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Internship application -- EC, 00:12:18 11/24/11 Thu
In the midst of busyness, I finally finished sending 25 cover letters as well as all different essays and documents required by different sites. Now the wait begins. The statistics from last year is 25% un-match nation-wise (Similar to 香港大學派位). Basically, if you can have 5 interviews out of the 18-20 sites that you have applied, you are very fortunate. So far, I have already had 2 rejections. Will see how many sites out of 25 sites are going to give me at least an interview.
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Life goes on...... -- EC, 18:14:13 10/25/11 Tue
Singing aloud "Life goes on" in my car when retrospectively thinking what's going on since last morning -
"Yesterday, I realized that my transcript from London never got reached to the States (for my internship application). Calm and no panic, I decided to call the registry in London despite the time difference. Working very hard on cover letters til late night (I have to get 11 decent letters out by Nov 1st).
Up til 12am, I was tired but, determined enough that I have to make the phone call at 2am, I drank a milk tea. Continued to work on presentation and reading until 2am. Made a phone call and was asked to make arrangement with courier. Okay! I called DHL, only received UK-registered credit card. I called UPS and made an arrangement finally at 3:15am.
Woke up at 7a hoping to receive a confirmation email from London on the pickup. Disappointed. No pickup. People in London also informed me that they will not fill the credit card information for me which is required by the UPS pickup. Started to get frustrated, I called UPS again and set up my UPS account. Failed at 9a without reason. My emotional balloon exploded. I just needed to punch someone.....
Pulled myself together and called Fedex (O boy!). Finally speaking with a nice lady who let me know one more bad news - all the couriers cannot do PO Box destination. Now, Fedex has arranged a pickup and hopefully I will receive the transcript by Friday the latest. THEN I will mail express to the PO BOX destination. To be continued......"
Continue singing and driving in a gloomy day, a perfect match for today. Keep telling/forcing myself to think that the world is bigger than how I actually feel at the moment (my world is only as big as a transcript). Got back to work and realized the meeting was canceled. All I can do is to laugh and sing "life goes on".......This is a day that I can just laugh about it.
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visa problem (con't) -- EC, 23:59:48 10/13/11 Thu
After consulting 3 lawyers, Keith and I finally decided that it's too much for me to lose if I take the risk of coming back to HK to renew my visa. Therefore, I will stay here for at least the next 3 years =(.......SO SAD........
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Re: visa problem (con't) -- Leonard, 18:18:12 10/12/11 Wed
OOOO..very sad.
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Re: visa problem (con't) -- EC, 23:59:48 10/13/11 Thu
:(
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money flying down from the sky -- EC, 16:34:29 09/23/11 Fri
LOL if you have updated my facebook status, you probably should know that, 1 month after my wedding, I found a stack of envelops with monetary gifts from my wedding =) It's like USD 2000+. Absent-minded me -___________-
Yesterday, I received a check of $600. Background info: I receive a $200 check on monthly basis from a family as they would like to provide me financial support. I was surprised when I received the $600 check and was wondering if they wrote the amt wrong. Turned out that they said it's their support for me fr Jul-Sept.
Although all the above money are supposed to belong to Keith and I at the beginning and are not really a surprise, I still have a winning-lottery like feeling =) Thank you Lord for "retrieving" money back to us!!!!!!!
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visa problem -- EC, 08:36:46 09/12/11 Mon
I have never thought that such problem will happen on me =( Long story short, my student visa will be expired in Nov. Originally, I planned to renew it in Dec. Everything makes sense. Last week, after sending an email to attorney, Keith and I found out that my action of getting married to a green-card holder (i.e., K) may possibly lead to the denial of my visa renewal. Still have to make an official appt with attorney. If that's valid, the worst case will be that I can only travel in and out US after I get my green card which will take at least 3 years. On top of all the stress from internship application, this totally stretches my limit. Very upset......
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Back to my reality -- EC, 11:40:14 09/06/11 Tue
Indeed, the reality started to kick in when all my friends and family are finally flying back home. It was the last Monday. However, God probably know that I am not ready for the reality and decide to take couple things off my schedule last week. THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!! With the long weekend just passed, I gradually geared up myself, took a deep breath, and got ready for all the tasks waiting for me.
Honeymoon and marriage life have been wonderful. Hawaii is definitely a place that I would like to visit again and hop on different islands =) The most amazing thing is that my wife mode kicks in automatically. Well, at least I haven't started taking classes yet while K has been working every day. I think it's fair that I did all the cleaning and cooked every day for the 1st week =P
It's always hard to get back to sch work. Dissertation and internship application (see below description*) are like two big burdens on my shoulder. Over the long weekend, I have been ups and down. Whenever I have to encounter the internship application, I feel like as if there is a dark cloud evolving my head. Whenever I feel stress, I tend to escape - I will do other tasks that give me a feeling of moving-forward. I will start watching TV episodes that I don't have to use my brain. I will do anything except the internship application. That's totally a vicious cycle as I get more and more overwhelmed by procrastination. Therefore, I have to engage into many positive self talks. All I hope is that I can have a placement for my final year, I can graduate, and I can finally slow down my life at least for a while. I just need to take a deep breath and dive into this muddy water until I see the light. I am glad that K is swimming with me now =)
*Internship application: It's an application that kinda marks the final stage of my program. Very competitive and stressful process. I have to apply to 18-20 sites all over the nation, hoping to have 5 sites that will interview me. After all these preparation, no guarantee that I will get a site. If not, I have to apply next year again).*
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各位香港的朋友 -- EC, 00:35:32 08/19/11 Fri
我終於都要結婚啦﹗
我期待著屬於兩個人的未來
但亦不捨單身生活的瀟灑
雖未能現場與大家分享我倆的喜悅
但與你們彼此間那種微妙的連繫
盡在不言中
十二月見﹗
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ߧA~~ -- Lisa, 02:52:45 08/16/11 Tue
AsBr֩MeA~otx~~
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Re: ߧA~~ -- EC, 09:02:39 08/16/11 Tue
O Lisa, is it the first time that I saw you on here? How's your study????
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Re: ߧA~~ -- Lisa, 00:35:32 08/19/11 Fri
FĤ@~eAdzƽJĤG~}C
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Enjoy and Have Fun!!
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Photos -- EC, 16:19:03 08/15/11 Mon
今日我睇番我去英國前遊台北d相。我地個樣好青春呀﹗LOL
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Re: Photos -- ernus, 09:52:55 08/03/11 Wed
係咪我地一齊去嗰次？
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Re: Photos -- EC, 16:19:03 08/15/11 Mon
唔好意思﹗回覆得慢左少少。
係﹗就係個次，個樣真係好攪笑﹗
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YAY!!!!! I passed my dissertation proposal! -- EC, 12:33:22 06/22/11 Wed
One step closer to graduation =)
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Re: YAY!!!!! I passed my dissertation proposal! -- Debby, 18:41:44 06/24/11 Fri
Good!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Intelligentia -- EC, 23:59:50 06/09/11 Thu
That's the name of a coffee shop. Do they have one in HK? Their iced mocha IS THE BEST!!!!!!!
