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Date Posted: 04:25:03 02/17/08 Sun
Author: Joan
Author Host/IP: ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net / 68.0.253.131
Subject: White Dresses banned for First Communion
The year after I recieved my First Communion, the parish decided to ban white dresses. The thinking was that money was being spent on something that couldn't be used again, and that it wasn't fair to the families that has less money. It only lasted a few years, and the kids were wearing white dresses again. Even the poor families wanted their girls to wear white.
Yesterday, the paper carried an article about a ban on white dresses. What do you think?
Joan
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The article. -- Joan, 04:26:24 02/17/08 Sun [1] (ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net/68.0.253.131)
Pastor drops ban on white dresses for First Communion
10:52 AM EST on Friday, February 15, 2008
By Katie Mulvaney
Journal Staff Writer
Christine Cota, with her daughter Bailee, says she’s thrilled that the 7-year-old will celebrate her First Communion wearing a white dress. The Providence Journal / Gretchen Ertl
NORTH KINGSTOWN — Seven-year-old Bailee Cota is making her way in the Roman Catholic Church, learning to treat others with kindness and not to sin as she prepares to take her First Communion this spring.
With wide blue eyes framed by generous dark lashes, she is a typical second-grader, full of innocent and boundless spontaneity. She can’t wait for the party with friends and family that will follow her receiving the Sacrament of the Eucharist, considered the body and blood of Jesus Christ in the Catholic Church.
Extra
Your turn: Should priests set dress codes for First Communions?
But Bailee’s preparations for that day, a tradition among the state’s 700,000 Catholics, have been marred by conflict for the Cota family. They have been at odds with the priest at Christ the King Church in the South Kingstown village of Kingston over whether she will be allowed to receive her First Communion wearing the same white eyelet dress her godmother wore years ago.
The Rev. Joseph Creedon, who has led Christ the King Church for nearly three decades, had forbidden Bailee, and all First Communion recipients, from wearing white.
But he relented yesterday, agreeing to let Bailee receive her First Communion with a sweater covering her dress.
His requirements are that she “disguises the white dress with a blue sweater,” he said, and that her mother, Christine Cota, attend Mass regularly. His change of heart, he said, was guided by prayer.
Father Creedon ended a phone conversation with a reporter abruptly by hanging up when asked to explain his objections to white.
He wrote in a memo to the congregation several years ago, however, that doing away with white dresses for girls and blue blazers and special ties for boys was among the most challenging changes the church made to its First Communion celebration. The decision was driven by expense, he said. The amount of money people were spending on “non-essential” elements had grown scandalous.
“Some children were luxuriously clad; others were not. This seemed to introduce the suggestion of ‘the haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ which is antithetical to the proper spirit for the Eucharist,” he wrote. “In some cases, the outfits were seen as more important than the First Communion itself.”
Another factor was the idea of white connoting innocence, or worthiness somehow.
“No one is worthy of receiving Communion,” he wrote. “Communion is not a reward for being good; Communion is a source of strength to become better.”
For Bailee’s family, yesterday’s resolution came as welcome news.
“We’re thrilled with the flexibility and willingness to compromise,” said Cota. “Our daughter will be able to attend her Holy First Communion in our church wearing her dress.”
She added: “We’re thrilled for other families who were concerned with the issue, that now it’s an option for them.”
Wearing white to signify purity is a tradition in many Catholic families. First Communion dresses are sometimes passed down through the generations; more extravagant ones with lace and crinoline cost $200 and up.
“My mother wore white; my grandmother wore white,” said Cota, 38, during an interview Wednesday in her Saunderstown home.
She received word Bailee could wear the dress in a voice-mail message left by Father Creedon yesterday afternoon.
She thought upon listening to it: “Please tell me I don’t have to go to church more than once a week.” She says she attends Mass regularly, but sometimes misses a Sunday service to care for her 2-year-old daughter, Rachel. On those days, her husband, Greg, takes Bailee.
But weeks of controversy preceded yesterday’s compromise.
The Cotas learned of the dress code shortly after Bailee’s First Communion classes started in September from other parents complaining about the policy. Cota said parishioners warned her against approaching Father Creedon, saying she would need intervention.
With that, Cota said she called Bishop Thomas J. Tobin for information and was told she needed to put her concerns in writing. Msgr. John J. Darcy responded, telling her that he and Tobin agreed with her position, she said.
She then raised the issue at a parents meeting last month, informing Father Creedon that she wanted her daughter to wear white and that she had the diocese’s backing, she said. She was met by what she described as hostility.
She said she was also perplexed by the church’s practice of not having children perform the Sacrament of Penance until the fifth grade and not before their First Communion.
Cota, Father Creedon and Monsignor Darcy stated their positions in a series of e-mails over the next few weeks.
