would have serious grief and regret if you abort. It's a proven fact that women who abort to please others are the women most likely to suffer afterwards. Another sad aspect is that these women usually resent the people who lead her to make the choice to abort. So she's left with grief, pain, regret, a baby she'll never get back, AND ruined relationships with the people she loves the most.

I urge you to listen to YOU!!! You know what's best. Have your baby, prove your friends and family wrong! And when these people beg to hold your baby, smile to yourself for not listing to bad advice. You can do this. You're already this baby's mom!

Post anytime. Feel free to email me directly too!

Take care,

Shellie

[> [> Subject: Re: Help!!! Single, pregnant and 40. Beth, YOU know best!!!

Author:
Lisa
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Date Posted: 03/21/07 5:17pm

Beth,

There is not much that I can add to what Shellie wrote. Have your baby, you know what is right in your heart. You will never be sorry that you had your baby, but you will most likely be sorry that you had an abortion.

There are many men out there who will want you and your children. That will all come in time, there are many things that you need to concentrate on right away.

I do not know how old your other children are, but for your cousin to say such terrible things makes me very sad. A baby is a baby no matter how that baby is conceived. My daughter is the same flesh and blood that she would have been if I had been married. It makes no difference there. To look at her as anything different because I was not married to her father is crazy.

Your family will come around. My Dad was upset initially, and he now dotes on my daughter, his only grandchild. He adores her. I look at him and think of what he would have missed if I had not gotten pregnant.

You know what is right for you. Do it and you will be just fine!

We are all pulling for you!

Lisa and Sophie