| Subject: On being called a coward... [rant] |
Author:
Maigrey
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Date Posted: 20/10/02 2:19am
Oh it wasn't directed specifically at me, but yes, I was one of a group of people who jumped ship - left Slipstream by publically asking for my account to be closed. I'd tried to email to get it shut down privately, but was still there a day later. I'm addicted, I needed help 'cutting the cord' so to speak, before I let loose this Irish temper which has gotten me in so much trouble over the years. I've worked hard at controlling the temper at SS, unfortunately this year hasn't helped as much when it came to chat...
See the day before all this garbage erupted in QSF, I'd decided I was sick of fighting. After two years of sticking up for Andromeda, posting positive, finding the good in every situtation, even defending the Sorbo Fans vs Andromeda Fans [I'm a fan but not fanatic for Sorbo] and so on and so on...
2 years of fighting and of course when things are at their worst for me, I get emotional. I take things personally, especially when it seems one person whom I used to like and respect, actively sought out my rare optimistic posts to bash me.
I felt like people were treating me differently - still do. So I had to leave, the forum and the chat. But that doesn't stop me from reading the hateful posts at SS, especially those in the QSF forum.
I don't understand how anyone dare call another, who has worked SO hard to defend this show, names, when they sit in Misc and spam pure garbage just to up their post count. I'm not even sure this person even watches the show anymore, because I did a search and found they hadn't been near Episodes or GenDisc since before the end of Season Two!
And there are people who are actually defending this person! I read some nasty things - none of which apply to me, yet they hurt none-the-less because people WILL believe what they read. Very few have come forward in support of those of us who are just too darned [literally] sick, [insomniac] tired, and in pain - from surgery and their words. I'm back to being alone. It's probably better that way, for me and for everyone else.
I am and have always been a fan of Andromeda, my website should prove that, but obviously doesn't to most.
When a 'hug' thread was started, because of the misery I was in because of the after effects of surgery - some people actually equated Maigrey=website! I am a person with feelings, extreme emotions, and very sensitive [and some would say paranoid - which can be true when depressed]. I want to be remembered as a person, not for running a site, is that too much to hope for? It's bad enough I feel so horrid about myself, so ugly - without being treated as a faceless individual, I've had enough of that my whole life.
I shouldn't even be here right now, I should be working on "The Lone and Level Sands" Updates, er rather I should be sleeping - it's 2am. This whole thing has me so upset that I can't even think straight anymore.
My jaw hurts so much my whole face throbs, and not even 3 tylenol 3's can take the pain away. The dentures I'd had refitted this morning have sharp edges now and have given me some wicked migraines tonight... Time to stop ranting, turn everything off and get some sleep.
I don't expect replies - I don't want to hear any more negativity, it's why I left SS, to get some of myself back - the person I was back in the early days of Andromeda fandom. Never EVER think I'm giving up on this show, especially after seeing the wonder that is "The Lone and Level Sands!"
I just had to get this off my chest.
Maigrey
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