In a Jan. 18 e-mail to Cota and Father Creedon, Monsignor Darcy wrote: “There is no Church law preventing or requiring the wearing of any color outfit at First Communion or at any other time. Both of you presented your positions: First Communion is not a wedding, there is a connection to Baptism, etc…. Both statements are insightful and theologically correct. But, the bottom line is this: a parent dresses a child, and as long as the clothing doesn’t cause ‘wonderment’ or scandal, the matter is simple, white, or pink, or blue is fine on First Communion.”
Father Creedon sent an e-mail to Cota an hour later stating that he was upset that she had contacted the diocese before discussing the issue with him. He encouraged her to reflect on the meaning of community. He also added that only a few families had problems with the policy over the years. One had left the parish; another waited until their daughter got home to put her white dress on and take photographs.
“No one to date, and I hope ever, has chosen to publicly cause a scene by ignoring the policy,” he wrote.
Cota replied three days later. “We were very saddened by your e-mail below describing the other families who did not have their wishes respected and therefore had to pay for two dresses or had to leave the parish,” she said.
“Monsignor Darcy has had the final say and it is time to move on. I assure you that there will be no scene made on First Holy Communion Day.”
On Feb. 5, Father Creedon wrote again. He said Bailee’s First Communion depended on her mother first meeting with him.
“You seem to be under the impression that Msgr. Darcy has issued the final word on this matter,” he wrote. “Trust me that is not the case. Some day, when Msgr. Darcy is made a pastor, he will be able to establish a policy for that parish. That is what individual parishes do.”
Cota and her sister, Kathi Bonner, met with Father Creedon and Jennifer Marran, the church’s religious education director, Wednesday morning. The sisters, who summered in Green Hill throughout their lives and were raised devout Catholics, said afterward that the two sides were at loggerheads and that the Cotas had been asked to leave the parish.
Cota, whose family moved from New Hampshire in August, felt abandoned by the diocese. She feared that Father Creedon would deny Bailee her First Communion if they challenged his directive — which was a risk she was unwilling to take. She was considering leaving the church of 1,400, though she found it warm and welcoming and filled with Bailee’s classmates from Msgr. Matthew F. Clarke Catholic School.
“Not only are we being rejected by this church, but the diocese is throwing me out there,” she said.
The following day Father Creedon said he would allow Bailee to wear a sweater over the dress, which had been suggested as an option by Bonner.
Monsignor Darcy said yesterday that the Code of Canon Law only dictates what the priest and deacon should wear.
There is nothing, he said, that restricts what a child wears, as long as it’s not vulgar or obscene.
“You can’t have mandatory restrictions,” he said. “They’d be very difficult to defend. … In my opinion, it’s strictly a parental matter.”
The compromise was reached through negotiations between Cota and Father Creedon, he said. He was not aware of anyone from the diocese directing Father Creedon to grant Cota’s request.
But, he said, Bishop Tobin could have had conversations with Father Creedon at a Catholic Charities function yesterday morning in Wakefield.
“The focus is for the child to receive the Holy Communion in a very joyous community,” Monsignor Darcy said.
That is exactly what Christine Cota says her family is hoping for April 13.
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Example of dresses -- Joan, 04:33:26 02/17/08 Sun [1] (ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net/68.0.253.131)
On this site, you'll find examples of the dresses that you'll typically see at First Communion Masses.
I have to agree with the priest, that the dresses are too much. They're too elaborate, looking more like wedding gowns than dresses for 7-yr-olds.
Can't they insist on a simpler style, rather than ban white?
My nieces wore simpler white dresses, and wer, by far, the best-dressed (most appropriately dressed) kids in the bunch.
I agree with the priest that the dresses are too much. But I disagree that the kids can't wear a white dress.
Joan
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Oops. The link. -- Joan, 04:36:50 02/17/08 Sun [1] (ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net/68.0.253.131)
Forgot the link.
http://www.myfirstcommunion.com/cat_first_communion_dresses.cfm
Also, the parents were likely spending oodles of money on another special dress, just not a white one. The priest's arguments, imo, are good. I think he missed the mark in banning white. It's not about the color, it's about the style. It's not supposed to be wedding-like or beauty pageant-like. The priest is right about that.
When you look at those dresses, don't you think of the little kids in beauty pageants? If they weren't white, I could see them on Jon Benet Ramsey. That's not what a Communion dress is supposed to be. Pretty and flattering yes. Beauty pageant or wedding. No.
Joan
Joan
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Re: White Dresses banned for First Communion -- Neysa, 04:49:16 02/18/08 Mon [1] (user-38lcicb.dialup.mindspring.com/209.86.73.139)
I don't agree with that priest. No need to ban white dresses. Yes, the prices are outrages! But, there are parents who will still buy a very expensive communion dress for their daughter no matter the color.
Why do girls wear white dresses? I wonder when that tradition started. The boys don't wear white suits.
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