Subject: Spanking of our Older Teens and College Students
Author: Anna
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] Date Posted:09:29:03 09/04/24 Wed
When by siblings and I were growing up into our late teens, our parents told us that as long as we live under their roof, and they are supporting us financially we would be spanked as deemed necessary no matter our age.
My brother received his last spanking at the age of 19, this is only because he joined the military. My youngest sister was 24 because she stayed living our parents while she attended a local college. I received my last spanking at age 22 right before I got married.
Back then, we thought that it was cruel and very embarrassing to be put over our parents' knee as a late teen or college student. My siblings and I are now thankful that our parents loved us enough to discipline us even as a late teen and college student.
My late husband and I decided to raise our children the same way. My sister and brother are raising my nieces and nephews the same way. I am not saying that we are strict, but we do have rules that we expect them to follow no matter how old they are. They all know that there are consequences if the rules are not followed. I am not saying they are spanked every time, but they all know that discipline will remain on the table as long as they stay with us.
My children are ages 14, 15, 17,18 and 20 and all have been spanked this year. My nieces and nephews are 13 to 21 and they have all been spanked this year also.
Parents, I would like your opinion on this and if you intend to continue to discipline/spank you late teens and college students as long as you are supporting them financially and living under your roof.
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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Spanking of our Older Teens and College Students
Date Posted:11:35:27 09/04/24 Wed
I do not disagree with your right to spank your kids so long as they are living under your roof,I only wonder why it is necessary to this degree.
I am a very pro-spanking grandma who raised five kids. Of the five only two needed spankings in their teen years. One just a little bit, and the other more, not getting her last until seventeen. Because her level of maturity still needed it when she went away to college I warned her she was not too old to go over my knee. But it was not necessary.
When my kids asked when they would be too old for spanking I told them what my mother told me. Spanking is a childish punishment, they are too old for it when they quit acting like children! Because I believe spanking works I don't think (nor have I observed) it is needed with older kiddos, at least to a far lesser degree (when they persist in acting like immature children despite chronological age).
Date Posted:11:44:42 09/04/24 Wed
Hi Anna
I have a boy (11) and a girl (13). I spank them when I consider convenient to do it, and I have no plans to change it in the near future. How long? Surely while they were in our house, and longer if I can do it and they do not oppose, because I consider it is a very convenient and beneficial mother's work for them. That is the same reason for I do it now.
Date Posted:14:33:25 09/04/24 Wed
I am 16 & my sis is 13. last October mom started giving us paddle licks. She said it was her house & she was sick of the way we acted. I admit the licks are not always undeserved and I have gotten better. we live in south US where spanking is still popular with parents so we are not the only spanked teens.
Date Posted:15:47:56 09/04/24 Wed
There is nothing wrong with spanking teenagers. I grew up and teach middle school in East Texas. After school today there were a half dozen kids sitting in the office nervously awaiting their appointment with the VP!
Date Posted:15:15:52 09/05/24 Thu
I live in south also. They give swats in my high school and lil sis's middle school. I have never gotten it. Sis has twice! do you think this really does any good. I do not and science is on my side.
Date Posted:12:16:29 09/07/24 Sat
How long has your school been open for the Fall? That seems like a large number of students getting licks so early in the school year. Were they all sure to feel the paddle? Or can the AP assign alternative punishments?
Date Posted:13:14:02 09/07/24 Sat
We have been in school for a month. We start way too early IMHO!
Of course there are punishments other than paddling. But paddling is not an unusual consequence. The way it works is a child is reported to the office. If the VP determines a paddling is in order she gives them a day to report, the time is generally at the end of the school day.
Date Posted:16:30:54 09/04/24 Wed
Though I only got spanked til the age of 15, like you and others here, I must come back again and again and again to talk about spanking, and pretty much saying the same things every time. It can become an obsession.
Date Posted:19:21:16 09/04/24 Wed
I miss when there were more people on this forum talking about spanking adults or their own childhood memories and fewer people talking positively about spanking children as though it hasn't been proven to damage the brain and increase risk for depression and anxiety, amongst other negative effects.
Date Posted:15:06:18 09/05/24 Thu
Thank you Thea. Are you a teacher? I have tried to convince mom of spanking dangers. She will have none of it but did at least listen. We are having better talks these days and less lickings.
Date Posted:13:54:17 09/07/24 Sat
I am also a teacher. I have always been anti-spanking. I have read all of the research on both sides. I find that the pro-spanking research is done with bias. However, as I've been teaching and working with children for a few years now I've gotten to know the kiddos and their parents. I have a good idea which ones use spanking in their homes and which do not. It's not scientific, but I have in recent years softened my opposition to spanking. Many of the kids who I know or strongly suspect receive corporal punishment at home are very intelligent, well behaved, well adjusted and socialize very well, whereas some of the kids who I am certain do not and likely never have received a spanking are some of the worst kids you will ever see.
Date Posted:05:08:54 09/19/24 Thu
Thea, agreed. There does seem to be a recent infiltration of members glorifying physically disciplining children and pastors, churches and other adults in authority encouraging parents to harshly discipline their children. They seem to be growing more militant about their 'right' to post on this group and dominate the conversation. There are a lot of other groups that cater to this type of thing and personally I feel they should go there.