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Re: Intelligentia -- ernus, 10:00:42 06/09/11 Thu
we dun have it here :(
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Re: Intelligentia -- EC, 23:59:50 06/09/11 Thu
aiya.....I can't just buy the coffee bean and make the mocha as nice as those in the store. Well, give you a reason to visit the States =P
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Thanks all!!! -- EC, 10:46:11 06/07/11 Tue
LOL thanks for posting msges to let me know that you are all here for me =) Every morning, I was talking to myself, "I just need to grind through it."
FYI, there are 3 stages for my dissertation: proposal meeting, data colloquium, and defense. My dissertation proposal date is on Jun 22nd. I will send out my proposal a week earlier, which is Jun 15th, to all my committee members (there are 4 of them). All I need is a pass from my advisor who is super disorganized. I have been meeting with her every week. However, she still have read what I sent her. She is able to answer my question but does not give me feedback on what I have written.
SO, my hope is that she will not suddenly suggest sth big that I need to add to my proposal IN the meeting and does not give me a pass just becoz she never give me those suggestions BEFORE the meeting.
Will keep you all posted =D
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Re: Thanks all!!! -- EC, 10:53:18 06/07/11 Tue
Well, just wanna share a realization.
Since the dissertation lit review is such a painful task, anything can take me away from it is FANTASTIC. So, ironically, the wedding preparation turns out to be the MOST WONDERFUL thing in the world now LOL
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Procrastinating me..... -- EC, 23:18:09 06/01/11 Wed
Well, I have no one to blame but myself. When I am overwhelmed, I will be paralyzed and can do nth. The can-do-nth part adds even more anxiety and, thus, I get even more paralyzed. It's a vicious cycle that results in procrastination. Until I finally have some controls over the progress, I feel less anxious. IT IS TODAY. After working 1.5 days on a paper starting from scratch (i.e., fr reading and research), I got my draft half done and had an outline in my head. I can sleep well tonight with no weird feeling in my stomach.
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久違了的通宵終於都要登場 -- EC, 00:04:17 06/01/11 Wed
唔該一杯tall latte skim milk!
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dependence -- EC, 16:28:37 05/27/11 Fri
Just read an entry written by my friend in her blog. It's abt the purpose of working, linking to the issue of money. The entry inspired me to think about what I have learned about money, esp my time at CA.
My financial dependency is ALWAYS a challenge for me. It's just such a concrete way to tell ppl what I don't have. In some sense, it's being vulnerable in front of others. Getting married, the first thing that I have to process in my own therapy is being financial dependent on Keith. It's not simply being vulnerable but also being controlled financially. Although that's not the reality (ps: Keith never really control how I spend money), I mentally feel so.
No one like to be dependent on others. You wanna show how capable you are because it informs you and the others your values. Even in the society, the elderly tries so hard to let their children or grandchildren know that they can live on their own and they can do everything on their own. This is the way how they earn respect and that makes them feel good.
I am not talking against independence but the fear of dependence. I still have that uncomfortable and fear. Yet, it's my dependence and weakness that allow me to receive. I can tell no grandiose miraculous story. Yet, being able to pay tuition for 4 years is a big miracle to me. I never receive a check from a strange or receive a full scholarship so that I don't have to worry abt next year. However, small things happen and my life at Fuller continues.
I also think it can applied spiritually. Sometimes, we wanna show God that we are capable to serve Him forgetting that we only glorify Him through our weaknesses as Paul said. It's only when I feel frustrated and hopeless that I experience the transformational power of the Holy Spirit. If you ask me, I still don't wanna be vulnerable and dependent. Yet, ironically, my most profound experiences for the last few years are all associated with the realization of my own weaknesses and the healing that I received.
PhD is never just a degree for me. It's the years walking in a desert, staying away from my comfort zone, from anything that I am familiar, and from friends and family. Then, I realized that I have received what I didn't have a chance to receive and have seen what I didn't have a chance to see in myself 6 years ago. Sometimes, a desert does have its lovely side =)
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Re: dependence -- Lisa, 23:58:42 06/19/11 Sun
Totally agree!!
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vent out -- EC, 08:32:45 06/05/11 Sun
HA~ I am not sure if anyone will read this entry. The fact is that even I almost forgot this forum.
It's time to vent out. Honestly, I wish that I can focus on 1 big thing. Now I am like multitasking 10 thousands important things. Okay, I will have all final papers AND dissertation proposal in the first 2 weeks of Jun, followed by a 2-week intensive class. Jul, I will start my new placement with a very challenging supervisor AND dissertation data analysis and writeup. Needless to say, I have a wedding in Aug. The rest of the year I will be preparing the internship application. What I always have to engage in a task which cannot just be completed within several weeks or a month but more than 6 months or even years (well, I don't even know what I commit myself to a 6-year PhD program) -_____________-
okay, I am done.
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Re: vent out -- Grace, 01:39:10 05/27/11 Fri
I am here.
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arh..... my dear friend. This is going to be a crazy year....... -- EC, 15:47:01 05/27/11 Fri
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加油啊！ -- ernus, 10:07:08 06/02/11 Thu
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Re: vent out -- Debby, 08:32:45 06/05/11 Sun
I am here too! add oil!!!
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30 -- EC, 23:23:30 01/19/11 Wed
Honestly, I don't really think 30 means anything different to me, besides physically. Well, I do have to admit that I realized the physical change since 25, but not 30. Yet, I don't like how other people think about 30. AND they think differently about 30 depending on gender. Seriously, are you kidding me? 30 sounds like a deadline for females whereas it's the beginning of the golden stage for males. To be fair, I know that most of my peers may not get stuck in this mind set. Yet, majority of the population are. So, in order to encounter balance with the larger culture, I am going to announce that my 30 will be the most wonderful year that I ever had and will mark the beginning of the other journey of my life (Awesome! our wedding just happens to be at the right year!).
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誠意推介：The Glass Castle -- EC, 15:01:07 01/13/11 Thu
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一篇九月的短記 -- EC, 21:45:47 10/06/10 Wed
不用上課的日子，實在太美好。時間表仍是安排得滿滿的，但是都盛載着我所喜愛的事情。我愛實習，不停地為病人做長達九小時的評估，我也不得不佩服他們的能耐，但最愛的是兩小時的clinical interview，最喜歡就是可以在短短兩小時內觀看了一個人的人生縮影，感覺很微妙。我愛研究，找到一個能扶持我的指導老師和一個可以共同進退的團隊，我終於見到論文是可以有完成的一天，也特別喜愛論文以外的研究，再次體會研究的意義是為著各人能有更美好的生活，突然間，閱讀研究文章不再是負累，而是一種享受，滿足我的求知慾。我愛玩，只要能與友人聚一聚，我就高興，忙而沒有太大壓力的日子，我可以全情投入地玩，也可以與K到不同的地方走走。我愛婚禮，暫時籌備的工作不多，正在努力找一個合適的地方可以做dinner reception，還有就是選婚紗，然後就可以先告一段落。
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讚賞 -- EC, 10:15:07 09/17/10 Fri
縱使知道方向正確，縱使知道為什麼而努力，我仍然渴望得到認同，得到讚賞。讀碩士的時候，最感動的時刻是當我知道指導老師想收我讀博士，那份對我的認同，到現在我還是刻骨銘心。
讀博士做研究的過程實在太長，眼看見的是一個又一個比自己能幹的人，拼命地追著一個又一個的目標，換來的只是一瞬間的滿足，然後又繼續看著自己未實現的。就在不知道自己走在什麼方向的時候，一位坐輪椅的老師對我說，相比一年前，我的英文寫作方法有明顯的進步，這個肯定就像是一個擁抱，讓飢寒交迫的我得到一點温暖。
然後是一封電郵，當我對老師說著有興趣參予更多他的研究，他不但給我一個YES，還有一大段鼓勵的說話，讓我知道他也同樣渴望與我一同工作，這不單是一個温暖，而且是給我食糧，讓我在這乾旱無水之地得到飽足。對，為著自己的夢想而努力，是一件樂事，但我深知道我並不是那種獨自上路的人，我需要扶持我的人，我需要與我玩樂的人，我需要聆聽我的人，我需要很多很多，然後我才可以繼續的向前走。
一個很老套的體會，原來我的夢想真的不只是我的夢想，我終於明白，終有一天，當我站在人生的舞台上，向眾人致謝，我想到的不只是我已經做到的，而是一段路程和所有曾在這段路程出現的人與物。
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QRQR -- Debby, 09:24:39 08/29/10 Sun
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Re: QRQR -- EC, 14:47:02 09/14/10 Tue
wow haven't contacted you for ages. How's everything going?
