Motherhood is God's work, but what about fatherhood? -- Catholic Friends Forum

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Date Posted: 02:55:35 07/29/07 Sun
Author: Joan
Author Host/IP: ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net / 68.0.253.131
Subject: Motherhood is God's work, but what about fatherhood?

From an interesting and disturbing news article.

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[> Differences in sentencing when a child dies in a car. -- Joan, 03:08:59 07/29/07 Sun [1] (ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net/68.0.253.131)

"Women were jailed more often and for longer periods than men. But when the AP compared mothers and fathers, the sentencing gap was even wider.

Mothers were jailed 59 percent of the time, compared to 47 percent for fathers. And the median sentence was three years for dads, but five for moms.

"I think we generally hold mothers to a higher standard in the criminal justice context than in just family life generally," says Jennifer M. Collins, a professor at the Wake Forest University School of Law who has studied negligence involving parents and such hyperthermia cases. A large segment of society, she says, thinks "fathers are baby-sitting, and mothers are doing God's work."

What do you think? Are you more appalled (first reaction) when you hear that a mother left her infant in the car, or when a father left the baby?

I think that people give the father a break because the competing things he's thinking about are considered more important than the competing things the mother is thinking about.

The father, they think, probably has a higher-stress, more important job, so it makes sense that he was thinking of that when he got out of the car. They can understand how he could forget the baby.

But when a mother who has the same job forgets the baby, there is no forgiveness or understanding. In most people's minds, the baby should always be job 1 for the mother. They can't understand, no matter what else is going on, that a mother could forget and leave her baby in a car.

I've seen the same standard used in judging mothers whose babies drowned in tubs or wading pools. The baby is in the tub or pool, and a slightly older child screams. The mother runs and gets so wrapped up in taking care of that kid that she truly forgets the baby in the tub.

No one understands that. But if the father did it, they would applaud him for trying to take care of two very young kids, as if it's not really his job and he did the best he could.

What's your opinion? Are mothers wired for babycare, while fathers aren't? Is it less excusable when a mother forgets her baby than when a father forgets?

IMO, this double standard is dangerous. Everyone should be held accountable equally. Giving fathers a lesser sentence says that they are less responsible for their own children's welfare. No parent should be held "less responsible". If the baby is in your care, it's in your care. The sex of the parent shouldn't matter.

When my son was little, I would drop him off at preschool and as I got back in the car, in my mind I went through the drop off that morning. I put the snack box in his cubby. I signed him in. He was playing w/ X toy when I left. Etc.

Maybe that's because I worked the 3rd shift and didn't trust my memory. But I think all parents should do the same thing. Train themselves to keep on task until the task is done(baby drop off) and then go over it in your mind once it's done, pushing everything else out of your mind. Also, giving the carseat the once over out of habit will reduce the number of forgotten kids by almost 199 percent, I tink.

People will still forget their kids. We're only human. But doing those 2 simple things will help far more than harsh prison sentences. Fear of prison doesn't help people remember their babies, if knowing that they'll die if you forget them doesn't. Giving parents the skill/habits that will help them to remember is what will help.

Taking care of babies is God's work, regardless of the parent's sex.

Joan

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[> [> Uh, that should be 100 percent. ;-) -- Joan, 03:12:07 07/29/07 Sun [1] (ip68-0-253-131.ri.ri.cox.net/68.0.253.131)

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[> Re: Motherhood is God's work, but what about fatherhood? -- Catie, 07:56:45 07/29/07 Sun [1] (h166.243.213.151.ip.alltel.net/151.213.243.166)

I think God holds "parents" equally responsible in the care of their children.

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[> [> Amen, Catie! In different ways perhaps, but equally responsible, absolutely. -- Barb, 13:39:44 07/29/07 Sun [1] (clgrtnt2-port-116.dial.telus.net/161.184.42.116)

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[> Re: Motherhood is God's work, but what about fatherhood? -- Neysa, 10:44:29 07/30/07 Mon [1] (user-2inik6m.dialup.mindspring.com/165.121.80.214)

I agree with Catie, that God holds both parents equally responsible in the care of their children. But, I believe society expects the mother to be more respnsible for the children, than the father.

As a society deep down we still have the mentality of the woman staying hope, and raising the children, and the father being the bread winner. In today's society,however, most mother's has to work in order for her family to survive financially

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