Rabid and KS stagger toward the library -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 19:41:23 03/23/06 Thu
Author: Rabid1st
Subject: Rabid and KS stagger toward the library
In reply to: CW 's message, "After the party broke up" on 10:23:42 03/22/06 Wed

"Can you believe my own sister got me a...yogurt maker?" KS slurs as she sucks on a raspberry yogurt pop.

"Can you believe CW got me a life sized poster of Lorne Greene? I don't think she knows that they've remade Battlestar Galactica...and it's full of hot bodies, now."

"Well, it's the thought that counts, right?" KS says piously. She and Rabid exchange a glance and then dissolve into hysterical laughter.

"Oh...oh...good one, KS," Rabid gasps when she's able to draw in enough air to speak. "Thought...counts..." They go off again both of them clinging to a convenient lamp post.

The Mayor walks up, stares for a moment and then flips open her little memo pad, removes a stubby pencil from behind her ear and licks the lead tip. "Drunk and disorderly, $65," she says, writing it down as she speaks.

"What? HEY!" KS protests, drawing herself up to her full height of 4'1l", "I'm not drunk."

"Me neither," Rabid says, leaning close to huff some yogurt pop breath into KM's face.

The Mayor waves a hand in front of her nose. "Ewww! I don't see why CW had to use real goat's milk for the yogurt. Dannon makes it with cow milk now."

"Kande wanted to try out the goats."

"And who can blame her," Rabid nods. "She's had those goats for months, eating her out of house and home and never being used. Hey, you think maybe that's why she got you the tampon warmer? She was hoping you'd regift?"

"Maybe," KS shrugs, "But if you ask me, Ronco had some kind of clearance sale."

"Actually," KM says, "Ronco is a major sponsor of late night X-files reruns. We should applaud this show of town spirit."

"I also got a Ronco Diaper Folder, a Ronco Salad Shooter (and why would anyone want to shoot salad...what kind of trophy would you have afterward?), a Ronco Shower Massage (again, like your shower needs a massage) and a Ronco Bunion Peeler."

"Oh, that was from me," Rabid says, "The Bunion Peeler...it came with a Smoothie Attachment for no extra charge. I thought maybe you could use it on your..." She glances down with some trepidation at KS's twisted, clawed foot and lowering her voice to a hiss, says, "Bunion."

"This?" KS waves her hair foot. "This isn't a bunion. Where have you been? Outer space?"

"Well...yes...actually," Rabid smirks. "There's this new show on the SciFi channel..."

"$135 dollar tax for discussion of new favorite show," the Mayor mumbles making a note.

"$135?" Rabid yelps. "Jeepers, the taxes went up. What's it going to cost me to trade DD and Spike in on a Lee Adama model?"

"Another $135 everytime you use his name."

"You should just refer to him as DD," KS says. "He'll get used to it. I do that with Jack..." She slaps a hand over her mouth but it's too late. "...I mean...JD."

"And another $135," the Mayor notes.

"Oh, come on Mayor," Rabid whines, it's my first day back.

"And it's our birthday," KS reminds.

"It's the only Official National Shipperville Holiday," Rabid declares.

The Mayor stares at her with a steely glint in her eye and her pencil poised dramatically. Rabid's mind whirls and then she realises what she's said.

"I mean...except...of course...for YOUR birthday, Mayor," the librarian coos.

"And National Mayor Appreciation Day," KS chimes.

"Oh, and The Most Beautiful Mayor In the Universe Week. And The Shipperville Mayorial Extravaganza," Rabid hastily adds. She glances toward KS, eyes pleading for help.

"Frontier Days," KS mutters.

"And Frontier Days," Rabid dutifully repeats.

"Frontier Days?" KM asks with a wry lift of her brow.

"Shipperville of Old," KS grins, "Reminds ME of you, KM."

"Frontier Days," the Mayor muses, imagining the streets of her little town transformed into a Wild West Fantasy. David Duchovny in chaps and spurs. Miss Scully behind the bar in a red lace bustiere. Kande would need to be sedated.

As she turns the idea over in her mind, looking for a profitable angle for the Mayor's office, KM, Rabid and KS arrive at the library. Keying open the door, Rabid freezes.

"The alarm is off," she says in a strained whisper. "I'm sure I set it."

"Oh, yeah," KM says, "I forgot to tell you. I managed to get you that special gift you mentioned. Don't thank me with words...cash will be more than enough."

"You got it? YOU GOT IT? Oh, KM...thank you. THANK YOU!" Rabid drops all of her other gifts and thrusts a fistful of bills at the Mayor before she rushes into the building.

KS looks quizzically at the KM. "What did you get her? And can I have one, too?"

"A button," KM says simply and smuggly. "And no! You can't. Only one button per township."

"But," KS trails morosely after KM as the Mayor goes into watch Rabid salivate over 'the button.' "That's not fair. It's my birthday, too."

"I didn't get a Tampon Warmer or a Bunion Peeler," Rabid points out as she leans across the circulation desk to stare in wonder at her shiny silver button. There is a circular logo around it that reads, "Rabid's Button. Do Not Push."

KS moving with assassin's speed, zips by Rabid and slams her palm down on the button. Nothing happens. KS waits...feeling sillier by the second...nothing continues to happen.

"Nice try, KS," the Mayor says, even more smuggly than before. "But I got the iron-clad guarentee. Only Rabid can activate that button."

"But...But...that's not FAIR," KS yells.

Rabid smirks.

Rae
smirking...Happy Birthday, KS. SMOOCHES!

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Replies:

Kande joins the party, weeks late. -- kande, 14:43:28 04/17/06 Mon
- For the 'Assassin o' Shipperville' eye's only. -- the Mayor reads aloud, 21:43:35 04/17/06 Mon
  - KS licks the brick, then sniffs it. -- kande, 14:20:21 04/18/06 Tue
    - KS holds forth about the subject of notes -- Kande's Sis, 20:14:50 04/26/06 Wed
      - "Let's look at the note on the other brick," says KM. -- kande, 13:45:18 05/01/06 Mon
        A large chunk of the ceiling falls on the Mayor's head -- Kande's Sis, 06:33:43 05/04/06 Thu
        Kande wipes an avalanche of sweat from her forehead -- Kande's Sis, 19:08:58 05/10/06 Wed
        Just as Kande wheels around to confront her nemesis -- Kande's Sis, 13:38:50 05/14/06 Sun
        Not the laundry *basket* IG, it was the laundry. -- kenamom, cluing in, 13:38:05 05/22/06 Mon