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ڿ -- ernus, 10:15:07 09/17/10 Fri
nէAA[oAA :)
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rigidity vs flexibility -- EC, 22:59:13 08/10/10 Tue
I used to be flexible. When things happen, I respond to them and solve them.
Now, I freak out. When things happen, it also means that I have to reorganize my whole schedule.
I used to be flexible in dealing with different people. I accept that there is different working style. I can negotiate with them and compromise.
Now, I got frustrated by them. Especially when they don't respond me in a timely manner and I have to wait to work on the next step until they get back to me, I can't tolerate their procrastination. I sometime even feel resentful towards them.
These changes happen all because of my packed schedule. The schedule is so packed that I can't even have room for uncertainties. Since I wanna have my flexibility back and I don't want to hate people, I've decided to take out sth from my schedule. The second question will be: what should I take out from my schedule? It will take me some times....
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the end of Jul, the beginning of Aug -- EC, 23:39:47 08/01/10 Sun
It's Aug 1st. I feel like the spring quarter has been extended to the summer. My endless to-do list continues to maintain certain number of tasks with no sign of getting shorter. I have decided that I am going to list out what I have accomplished in the last 6 weeks in order to encourage myself for the coming hell-like two weeks.
- 5-week intensive for Pentateuch
- 2-week intensive for World Religions
- 15 weekly assignment
- 1 10-page paper
- 1 3-page book review
- scoring 3 assessment cases
- organizing the data set for my dissertation
- half way thro' my preparation for the poster presentation
- 22-hr clinical sessions
In the midst of all busyness, I did have lots of fun....
- clubbing once
- visited Abbot Kinney
- tons of dining out
- flying out 2-3 times to Bay area
- Karli's visit
- grabbing coffee with friends
- attending wedding
- preparation for wedding
okay, now I feel better. At the very least, my life isn't just graduate school. May God grant me wisdom and efficiency that I can finish all papers, well-prepare for presentation at conference, and enjoy every moment of fun in Aug!!!!!!
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This is simply a right time -- EC, 16:48:15 07/24/10 Sat
After doing a 5-week and 2-week intensive classes overlap in last week, it's just simply fantastic being out of town for this weekend. Well, I still brought with me a stack of journal articles and 3-4 books. Yet, it's good to change a scene for studying and, indeed, have a cooler-but-still-sunny weather.
Instead of complaining how crazy my summer was/is/will be, I have decided that I should share with you all what I have learned in two of my intensive classes. They actually are pretty good classes. The first one is Pentateuch whereas the second one is World Religions.
Pentateuch - from Genesis to Deuteronomy, by Goldingay (a prestigious OT theologian). He urges that we should be aware of how much we have been reading INTO the Bible instead of reading FROM the Bible. It's not about good and bad. Indeed, God's words become alive when they are applicable and it's crucial to interpret and apply them in a sensible way in order to guide our way of life. Yet, we lose the chance of being shaped by the Bible. The prof. is also very keen on what exactly the Bible says. He always proclaim himself as "a guy who just simply does what the Bible said and advocates on some feminist interpretation".
O yes, another fascinating lesson is feminist interpretation. It's just simply broaden my horizon in understanding some of the familiar stories. Genesis 2 and 3 have always been used as a passage to talk about equality or hierarchy between male and female. Feminist exegesis does a fabulous job in challenging one to re-read what exact it means by the Scripture. I strongly encourage you all to further explore the feminist interpretation. You don't have to agree with all of them but I can guarantee that you will benefit by reading them
World Religions - Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam. Needless to say, it's imperative to know about different religious languages and concepts in order to allow constructive dialogue with people adopting different religions. I never realize that there are many similarities between Hinduism and Buddhism (well, I only have this class for 5 days in which had been spending 4 days on Hinduism and 1 day on Buddhism). Hinduism, as the oldest religion among three, laid a foundation for later religions, including Christianity. The class also stimulates me to have many self-reflection. I try to step into other people's shoes to understand how difficult it will be for them to adopt new concepts and narratives, just as I do with theirs. How difficult it will be for them to no treat the Scripture just as another legendary, just as the first impression that I have with all of their stories. Think about the story of creation in Genesis 1. In what way do you believe that it is a historical account, a poem, or a mixed of both?
One of the statement from my professor actually stay with me. He said," yes, you can tell the good news in cross-cultural setting if that's what God asks you to do. However, God also chooses people in different cultures in order to allow the gospels being adapted for people in different contexts." There is a tension of how much we have to respect/adapt the culture and religious languages and how much we have to insist/introduce new concepts/ideas about Christianity. It's not easy and it takes time. Yet, the challenges of opening dialogue between religions or between different believers also witness the transformation power of the Holy Spirit.
Already, these are so far what I have received from the two intensive classes. Indeed, after typing out what I have learned, I feel better about spending so many hours of doing reading and writing papers and giving up some social hours (well, you all know that's very tough for me). Now it's time to get back to my paper on "The Vision and Reality of Marriage in Torah" (after reading some of the materials, I feel like it's a bit ironic to write this paper before getting married as you may know that the married couple in Pentateuch indeed revealed how bad a marriage can be and how broken people can be in a family setting). Hope I can share with you all more after I am done with the paper.
