Re: Advice -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 01:36:26 03/01/06 Wed
Author: chrys
Subject: Re: Advice
In reply to: chico781 's message, "Advice" on 15:59:14 02/28/06 Tue

chico,

started to reply earlier, then got called away by some people inviting me to dinner, and i guess i never "approved" my original post. darn it all, i am trying to remember.

i think for you it's something you need to know, what she is feeling. it's obvious you really love her, and that you have a lot of history. can you call her up and say you want to sit down and talk to her about where things are with the two of you? does she know that you were upset about her suggesting you guys see other people?

the waiting is the hardest part, there is no doubt to that, and the uncertainty. better to find out i think, one way or the other, where this is going.

also sometimes when people get really depressed, and then seem really a lot happier soon afterwards, that happiness can be a bit of a farce. not necessarily an intentional one at all. usually there is just so much relief that the worst is over, or the relief of being on meds, but i think usually a lot of depression just takes longer than that to get through. i am only saying this b/c she may still be dealing with some depression, though not as severe, and that may have an influence. it's like my friend, the one who attempted suicide, and now seems so very very chipper. inside she may still be confused or struggling, though not as much as before, and it's just something to be aware of.

also i think it is somewhat common for ppl in their 20s (i am guessing she is b/c you said that thing about college and how she was never alone through it) to question who am i, what am i doing with myself. i wasn't aware of that, and i worked w/a whole bunch of ppl in my age group at a camp for this one season and they were all soooo mean, like junior high exclusive mean, and an older friend of mine pointed otu that a lot of ppl in their 20s go through a time of real insecurity for awhile. since then i have heard that from a lot of people much older and wiser than i am. so some of what she's feeling can just be typical of the life-stage and age. of course, that doesn't make it any less important or anything, just pointing that out.

sounds like you are a totally caring and supportive guy, and hopefully she will see that. either way i think it's best to talk to her and let her know how you feel and ask her where she's at with it all. now that you've taken some time off maybe it is time to re-evaluate where things are and where they're going.

anyway, i hear ya and feel for ya in your world of hurt. it's no easy place to be, but you love her, you can do it, i can tell : )

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Replies:

[> Re: Advice -- Christian, 03:52:02 03/01/06 Wed [1]

Chico,

Man I don't envy you...

Having read your side of the story (and if you want me to be brutally honest) she's trying to ditch you, plain & simple, but she doesn't have the guts to come out and say it.

"I need to find myself"..."I don't know who I am"..."I think we should see other people"..."It's not you, it's me"..."I need some space"...

She's hit you with pretty much every gem in existence to get out of a relationship without really taking responsibility for it or appearing to be the 'bad guy'. And if her friends/relatives are telling you to back off - it's because she wants them to tell you that.

I've seen this happen alot around the time that people make that commitment to marry. It raises all kinds of questions and doubts. A good friend of mine and his girlfriend recently got engaged, bought a house together and within a month of moving in, broke up. At least there aren't children involved which is where it gets really complicated.

Mate my advice is to take a hint & move on. I personally would make her take responsibility for her decisions and call it what it is - after 6 years she owes you honesty and respect if nothing else. But I think she's trying to put you in a situation where she can make the decline of the relationship YOUR fault ("he just smothered me" etc) and you shouldn't play into that game.

Chris

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