On the other hand Thea, I admire your bravery (and many others on here) for pursuing your lifelong interests. I would like to hear more of your experiences. I hope that you (and others) will be more vocal on here for more lively 'adult' conversation.
Date Posted:08:00:50 09/06/24 Fri
We are all rooting for you and for your sis. Glad that the frequency of paddle applications is diminishing and that you can discuss it safely with your mother.
The science on spanking is less than rigorous since there is no way to do the usual control group type study. What might convince your mother more effectively would be to appeal to her own experience as a late teen. When did your mom get her last spanking? How did grandma determine that she had outgrown the need for it?
Sis getting two school spankings is a bit worrisome. Did she earn them herself or were they part of a group punishment? Did she comment on them or complain about her bottom being sore?
Date Posted:13:21:52 09/07/24 Sat
I have followed Sophie's posts, which I believe are indicative of how spanking can help a child grow and mature. Sophie has! Congrats to her and her mom!
Date Posted:15:56:09 09/07/24 Sat
These are fantasies. Don't encourage people to hit children or you're going to jail if you actually do it. The most comical one here is "are used to not be supportive, but I found the kids were very intelligent, who were beaten" shut the fuck up.
Date Posted:23:12:14 09/07/24 Sat
My pastor's wife gave us an article by Selwyn Duke that made a wise point on this:
The failure to spank your children is not just a difference, but a symptom. People who won’t lay a hand or switch on their child's bare bottom embrace a completely different parenting philosophy than those who will.
The difference is not just that they won’t apply the rod — it’s that they lack what I call a 'rod mentality.'
That is to say, to such parents, discipline is often a dirty word. They tend to be overly permissive, set poor examples, be inconsistent in moral guidance and not teach responsibility. They are unlikely to view themselves as absolute authority figures but, rather, will treat the family as a democracy (without a constitution). They are more apt to want to be buddies than parents to their children.
Date Posted:18:51:56 09/09/24 Mon
That is just someone's opinion. Anyone can write an article.
No one in my family has had a 'rod mentality' for decades, though other forms of discipline are and have been used. Everyone is doing okay to great. Mountains of research involving other families support my experience.
Date Posted:13:56:16 09/17/24 Tue
The point this person was making was that it was not the actual spanking which made the difference, but that families which spank tend to run a more disciplined structured household.
While I am a believer in spanking, I know there are parents who have what he calls a "rod mentality" without ever once laying a hand across their child's bottom, and raise wonderful children. This is in contrast to the common result of modern permissive parenting.
Date Posted:23:49:58 09/19/24 Thu
"The failure to spank your children is not just a difference, but a symptom. People who won’t lay a hand or switch on their child's bare bottom embrace a completely different parenting philosophy than those who will."
How is this a statement that allows for parents who do not physically punish their children to be effective disciplinarians? And then what is "rod mentality?" If it's not about laying a hand or switch on a "child's bare bottom," then why offer that lurid concept as its definition?
Permissive is also a subjective term. What kinds of children do we want to raise? If we're just going to throw out examples we know in order to justify our opinions, I've known adults who were raised with a "rod mentality" who are unethical, bitter control freaks, and lack compassion for others.
Bottom line, there are all kinds of people raised all kinds of ways, and there is no real evidence that "families which spank" are creating more wonderful children than those who don't.
Date Posted:14:21:18 09/11/24 Wed
While this may be true in some cases, there's no necessary relationship between these things. My parents had relatively few rules but enforced the ones they set, and this didn't change when they stopped spanking and started to rely on other punishments instead.
Date Posted:08:01:15 09/19/24 Thu
As far as I am concerned, any religious organisation that advocates the frequent beating of children or older females is not a church/synagogue/mosque but a cult. And that last word was not a misprint lol!
Date Posted:04:42:31 09/09/24 Mon
You go, Maddie!!!
And mister, that's not what she said. She said her opposition has softened after seeing the results for herself.
Date Posted:05:18:43 09/19/24 Thu
Frankly anyone in a position of authority encouraging parents to beat their children in the name of the Lord needs to be removed from that position. 'Rod mentality'? Really?
I'm not entirely opposed to giving a child a spanking when deserved. I think there are times when it can be effective and some children respond well to it while others don't.
Date Posted:06:26:47 09/19/24 Thu
Cassie, In fact that was not the point Destiny, nor the author she quoted, was trying to make, as she took pains to explain.
Date Posted:08:15:50 09/16/24 Mon
For spanking to work, everyone (parents and children) has to be on board. And for this to happen, the spankings cannot be too intense/firm. As an intuitive measure of just how hard they can be, they should not be abusive by Child Protective Services standards. What are those standards?
X got an abusive over the line spanking when there are photographable marks showing 24 hours after the spanking.
No doubt most of us got marks that showed afterwards. Few of us got marks that were clearly visible a day later. Thus, by the usual definition of abusive, few of us were abused. Another criterion for intensity is whether the child is considering running away from home to avoid another spanking.
I believe that in the homes Maddie is speaking of where spanking is a consequence employed by the parents, the spankings are infrequent and none of them rises to the level of being abusive.