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久違了的中文留言 -- EC, 22:10:26 07/21/10 Wed
這陣子，我看著香港教會朋友不斷在facebook status提及營會的事宜，心裏有一種微妙的感覺。營會帶給我的回憶是無法替代的，回想起那些片段的時候，情感仍有，猶如只是不久以前發生的事，但再看真一點，我已經不屬於那裏。是一種失落感，這種失落已不只發生一次，但每每當回憶的事情牽引著強烈的情感，失落感也隨之增加。也是一種成長，我已經向前走了很遠。
在埋頭苦幹的三年裏，有時候我會不知不覺把世界變小，看到的只是一個星期要完成的功課，目標只是究竟下年我能否得到一個好的實習地點，說出來，就連自己也覺得不知所謂，但那種壓力和緊張就是那麼真實，當你身旁的人都為著這些無聊的事情而努力的時候，一下子世界就只剩下不多的事情。
營會的回憶引發了我對過去一點一滴的思念，人在外久了，沒有想過往的事情太多，一旦觸及，卻又感慨良多。但我還是喜歡回憶帶給我那種微妙的感覺，是回憶讓我知道原來世界還是很大；是回憶讓我知道原來我並沒有失去我的過去，我的過去仍是我的現在；也是回憶讓我知道如何繼續的向前走，並走得更遠。
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O -- EC, 00:05:05 03/04/10 Thu
HڪmOLHݵۧڪ}C
{bڪmNORݵۨLH_}C
oOݦb@ҾǮդӤ[NC
̫@DPZPdz}FC
oOӱoӬMAsuAv|]SC
ڧƱouOӼȧOC
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ܤ -- EC, 19:49:36 02/20/10 Sat
ڥͬoӿPɭԡAڧҦɶb\ҡBsMHWA]NoدoFC
A۪AڬMܦFsEstherJPChina TripXFڪɡAOڷRWF_ʡF۫HۤvPıAOڨMwuŪZAA[W@諸sCNOoˡAڧLh~__^^βλA@fӤFf`}ڡANsۤv]tIѰOFSOlӥiHOHpM}ߡCۤHǴAoӾǴbRۧܡA]AJSOxBSƺ۳oӾǴɭԧBuYvCBGfj}BɨۼgפBwWҩM߰_lKKڦӨAoO@ӯݩʪܡAOW۵MƥA^ݹLh~ͬAWɥ̨ӪPıɦbC
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Another version of "half cup of water" -- EC, 22:53:22 01/29/10 Fri
- quoted from fatsoo.blogspot.com -
Title: You have half cup of water... what's next?
The is another version that I have heard from a business meeting recently of the story "half cup of water".
The speaker said, this is not a matter of optimistic (half full) or pessimistic (half empty) anymore.
It's all about how to make yr half cup of water to be full -
either use a smaller cup, or buy a bigger drink.
Both ways come from an aggressive mind set to change the status quo.
Things change all the time and we should move on
and not be bounded by optimistic or pessimistic.
This inspires me how I think with God's grace -
it's already there and whether you take it or leave it,
and did you make yourself ready to take it.
(and God is always well prepared)
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counting the blessing -- EC, 00:27:36 01/28/10 Thu
The winter qtr has always been the hardest qtr for the last 2 yrs. My reasoning is:
1) This is the qtr right after a long break. Indeed, I will say, winter break is the only time of the year that I can fully enjoy my free time as I have to take intensive classes during summer.
2) After the winter qtr, there is nth to look forward but the spring Qtr.
With this combination, my mood in the Winter was the worst throughout the year.
This winter quarter is an exceptional one. First, I made a very wise choice of dropping a theology class when I was in Beijing. When I read the syllabus on the plane, flying from Chendu to Beijing, I felt overwhelmed and, therefore, dropped the class. Once again, my body/feeling informs what decision I should make.
Second, I enjoy my classes. It's been a while I actually can say that I enjoy my classes. Believe it or not, I can do good in ENGLISH philosophy class. In college, the worst grade happened in my 2 philosophy classes. I then think that learning and articulating philosophy in another language is a bad idea. And now, this is totally a conversion experience. Either I write better English or my philosophy prof. during college did injustice to me or the TA just gives good grade to all in class. Anyhow, I do good with my weekly paper.
Third, my abstract submitted to APA got accepted. This is really an exciting news for me, especially with my previous experience of rejection from INS (another conference). It gives me affirmation that my research is still in the right direction.
Forth, God continues to show me His provision through supports from other people. I gradually understand the meaning of "undeserved". It's a true feeling of receiving a gift. The feeling is like that you receive a BIG gift from someone whom you doesn't really have a very intimate relationship to start with. Basically, the value of the gift doesn't match with the degree of relationship. Yet, when I receive the gift, I suddenly realize how much people have been loving and supporting me. It means a lot to me.
Fifth, time with K has been great. In fact, we don't have a lot time spending together as I am getting busier and busier and cannot fly up to Bay area as often as I was. However, I feel that sth in our relationship has been changing. I have been more able to articulate how I think and how i feel directly. He seems like even more able to read my mind. Last qtr has been rough on my emotionally. Well, time at Fuller has been difficult, compared to my adventurous period. Now, I finally feel like I am back to my equilibrium and the "happy" Esther re-emerges. Walking through the difficult with K adds sth difference to our relationship. I am not sure how to articulate what is the "sth" but I can feel the difference. The relationship is more grounded and deep together with a sense of confidence that we can face the uncertainty.
PTL
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a journey of decomposition -- EC, 07:15:01 12/19/09 Sat
Yes, I officially kick off this journey. It's been in my mind since summer and got solidified in HK. It starts with stressful environment, frustration toward myself and being overwhelmed by a sense of incompetence. Surrounded by love, I am willing to sit with my pain. The pain from seeing the wounded part of me. It's not easy to face that part which I have been trying so hard to hide or escape, even without noticing. Yet, only when I reclaim that part of me, I am able to be a person as a whole. I cry out to my Lord that He will heal my heart. I pray that my heavenly Father contains me in chaos. Then I am comforted by the embrace of the Holy Spirit. I am deeply touched whenever I experience the love of Jesus on the Cross. Therefore, I ask, breaking me, melting my heart, molding me into Your pottery and filling me with Your Spirit.
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Hong Kong -- EC, 02:47:05 12/16/09 Wed
It's half way thro' my time in HK. It's excited to see all familiar faces. It's weird to live with family. It's warm to give my grandparents a hug. It's complicated when I have to summarize how I feel and what I have thought about. It's stressful when I still need to prepare 3 presentations. It's wonderful when I experience the "clickness" with buddies. It's a bless when I don't have to take care meals and laundry. It's fantastic when I am with my family. It's awesome when my brother take care of me.
I do miss my life here.
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Re: Hong Kong -- suzi, 21:16:26 01/05/10 Tue
very nice =)
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Life and Death -- EC, 19:14:58 11/27/09 Fri
Quoted from my beloved ex-roommate's blog:
One moment youre here, the next youre gone.
One moment youre healthy and one test later youve got a life altering disease.
It makes me think of how I let myself believe that Ill be healthy and alive forever.
It makes me think of how short time really is.
And how much time I let slip through my fingers.
The hours Ive wasted fighting silly fights.
The hours Ive wasted chasing after petty things.
The hours Ive spent envying, comparing, wishing things were otherwise.
The moments when Ive chosen me over others.
When Ive chosen to take rather than give.
When I let fear and insecurity have the final say.
It makes me want to drink up every moment.
To not miss out on a chance to love, to laugh, to LIVE.
To not pass up an opportunity to give my love to others, to share joy moments, and to speak truth, and life-giving words to others.
It makes me want to try. To make mistakes. To dare to be a fool.
I dont want to reach the end and see that I lived half a life.
I want more.
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Re: Life and Death -- fwong, 12:01:21 11/25/09 Wed
Can't agree with you more. How i wish that you are around and we can grab a drink together tonight!!!
