JD looks down at the unconcious body of his beloved... -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 09:56:00 08/10/01 Fri
Author: Rabid, still screeching at the Library
Subject:

JD looks down at the unconcious body of his beloved...
In reply to: Kande's Sis, holding her head 's message, "KS looks at her float in dismay" on 07:41:15 08/10/01 Fri

...she is clutching a letter in her hand. Beside her on the floor is a brown non-descript envelope marked "EYES ONLY". Thinking quickly, JD looks around for something to use to pry KS's fingers off of the letter so he can read it before she wakes up.

Meanwhile at the Mayor's Office:

The door chimes give a festive trill as DBTL dances in with her little mail pushcart.

"IOT!!!" She exclaims, "I thought you were dead!"

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around," IOT says cryptically as s/he holds out a hand for the mail.

"Here you go," DBTL says loading up the hapless assistants arms, "Junk mail, Junk mail, letter of complaint, utility bills, returned wrong address, Time, Newsweek, Financial News, Daily Racing Form, Last year's Field and Stream and Crocheting News for you to put out in the Waiting Room, junk mail and...ooops!" She pulls back the final brown envelope, "Going to need a signature for this one...I'll have to see the Mayor."

"I can sign for it can't I?" IOT says in a wheedling tone, "The Mayor is really busy with the Parade coming up next week..."

"Nope, Sorry!" DBTL says with a shake of the head, "This is sensitive "Eyes Only" Class Mail, I will have to see the Mayor sign for it myself. I could be held libel if I don't."

"Okay!" IOT sighs, "Wait here!"

The intrepid assistant walks softly over to the office door and knocks two times very gently.

"IOT!" KM screams, "WHAT THE HECK IS IT NOW?"

"Uhm...Mail for your most extreme excellence..." IOT says through a crack in the door. S/he ducks back quickly to avoid a thrown staple puller.

"I don't have time for lousy magazine subscriptions and the drivelling public right now," KM snaps, "Just sign whatever it is and I will deal with it later."

"Begging your eminences pardon but the mail carrier is insisting on your signature."

"#@$%@$#!" KM snarls and wrenches open the door so rapidly that IOT falls head first into the inner office, "What's so @$#&*%$# important that I have to sign for it?"

"Beats me," DBTL says brightly as she holds out a clipboard and a brown envelope, "I just deliver the mail. I don't control what's in it."

Kenamom scratches a hasty signature where DBTL indicates and then rips open the envelope. She casts her eye down the neatly typed paper and then lets out a howl(very similar to the one under patent protection of KS and Rabid). The Mayor has gone pale and is staggering backward. Thinking quickly, IOT wheels a chair under the sagging backside of KM.

"What is it?" IOT says taking up the ancient Field and Stream Magazine and waving it like a fan for the Mayor, "Is it horrible news? Did someone die?"

"Grgugle!" The Mayor responds waving the letter. Gently IOT takes it from her unresisting hand.

IOT, JD and Rabid read the letter together:

"August 5, 2001

Greetings;

It has come to our attention that the town of Shipperville has not been audited since it was Founded 121 years ago. Furthermore, a check of our records confirmed that no resident of Shipperville has paid State or Federal taxes since 1989 which is coincidentally the year that the current Mayor, one Kenamom, was first elected to office.
Therefore we at the IRS will be sending our representative, Auditor Sid "Shorty" Short(half-brother to the FBI's world famous number cruncher "Chesty" Short), to your town within 7 days from the date of this letter to do an extensive check of your municipal financial records and the records of the gainfully employed citizens. Please organize all or your receipts and returns for the past 21 years alphabetically and in accordance with tax code law #721893ab-Z21 as soon as possible so that this process can be handled as expediently and painlessly as possible.

Sincerely,
Your Friends at the Internal Revenue Service"

"Seven days from August 5th..." IOT exclaims as s/he does the math, "OMG, that's tomorrow! We're being AUDITED TOMORROW!"

Kenamom passes out cold and slips to the floor unnoticed as IOT begins frantically packing his/her stuff back into his/her just emptied suitcases.

Rabid
who just loves to keep the old town hopping.

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Replies:

JD looks around for his sweetie -- Kande's Sis, 08:07:46 08/11/01 Sat
- The crowd is quiet as they enter the klub..... -- kenamom, a CANADIAN, 08:41:21 08/11/01 Sat
  - In the back of the room... -- Kande's Sis, 18:32:09 08/12/01 Sun
    - As IOT hands kande and KS citations, Bubba saunters over to the cd player. -- kande, 03:52:59 08/15/01 Wed
      - Blame Canada???? For what???? -- kenamom, reading off a long long lost, 09:24:48 08/15/01 Wed