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Date Posted: 13:20:16 05/22/16 Sun
Author: John (You're close to a good exit!)
Subject: Re: And still nowhere
In reply to: Todd 's message, "And still nowhere" on 20:16:54 05/21/16 Sat

Todd-

My heart goes out to you. I had one like yours for almost 4 decades. When my son was out and away, I jumped off the Merry Go Round.

As I understand your post, Your GID wife:

1. Cheats on you with women (just one? how many? guys too?)
2. Retracted her story (came clean, then rewrote history) .
3. Starves you of emotional and physical support (tries to destroy you) Maybe you’re getting this <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://1solutionfocusedcoaching.com/2013/03/25/the-pyrotechnic-sexuality-of-the-narcissist/">http://1solutionfocusedcoaching.com/2013/03/25/the-pyrotechnic-sexuality-of-the-narcissist/</a> ?
4. Blames you for everything (her actions, WHO SHE IS, her ‘shameless behavior’ etc).
5. Evicted you from your own home.

You:

1. Buy into her inversion of reality. (Accept blame dumping, so feel guilty, self hate).
2. Accept her alternative universe where you make all the mistakes (in my view commendable attempts to escape a calculating, selfish Vampire).
3. Are playing ‘Pick Me’ with her. <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-unified-theory-of-cake/">http://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-unified-theory-of-cake/</a>
4. Fell in love with a good woman, almost escaped, then fell back into your GID wife’s closet.
5. Forgive her.

This woman sounds a complete cad of a person with no qualities I consider loveable.

Might you be emotionally tangled with this treacherous and cunning person in some way other than love? I suggest maybe a Trauma Bond, wherein she’s not your sweetie, but your Addiction? [see Betrayal Bonds by Carnes]

Good reads to stop self-flagellation and start growing your new, brighter, liberated life:

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/my-narcissistic-ex-husband/item/8321-how-to-play-the-blame-game-and-win-big">https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/my-narcissistic-ex-husband/item/8321-how-to-play-the-blame-game-and-win-big</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2015/10/what-is-trauma-bonding/">http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2015/10/what-is-trauma-bonding/</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html">http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRLmE71oW6s">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRLmE71oW6s</a>

In my mind, when you fell out of love with her (a non-lovable, non-reciprocating spouse) you should have kept going, instead of letting her Hoover you back in. Its your life to live, not her’s to use.

Advice: 1) Assemble your professional lawyer, therapist, doctor team, 2) Keep her out and away so you have space to grow and 3) keep your sympathy and finances for yourself.

You have a brilliant new life ahead just beyond your 1) understanding, 2) acceptance, and 3) hard work.

Pray, exercise, rejoice, get the best lawyer, divorce ASAP, build a wiser life.

Best wishes for a fabulous future.

- John

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Replies:

  • Re: And still nowhere -- Still Wondering (before or after?), 13:27:09 05/22/16 Sun
  • Re: And still nowhere -- Todd, 13:49:56 05/22/16 Sun
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