Then, I can tell you what i have been thinking recently..it's somewhat similar to what you said here..about the "meaning" of life, not purpose, but being meaningful. :-P
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Re: Life and Death -- EC, 19:14:58 11/27/09 Fri
I miss hanging out with friends too. Cheers~
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T -- EC, 16:08:26 11/13/09 Fri
ҦƱ٦b
n~ͬ
1) Ispaper
2) zޤjF@]A@Ulo{ۤv]
3) Pߪsupervisor
ߤܱo
4) qӨShæۤvPpBͬ۳BO
Oܱoa竉R
5) SOaOɶ (ps: OOɶOOHܫᮬ)
ܦhO٬ުƱAJıoۤvASıoӬOO
ǷPıAC@賣Ouꪺ
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G -- EC, 14:48:38 11/09/09 Mon
Forgive me that I change to English as the yesterday sermon was in English. I would like to keep the original wording used by the speaker.
The phrase "the path of barrenness" caught me yesterday. Barrenness has been an interesting theological term which associates with God's promise to Abraham. The impossible becomes the possible. It's from incapability of bearing a child to the father of all nations. God initiates the promise and Abraham trusts it. This is the faith of Abraham. God declares Abraham as righteous person not because of what Abraham did but his faith.
It's not easy to have faith all the time. That's why we need relationship. The road is full of rocks and stumbling blocks and simply is not designed to walk individually. Bearing the barrenness is a painful process, and yet, is the only way we realize that we need to fully depend on God.
I finally find a phrase to describe my season now: the path of barrenness. It's time to letting go....
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@ -- EC, 14:33:01 11/09/09 Mon
o}lAګQ۫ܦhƱALAکγ|֧֦aUסJOڷQhFAMɧ֦aΥk}IA{bAڹۤv~uvۡC
C@ӤHƱC鳣OѴAͬӬOMּ֡A{`Ohۯ}yHHALצbҪpA`HiHۥqCiAHͤOoˡCOAӬOڵo{HͰ_^OMABC骺ɭԡAڪYMa~ͬAZaۤvΥ@ɪtC@I]nAoSIġAPın֭niJLqCڡEunC@ѬUhANFC
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Re: @ -- Grace, 23:55:21 11/08/09 Sun
QPN o˪Dz hWoSLiקK
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Re: @ -- EC, 14:33:01 11/09/09 Mon
Yup,it's a real stretch for me. My professor said,"the closer the one get to God, the sadder (not more depressed) the one will be. It's because the person is finally willing to face the truth and the brokenness which he/she isn't aware of or has been running away for long time"
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ϫMƤ@h -- EC, 12:35:51 10/17/09 Sat
~Wgۧڵo{AoXѧڤ@Quo{vŢnۡAh̵ͬMA~Pı]HۮɶӴhA`OP@IIC
ССССССССССССССССССССССССССССС
nФ@UbWhaxA@afAҰMTpB͡Aj^yCĤ@ڦbιڤnOڷhis~ĤGӬPAWɥbAڤGܤNۥ~MAWWhAΫD`§AnDpBͤn@jMbΤ]]hAƫo{ӥL̤@aq^ӡApB٥ոɮtC
nAaTL̤@PɶC@PApSܡAWANsb]@ɳ٦bWAAPܡAڤ~o{Ӧoj^yC̫AF@BͻPꪨܡAp@צnCWPgApBͶ]ʪnAڧnAMӬPbWɩΤCɥbN}ʡC
ƴNoͦbѡAPLhXۦPACɥbA@nupTvANpBU牀AMᮣs]BnAۡuԡv@nApBͤj_ӡAڴNDL^ˤFA@ڧԤFXӡAMỡF@yJuPlease learn from the lesson: DON'T RUN!!!!vAuOj֧ڤߡT
PS: I know, I am very mean.......
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Re: ϫMƤ@h -- ernus, 03:54:23 10/17/09 Sat
ڦѲӵoF@ӤkG@¤YAPοۡAC{ӤWAKΤYVWwAOHHD٪vHC[AѤUӥCոաC
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Re: ϫMƤ@h -- EC, 12:35:51 10/17/09 Sat
kaka I did use a broom to "knock" on my ceiling and their floor but I don't want to keep the broom in my room. I should try your boss' method to create my own "weapon" =)
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just one of the Sat mornings -- EC, 12:33:36 10/17/09 Sat
Clubbing til 2:30am
Home by 3:30am
Shower then
Watched a TV episode
Bed by 4:30am
With the help of earplug, I slept til 10:15am
Homemade chocolate pancake as breakfast, thanks to roommate
Cleaned the bathroom
Playing Jack Johnson and reading Joshua 1:1-9
Now 12:33pm, it's time to read for class
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o{ -- EC, 00:30:03 10/15/09 Thu
ڻPڬO@ѪB͡CsѪɭԡAڹڷPıܷsAA_hէڡCɶ[FAڦASӦhuo{vAuOCCHuo{vAi`{ѧhASso{CѡAڹڦF@ӷso{J@ӹLݭnŶڡAoӷso{OګD`wAƦܥOګoBAڭӨSӤjŶheǧOHAIۨpMiȡC
ڧƱouO@ӵuo{C
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jf -- EC, 11:45:05 10/08/09 Thu
Sorry for my inconsistency (Chinese title with English content). Please forgive a patient.
Honestly, I am a pretty healthy person. I seldom get sick. Even so, it's really mild. This time, IT'S TERRIBLE. After my long Monday, my sickness kicked in on Tuesday morning. I woke up by sharp pain at my throat at 4am. Whenever I swallow, it hurt badly. I thought it's strep throat. So I went to kitchen and drank cold milk to sooth the pain. But it only works til 6am. I woke up with a sharper pain and experienced mild shortness of breath since my throat was so swollen that as if phlegm clogged at my throat. I lost my voice. I went on internet realizing that I should see Dr. immediately. I found out that I had fever with 102 degrees and took 2 Tylenol.
The rest of the early morning was that my roommate drove me to ER as advised by nurse. Not strep throat but with a very angry sore throat. Dr. prescribed antibiotics and liquid med with codeine for pain and sleep. Home.
Okay, story started here. When I got home, the liquid med BURNT my throat!!!! With no experience on liquid med for, I guess, 20+ yrs, I didn't expect the burn in the first place and I choked with water when I tried to wash the burning med down. Since I have to take the med for every 4 hours, I learnt that I had to take 1 sip, hold it in my mouth, prepare myself and swallow it with pain. My tears just burst out. No food as I wasn't able to swallow porridge. This was the first two days.
Thursday. I was more in shape. Still tired, but less pain. I was able to write couple emails to arrange what I have missed and will miss in the week. Took med to force myself taking a nap in the afternoon. I was finally able to have a bowl of porridge. However, without much foods from the last two days, I felt dizzy.
Friday. much better. Stayed home as I still didn't have much energy. I walked slow, speak slow and everything is in slow motion.
Saturday. I thought I was doing good enf to drive down to Torrance (my friend was in hospital). I was okay when I drove down but not driving back. A surprise of the weekend: Keith drove down. kakakakaka this is huge. Very committed boyfriend as I can tell.
Sunday. Realizing my limitation, I only stayed for Sunday service but not the fellowship. I can only afford activities with several hours. Slowly regaining my strengths but I was impatient. I forgot what it looks like getting sick and starting recovery. My body obviously takes its time. Sch has started and tons of work are piling up. I did assignment and reading for class. Hope that I can close the day soon (now is close to 10pm).
