Iowa PETA news flash: Opossum killer on the loose! -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, [10] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 17:41:53 07/20/01 Fri
Author: Kande's Sis
Subject: Iowa PETA news flash: Opossum killer on the loose!
In reply to: Kande's Sis 's message, "Back in Shipperville..." on 22:25:04 07/19/01 Thu

A grim-faced newscaster appears on the TV screen at KS's house. KS and JD are eating popcorn while watching for Iowa news via satellite.

The newscaster gestures towards a sobbing mother opossum while the father gravely pats her back. "It's a sad day here in Iowa for this opossum family," the newscaster announces. "Their baby boy opossum was killed this morning by a spandex-clad biker stranger while it was out chasing a beetle."

The newscaster walks over to some opossum neighbors whispering on the sidelines. He thrusts the microphone in front of an elderly male. "I understand that you saw the whole thing," he says.

The opossum nods. "Me and the Missus were out for our morning constitution when we saw Billy run out into the bike path and freeze at the sight of a flourescent pink and orange spandex-clad human female bearing down on him," the opossum clears his throat and dabs at a tear. "Right after she ran him over, we heard this maniacal laughter. We're not sure if she was pleased with the slaughter or if she was laughing at the two old geezers trying to keep up."

The newscaster shakes his head. "Can you identify the biker?"

The old opossum seems uncertain. "She had this weird hair on her head. Kinda like arm hair? Wouldn't you say, Ma?"

The female shrugs. "All them humans look alike to me."

The newscaster turns to another opossum with a star pinned to his fur. "This here is the opossum sheriff in these parts. Sheriff, can you tell me what your breed plans to do about this cold-blooded killing?"

The sheriff steps up to the mike and starts brandishing a pistol. "We've put this news over the opossum grapevine and we'll be following the RAGBRAII ride looking for this fiend." A crowd of opossums in the background cheer and look fierce.

Back in Shipperville, KS leans forward staring intently at the screen. "You don't suppose..."

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

MY JOURNEY ON A BIKE IN AMERICA - DAY 4 & 5 by Kande Rae -- Rabid, eager to catch up on the day I missed, 17:47:27 07/21/01 Sat
- Getting to Sioux City to start RAGBRAI Tomorrow -- Kande's Sis, reporting for the family, 18:11:43 07/21/01 Sat
  - More reports from Dad -- Kande's Sis, 20:46:38 07/22/01 Sun
    - Found the mountains yet? -- CW, 20:32:47 07/24/01 Tue
      - Kande is picked up by the Minnesota state bird: A mosquito! -- Kande's Sis, 06:42:33 07/25/01 Wed
        Dear Shippervillians, -- kenamom, who recieved the following postcard, postage due, 18:30:55 07/25/01 Wed
        Strange, I received THIS postcard, hand-delivered by Bubba -- Kande's Sis, 21:11:09 07/25/01 Wed
        Even Stranger....Bubba delivered this one to me -- kenamom, 11:03:49 07/26/01 Thu
        Do postcards count as legal documents? -- Kande's Sis, 07:27:42 07/27/01 Fri
        Kande's next-to-last-day on the bike ride -- Kande's Sis, 20:22:40 07/27/01 Fri
        MY QUEST FOR THE HEARTLAND OF BIKER AMERICA...IN IOWA -Day 57 another post from the road by Kande Rae -- Rabid, trying to catch up again, 18:12:09 07/28/01 Sat
        Possum sighting: Dead with beads and "Team Roadkill" sticker on it. -- A Mysterious Sunburnt Stranger with Very Muscular Quads, 17:53:42 07/29/01 Sun
        Did it have big long legs? -- CW--love a good joke!, 18:40:29 07/29/01 Sun