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>>Hello. I don't post often here. My husband and I have >>two girls, age 20 and 17, so both are well past >>spanking age in our home. My husband and I both agreed >>spanking should end, and it did, when they each turned >>thirteen. >> >>I'm curious to ask other married moms and dads who >>read or post here, how often and in how much detail >>did you discuss spanking with your spouse? >> >>Besides simply agreeing to be "spanking parents," it >>was always important for my husband and I to check in >>on the topic periodically. Often this was during the >>build-up to a spanking (when one or both of us saw >>behavior deterioring and causing us to feel "the >>spanking itch"), or discussing it just after a >>spanking happened. >> >>Spankings were relatively rare in our home, maybe >>happening on average three times per year, per >>daughter, or perhaps roughly just one total during any >>two-month period. Sharing some of the details, and >>ways we practiced spanking were, in my opinion, >>crucial to ensuring their effectiveness. By details, >>I refer to just about anything related to how we >>spanked. Being able to trust your spouse (and partner >>in parenting) with details was important, and clearly >>only something the two of us should have shared at the >>time. Our discussions had a huge range of topics, >>including: >> >>1) the overall process >>2) what we intended to accomplish by sending one of >>our girls to a bit of bedroom "alone time" before >>spanking her. >>3) How we gave a pre-spanking lecture to ensure it >>reinforced the process. >>4) How to actually give the spanking, and what we >>experienced in the process. >>5) Making a big change, and adding a paddle to our >>spankings when the girls were a bit to big for the >>hand to work. >> >>Based on all of the above, if I had to name one key >>factor in spanking "working" for us and our girls, it >>would be that my husband and I talked about it. >> >>Those discussions were frank, and sometimes helped >>when one of us had doubts about something related to >>spanking. We went to great pains to ensure whichever >>of us delivered a spanking, we did it the same way. I >>think the verbal reinforcement helped ensure we were >>consistent, but also helped us follow through with it >>as something we belived in, though we both absolutely >>hated when one of us had to give a spanking. >> >>If others are interested in this topic, I'll share >>more about how spanking discussions happened between >>my husband and I. >> >>I found and continued to visit this site not long >>after our youngest got her final spanking, and was >>considering whether we needed to spank her again at >>age 13. My husband and I ultimately decided to stick >>with our original plan (and end spanking after age >>twelve). However I know some here spank into the teen >>years. The different discussions, and different >>opinions and practices shared here have been >>fascinating, but I'd like to explore more the decision >>process parents make when they use spankings. > >This is a real interesting topic Trish. Thanks for >thinking of it. > >When we were dating, I think my husband and I just >assumed spanking would be a tool in disciplining kids. > We both grew up with it, though to be honest I think >my brothers got it much more than I did, and both of >our parents were pretty strict, so it wasn't rare in >either of our homes. > >The first time I remember talking to Chad about how we >would use it in our home was when we were engaged. We >had been visiting a friend who had a boy of about 8 or >9. All evening the boy was a terror, talking back to >his parents and generally making a nuisance of >himself. > >Neither of us said anything to our friends, but after >getting in our car to go home, Chad said something >like "If that had been me at that age, my dad would >have tanned my bare butt good." We began sharing >experiences of our own and our brothers growing up, >and finally we began talking about how we'd raise any >kids we had. I guess we both realized that we both >believed in the value of strict and loving discipline >with boys or girls. > >Not long after we were married, we were blessed with >our first boy, and about 20 months later our second. >When our oldest was about 5, he ran off to a >neighbor's (we found him hiding in their shed) but we >were frantic looking for him for a while. When we >finally got him home, we agreed he was needing and >ready for his first real big boy spanking. > >Up until that time, he and his brother had just gotten >a swat or two on the seat of their pants or underwear, >but we felt it was time to start applying some more >serious discipline with him, and not too much longer >with his brother. > >We've continued using spanking as the main way the >boys are corrected. The boys are spanked on their >bare bottoms, whether it be pants down, off, or all >the way naked, depending on what we think they need. >I expect we'll continue into their teen years, at >least for a while. > >Thanks again for raising a great question.
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