Thank you note: This is the period when I vividly feel the love from every one. My roommate freaked out when she drove me to ER. My another roommate regularly fed me with med. Different people prepared meals for me. Keith took care of me during weekend. Sometimes it's just good to be vulnerable.
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Re: jf -- fwong, 12:22:00 10/06/09 Tue
oh, poor thing. That must be so "sun full".
how do you feel now? Catching up with the schoolwork?
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Re: jf -- EC, 11:45:05 10/08/09 Thu
I drop one class as I don't want to stress myself out. It's really terrible. Now I am fully recovered. Just a bit impatient last weekend as I forgot that it took a while to re-gain my body strength. Now it's much better.
kaka but I found out that getting sick may be is the fastest way to get a better skin: enf sleep and foods at home. Crazy idea~
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half-day cafe -- EC, 12:35:18 09/16/09 Wed
This is just another good day. I am having The 'Erik' panini with roasted turkey, tomato, bacon and pepper jack, together with my summer comfort drink iced mocha with no wip. No worries, no tight schedule, no extra duties and no contacts. It's just yummy foods with yummy readings, free wifi and a pair of glasses. Awesome!!!!!!
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"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ" -- Phil. 3:7, 12:29:43 09/15/09 Tue
This is always my struggle. I have the ability to strive for the best in the world. Yet, it makes me anxious. I can be proud of many things happened in my life. Yet, I tried so hard to keep the record of perfection which indeed never happens in reality and I lost the favor of God's grace. This is the reason why I feel stress out in graduate sch. Simply because, I want to be the best. In a totally strange environment, I seek external approval to inform me my values. Pathetically, the approval is never enough to satisfy my unlimited ego.
Maybe all I need is being good enough and be okay with that. Relationship always rescue me and tone down my ambition. I may not be able to change in a night but being around with people gives me energy and reminds me, indeed, something, other than being outstanding, gains the priority in my life. I don't want to strive for sth which turns out that really doesn't mean anything to me. Quoted a song title, All I need is Love. It's the love from God. It's the love from people created by God.
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2-week break -- EC, 22:44:42 09/14/09 Mon
What's going recently? Let see. I am actually in a self-made 2-week summer vacation. One plus point of having a long-distance boyfriend is that I can get away from Pasadena once in a while and treat the getaway as vacation.
So, what is the difference between sch day and vacation?
1) I don't have to work, both research and part-time job. This empties a quarter of my schedule.
2) I sleep in til 10-11am. I can't sleep in til that late even after I have my own room.
3) Enjoying relax time without feeling guilty. I can really enjoy my relax time if I have had a productive day. Now, I relax, relax and relax.....
4) I look different. Today, I looked at the picture which I took on Sat. My first response is MTuYnnTNth needs to explain more.
5) Weekend without coffee shop but going wherever I want to
6) no need to look into my schedule which is wide open every day
7) gchat and msn are ON
8) touch base with people in Hong Kong
This is my deep breath before I continue to swim into my 3rd year PhD life
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I really like dancing -- EC, 03:21:48 08/23/09 Sun
In Hong Kong, I went to clubbing probably once or twice. I just remembered the first time when I threw up after drinking 6 glasses of vodka and taking "life-losing" minibus from Causeway Bay to HKU. I promised myself that I will never drink more than 6 vodka.
In Boston, I went to clubbing once with the other 3 girls. The funniest thing was that I danced with African-American most of the time. And I have to tell, they were SO GOOD in dancing that it just energized me.
In LA, I went to clubbing three to four times up til now. It's just becoz I meet people from church who will go dancing with me. Then, I figure out, I really like DANCING!!!! It's just have FUN to move your body =)
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a sleep-in Sat -- EC, 12:59:44 08/22/09 Sat
Wake-up time: 10:20am. This is the luxury of having my own room. Awesome!!!!! And I have been staying up late and waking up early for the last couple days. It's time to recover from the deprivation of sleep.
already, after all the late-night dating with the Syrophoenician woman in Mark, i met with her again at 1pm noon on Sat~~ =)
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introvert-extrovert -- EC, 01:07:49 08/21/09 Fri
Today I felt like summer as I hung out with a friend from Northern California for a whole day (photos on facebook). One of my new roommate Grace asked me if I was an introvert or an extrovert. It's really hard to tell depending the definition. Some people said that an introvert will be energized by being alone most of the time while an extrovert by being with people. Then I will say, in the continuum of introvert-extrovert, I was an extrovert before I start the overseas relocation and am moving towards the introvert-end without crossing the middle point yet. Occassionally, I need to be alone and enjoy the quietness in order to feel refresh, just like now =)
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My PhD -- EC, 00:42:44 08/20/09 Thu
Life of PhD is pretty boring, at least comparing with my post-college life. Yet, it is not boring as I have experienced a lot. In my therapy, I described a PhD as if the hour hand of a clock. You cannot really see when it moves but it does move. I just cannot summarize how much my perspective and standpoint has changed due to encountering different concepts and people. It is not about a particular significant event but accumulation of daily interaction bit by bit. Pursuing a PhD is more than studying. It is totally a self-reflective process through which I learn what thing in life gains the priority. I have to constantly ask and adjust myself as it's so easy that I get suck into a focal point and fail to see a bigger picture. I feel naked as I have to face my vulnerability. I truly think it's worthwhile having all these pains. Yes, most of the time, people try to escape from pain. We don't like to suffer. Ironically, suffering pushes us to go beyond the present self or even go beyond ourselves. I am not being ascetic. Yet, I am willing to be in the moment when I have to face all these pains.
PS: one of the funny ways to understand the life of PhD * http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php *
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a shoot blog -- EC, 22:50:32 08/13/09 Thu
Shoot!! coz the blog stirs my heart.
Long time ago, I randomly surfed on internet and clicked into a blog. A blog owns by a lady whom, I guess, is a musician in Belgium. She blogs her life in Belgium, sometimes in London, sometimes in Paris or anywhere in Europe. She wrote about the snow scenes. She described the coffee shop where she edited the music. She took pictures from her balcony with a clear sky. She said that she composed a song while sitting in a plaza.....
In my first time visit, I realized how much I still don't want to settle down and how much I wanna try to work in Europe. The visit made me feel impatient as LA is not a place where I wanna stay and I wanna finish the program asap. I wanna able to fly.
Maybe I unconsciously escape from clicking to the blog. After a while, it's my 3rd or 4th visit of the blog tonight. Again, it stirred my heart as if I can hear a voice deep down yearning for relocation adventure. Don't get me wrong. My life in LA is fantastic. Yet, I am just not ready to settle geographically.
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a glimpse of sparkle -- EC, 11:57:58 08/13/09 Thu
A glimpse of sparkle is the moment of excitement when one finds the "click" with sth that just gets hooked onto one's heart.
I have been thinking about my interest in the field for a while. As you all know, I am the queen of multi-tasking!!!!! So, when there are many options among which I have to pick one that I am particularly interested in, it is very hard for me as I am often interested in quite a few things.
