Re: Advice -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4], 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 00:00:44 03/02/06 Thu
Author: chrys
Subject: Re: Advice
In reply to: chico781 's message, "Advice" on 15:59:14 02/28/06 Tue

go you. it will be better once you know, whatever the outcome. at least thats what i keep telling myself. i am glad you are going for it. once you know you have laid it on the line, then you can see where that goes and whether you need to move on or not, but w/o all that regret and wondering what if for the rest of your life!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Re: Advice -- alight, 05:20:33 03/02/06 Thu [1]

I wish you good luck in going forward in your decision, and I'm hoping for the best future outcome for both of you.

It's my impression that she's not playing games with you. After six years together, it's not some courtship ritual she's seeking or is motivated by. She's been confused and conflicted about the relationship for a while now. The major moves towards commitment this past fall seem to have been too much for her to handle, unless there were other substantial changes in her circumstance, or perhaps a major loss occurring at that time, which might have brought on the depression. BTW around six months is the normal course for acute depression, after which it spontaneously lifts, therapy/medication or not.

Seeing that it was only a few days ago that she was not able to give you clear answers to your questions, it's unlikely you'll get a much different response now, especially in the direction that you would hope for. I understand your drive to follow your heart and gut, and I do feel 'you gotta do what you gotta do'. At the same time, I agree with a lot of what Christian had to say. Whether or not she has stated it clearly enough, she does need to have time to define herself outside of your relationship. Even if you can convince her to 'give it another try', she will still have that need, and yes, it would eventually be going back to the same situation.

Of course she has a lot of feeling and love for you, and she got a great deal out of your relationship. If she didn't, there wouldn't have been the internal conflict, I would assume, and the resulting depression. It was a very difficult emotional place for her to be. She still has those conflicts, those feelings, I'm sure. Perhaps that's why it's hard for her to be confident in her decision to grow separately and to be able to relate that to you.

All this doesn't help your feelings much, does it :(

I'm sorry you're going through this. Stating the obvious... love hurts. You seem to be a very loving and devoted man, which unfortunately makes this all the more painful.

I can only echo what Amadaun, and others have said-- give it your best shot, if that's what you feel you need to do. "Then you have done everything possible, and should have no regrets". It may not be enough to take away the pain, if she doesn't want the relationship that you want, but it could help you to move forward towards happiness in the future.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]