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Subject: Musician Jokes Author: Alan D. Valentine [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07:11:13 01/22/03 Wed What would a band web site be without musician jokes?! Here are some of my favorites... What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? The bull has the horns in the front and the a**hole in the back. A conductor and a clarinetist are standing in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first, and why? The conductor. Business before pleasure. How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving. What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin? With a coffin, the corpse is on the inside. Why are orchestra intermissions limited to twenty minutes? So they won’t have to retrain the cellists. How do you get a string bass to play in tune? Chop it up and make it into a xylophone. How do you get two piccolos to play in unison? Shoot one. What’s the definition of a minor second? Two flutes playing in unison. Why do clarinetists leave their cases on their dashboards? So they can park in handicapped spaces. What's the definition of "nerd?" Someone who owns his own alto clarinet. What’s the difference between an onion and an oboe? Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe. Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? The bassoon burns longer. What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goal post? A goal post that can't march. How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? Five - one to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it. What is the difference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead country singer lying in the road? The country singer might have been on his way to a gig. These two euphonium players walk past a bar… Well, it could happen! What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless. What's the least-used sentence in the English language? "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?" How do you get a guitar player to turn his amp down? Put sheet music in front of him. Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz? Start with two million. The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now." He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?" What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha? The lipstick. What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? Most musicians have never been in a Porsche. What's the difference between an alto and a tenor? Tenors don't have hair on their backs. What's the definition of a male quartet? Three men and a tenor. What's the definition of an optimist? A choral director with a mortgage. Anyone have more? Add them! - Alan [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Musician Jokes Author: who else? Randy D !!!!! [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03:59:47 01/31/03 Fri you want more JOKES? why didnt ya SAY so?!?!?!?!?!? That's my LIFE!!!! Go to this website, choose an instrument to pick on, and enjoy. http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/jcb/other-instrument-jokes.html And yes, Diego, I think the jokes really DID come from M.I.T. I knew you'd notice..... LOL. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Musician Jokes Author: Diego Pena [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 22:36:05 02/02/03 Sun Damn, I'm proud of you Randy!! Citing MIT for your jokes... I'm speechless at this awesome display of intellectual humor, comedy, and wit. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Musician Jokes Author: Rick Valentine [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 20:34:14 02/22/03 Sat Alan, You forgot my favorite Musical Joke... How do you get a violinist (or Trombonist) to play a whole note with Vibrato? Write the Solo above the note! And for everyone else, let this be a warning to you...at the reuninon... If my brother starts coming towards you , Run, don't walk, as fast as you can before he starts in on the othe 5000 jokes he is bound to tell - just kidding Alan :-) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Musician Jokes Author: Randy [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:40:20 03/03/03 Mon alllllll true, rick, plus the George Carlin and Firesign Theater bits.... he remembers em alllllll. Not to mention the Cheech and Chong routines, with accessories provided in album sleeve. (I wish) We only "had" to listen to about 60 at the Marshall Silver reunion. RD [ Post a Reply to This Message ]