And back up a little bit, during the process of searching my career interest, there are two topics popped out in my head: neuropsychology (brain and nervous system with behavior, cognition and emotion) and trauma (traumatic experience and resilience). Yet, I never know how I can combine two topics together. At least I can't find any prof. doing both at Fuller. Therefore, I made up my mind to stay with neuropsy. lab as it was not easy to jump back into the neuropsy. track.
The glimpse of sparkle happened yesterday in class when a researcher talked about resilience (a capacity to protect one from facing adversity), brain plasticity (simply speaking, the function of brain is not fixed and can often change) and social and relational factors (eg: interpersonal relationship). He said that resilience is the capacity owned by every one. The matter is not whether you have it or not but whether you exercise your muscle of resilience. Based on a holistic view of humankind, resilience can be understood in many perspectives, including mental, social, physical, communal, individual and etc. Indeed, the support on brain plasticity informs that new neural connections are constantly created even during the adulthood and the elderhood. AND most importantly, social and relational factors are crucial resilience enhancing factors.
THEREFORE, now I have a bit more information to narrow down my interest: (drum rolling~~~~~~)
The relationship between resilience and brain plasticity, in which how social and relational factors enhance both.
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a long update -- EC, 00:43:56 08/12/09 Wed
Hi all, haven't posted a msg here as I was having a very busy month. Here's a few notes to update:
1) The busyness started with a 2-week intensive of the Gospel of Mark. I needed to attend 4-hr class every day, together with everyday assignment and reading. The class was taught by a young prof. and indeed was very interesting. It introduced many ways of criticisms through which to read Mark. I particularly enjoyed using narrative criticism to comprehend the plot of Jesus' story. Since the class was only 2 weeks, it was hard for me to learn using some new lens to read Mark. Although I barely can understand what it means by, for instant, using feminist or colonialist criticism to read Mark, these tools are very helpful tools that enrich my understanding of Mark and connect the Bible to my reality. Overall, I enjoy the class of biblical studies.
2) After the 2-week exhaustion, I flew out to attend a wedding in Berkeley. As missing out all the weddings in HK was a significant loss for me, I definitely tried all my best to attend weddings in the States. Johnny and Jennifer are good friends of mine and Keith. We felt excited for their new family and honored that we could help in the wedding. Indeed, Keith was the one who gave toast in the wedding banquet. He decided to do o to say all the good things about the groom. kakaka I could tell that he was pretty nervous the night before as I needed to help him practice and type out the Chinese in powerpoint. It turned out to be a great "performance" as the highlighted event in the banquet. Although I have dated Keith for 3.5 years, recently I have continuously discovered sth "new" from him. It is not a shock or a surprise to me. I know him well. But how he presents himself is different. I feel like as if he find his stage where he feels comfortable and he can fully actualize his potential. That's how I feel.
O btw, I was the MC of the banquet. It ran very smooth except the part of cutting cake. Obviously, the groom and the bride had no idea about the rundown which I had to ask the waiter. Now I have experienced about that. One thing down on my CV kakakakaka
3) My last intensive class started on Monday right after the wedding weekend. You can image how exhausted I was.
Then I got my emotional breakdown.
I didn't even know what exactly caused the breakdown. I cried throughout the therapy. I was shocked by that. Confusion and uncertainty of the future frustrated me. I hated that I could not narrow down my career interest. I was afraid that I wasn't as good as other students. I realized that I gradually disconnected from my story in HK. All these created a chaos inside me. Within a week, I cried twice. One in the therapy, one in the praying meeting. I slowly processed what the crying meant for me.
Then I had a class retreat on Friday.
I prayed when I walk through the laybrinth. I connected with Moses' story. Before i decided to come to California, I had the picture with me that my going to CA is similar to the period when Moses spent his time in the desert before God called him to lead Israel out of Egypt. I knew that this was a period of preparation. I was affirmed in my prayer that I just need to walk with God day by day. I thought that Moses probably had a hard time in desert. Being a prince of Egypt for many years, it wasn't easy to be nobody in the desert. I am not sure if Moses would feel satisfied with his life in desert. He used to be a person who had fire in his hard. Otherwise, he wouldn't kill the Egyptian in order to protect his people. Yet, Moses didn't become the great leader of Israel by then. Not until after Moses spending those years in desert, God finally called him with vocation. I don't have to know my future as there is no way I can know. I am not going to worry sth that actually is not under my control (my prof. introduced a new popular phrase: "the illusion of control"). I just need to live out my faith day by day, here and now. Then I know I am on my way to the destination.
4) Currently, I am in the class called Self-Care/Member-Care in Mission. Basically, it's a class about different issues of sending people to mission field such as traumatic experiences, vicarious trauma (traumatized by listening traumatic stories), culture shock, experiencing loss and war, MK/TCK (missionary kids/third culture kids) and burnt out. I particularly identified with the topic of MK/TCK as their experiences are similar to pastor's/elder's kids. When the speaker explained how these children were living in a glass hut with everybody looking at them, my heart stopped. This was EXACTLY how I felt in the past. The more the speaker talked about the MK/TCK experiences, the more I identified with them. The MK/TCK experience provides me a framework to understand what I have gone through and why I have acted so. Still three more days to go before the class comes to the end. Def. looking forward to learn more about this field.
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unexpected stay-home day -- EC, 18:41:54 07/15/09 Wed
Yes, I have stayed home for a whole day. What have I done? writing and reading. Sigh~ this "sigh" is not for the contents of books, which in fact are pretty interesting, but for the action of reading itself. This is the 2nd day of full-day reading. I fell asleep with full exhaustion at 10:30pm last night. Make a guess of what time I will fall asleep tonight!?
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Having so much fun at Asilomar -- EC, 15:47:45 07/09/09 Thu
I am currently attending a training conference about treating children with autistic spectrum disorders. First of all, the video and ppt presentations are AMAZING!!!! I am thrilled by the experiences of all professionals. Particularly, I have to say that it opens my eyes about the work of OT. I think their specialty at constructing sensory profile can provide some very useful information for psychologist to tailor intervention for the children and the family.
Besides, the most fantastic thing is the camp site. It's just PHENOMENAL!!!!Just take 5-min walk, I can then step on sands soft like pillow. At night after the evening seminar, I can walk back to my room with the accompany of sea breeze and the sound of the wave. Isn't that GORGEOUS?
More, I met a friend here. Yes yes yes I can be friend with everyone. Yet I have a good sense whether I can click with people. Not many ppl that I can truly click with. BUT I MET ONE HERE!!!! Just a talk at dinner, we ware like good friend ever. AND....SHE IS ALSO FR LA!!!! I would love to hang out with her even after the conference.
This is truly a blessed 2-week-off from school as I can be recharged and get ready for 2 other tough intensive summer classes.......
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Skipping over a stage: parenting without marriage -- EC, 13:55:33 06/11/09 Thu
When I read the blogs of my friends talking about parenting and all the challenges, I am coaching parents how to deal with all these challenges, particularly the most difficult situations. It proves several things: 1) it doesn't have to be parents in order to be able to do coaching 2) i have my 100% empathy toward parents without being a parent 3) it's scared me enough that i keep questioning myself if I wanna be a parent.
If I don't know the reality, I will not be afraid of anything. I will just do it and commit to it. Once I have committed to it, I will walk through it. However, with such realization, I hesitate to commit while I still have a choice to NOT commit. Maybe this is the reason why humankind is supposed not to know the future as we are coward being.
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Re: Skipping over a stage: parenting without marriage -- fwong, 13:55:33 06/11/09 Thu
I had thought these thru before as well.
Truly agree with it. Glad to hear that parents are willing to take advice from single friends, it doesn't happen a lot.
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JԨ䪺Ĥ@ -- EC, 11:59:03 06/03/09 Wed
ڵĤ@
ڬO{ۤvF
{Τ@ӹ諸kPBͬ۳B
]{ڪBͥuݭnXѺCCƨƱ
ĤG
ڶ}lh
̧ڭYڰAO_`pץhIĤ@ѪqܡH
sڭǯ_AZ۬۹H
ĤT
ڪB͵ڤ@ʹql
ҩڲĤ@Ѫu{vO諸
PıoSO
NYwg@ؤF
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Re: JԨ䪺Ĥ@ -- enoch, 11:29:54 06/03/09 Wed
ګY]W3nlpJҵ{
Nstudy L nlp ???
䤤11ӫeD]
ıo "Τzѭn" & "qNqMw誺^"
& "Sѥu^T" YiHΨYAe case W
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Re: JԨ䪺Ĥ@ -- EC, 11:59:03 06/03/09 Wed
我聽過和與同事交流過NLP
但沒有讀過
我對NLP有保留
不過你可以解釋一下如何應用
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Ԩ䪺Ĥ@ -- EC, 23:32:29 05/27/09 Wed
b~oX~AΤ@HӳO@ӰD
ODAϦӬO@ӯ
`OAaBɶMHڹw
Ĥ@AuHvX{FְD
کڵ@BͪǤ
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]۪BͪӤHDMڪDۤv
Ǥͤju|Ʊܱo
aƧڪDۤvF
{boڵoOڤ@I]n
o^OڷPL`
ڪDڵOb̦pN
uO٬On@Iɶⱡ
Τ@ıAѤSORƱ檺@
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a brand-new Week 8 -- EC, 15:15:11 05/20/09 Wed
Usually, at this pt of the qtr, I would start listing out all the assignment and exams that I have to finish. My stress index often went up high, beyond the tolerable level. I would not want to do anything other than reading. I didn't enjoy any activity even I might try to participate. Strangely, the Week-8 syndrome doesn't emerge this time. Maybe I FINALLY get used to the busy schedule and can really act out the I-don't-care attitude in a positive way =)
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Silent retreat -- EC, 15:06:44 05/16/09 Sat
Yesterday, I went to a monastery for a silent retreat with a class. At the beginning, I was afraid that I would be distracted by all the responsibilities and assignment. Even when you are willing to slow down and meditate, the intrusive thoughts sometimes may just uncontrollably pop up. Fortunately, it didn't happen. I chose a place where I could enjoy the sunshine and the shade. I put down my blanket and just sit there. I closed my eyes to enjoy the warmth. The breeze gently soothed my skin. The sweet singing from the birds as if they were praising the Lord. I was embraced by the overflow of joy and hope in the presence of God. With no hurry in my schedule, I simply allow time to pass. This was such a wonderful experience in which I was simply "being" but not "doing".
The quietness continues even I am back to the city. I am an outsider of reality in a sense that I am not being sucked into life but the life is presented to me which I can have a choice. I do not spin into the whirl, but I can clearly see the whirl from the outside. It's not about the busy schedule that drives me crazy but the whirl created by the busy schedule. As long as I maintain the internal calmness and rhythm, I can live with the whirl without being sucked into it.
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Lh| -- EC, 21:48:11 05/14/09 Thu
P@@Lۤv
PGڰѤF@ӷ|ijAץuOOıoޤpH
PTߤbjڧ⥪䨮F
ڪDۤvӦ۫H@I
ڪDFƦӼ~TOܵL
ڪD`|Q᪺@
OQN`OQۦۤvOa
߱@n
qƪuU
nAڪѦbP|Lh
P|̫@Ҵڬڷ|bŪ
ҥuEH
Ұ`OHëiΦ}l
͵ۥͬB͵۬siסB]͵۹ߪg
M᩼bëi
MѮvJ@Ӥ߲zɭn۪M
n{ѦۤvuIM
nդ@ӻɭOLiAXҦfH
bAɭԷ|n@Xश
ѡAت~T@UlNѶ}F
Mıo@٬OiHRƱ
AOqۤva
]YӦۤviHL᪺QkӧxZ
clienthF@Pz
Pɧڲ`HtFzL͢Hfaڦw
¤Ѥ
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My statement -- EC, 09:49:57 05/12/09 Tue
I am pursuing what I would like to do in future
I am responding to who I am called to be
Therefore, I am willing to continue the journey
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Week-7 syndrome -- EC, 18:21:24 05/11/09 Mon
The accumulated exhaustion kicks in and my gear wheel of life stops. All I wanna do is watching TV, going to beach or reading the Bible/meditation. I do not want to write paper about the brain. I do not want to write report about personality/cognitive functioning. I do not want to read for community psychology. I do not want to do research for my dissertation. I do not want to discuss studies about brain imaging with all the medical-technological vocabularies that I have no clue what they mean. I do not want to think about my next year schedule which I have to fit 15-hr lab work, 12-hr practicum, 4-hr play therapy and 3 classes every week.
It's too tried even just thinking about all these. I type them out and I erase them from my brain....
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Night with 3 beers -- EC, 12:26:32 05/11/09 Mon
It's so important that one can find a "click" friend. Seriously, I can only find one in my cohort. His name is Robert. We love beer. We both somehow have an arrogant side that we think we are different and outstanding. Right~ (bear with me). We went to Pasadena Old Town, trying the fantastic Fish n Chips at Lucky Baldwin. With three beers, we talked about relationship, life and religion. Honestly, what can be more profound than these topics?
The more I talk abt the relationship, the more I realize how satisfied and joyful I am with my relationship with keith. For life and religion, I found out that in most of the situation, I hide part of myself. I will not express my whole theology to everyone in church for three reasons: 1) they will get me wrong and stereotype me into the liberal type 2) it's not fair as they don't have the resources to wrestle through 3) I don't want to bring meaningless argument or discussion. Of course there is no way for me to present my full self with English at Fuller. Language makes quite a difference.
Anyway, I just love the Lucky Baldwin's dinner~
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Re: Night with 3 beers -- fwong, 12:26:32 05/11/09 Mon
I can't agree with you more on this, esp #1 and 3!!
And yes, we all need click friends..very very important. :-)
Glad that you have found one there. Let's continue drinking when you are here in June.
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One Piece -- EC, 21:57:53 05/10/09 Sun
I love One Piece
It delineates my ideal attitude of life:
the importance of having a dream
the boldness of pursuing a dream
the companionship throughout the course
without the ambitious of conquer
only the enjoyment of freedom
This is my ideal.
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PTL -- EC, 18:42:53 05/10/09 Sun
All of my dear friend, I would like to share my thanksgiving with you all that I am awarded the research fellowship at Fuller. My tuition fees for the nxt 2-qtr are set. In this faith journey encompassed lots of difficulties and losses, I experience God's love through the care from brothers and sisters. I deeply appreciate all the prayers and monetary support. I would like to express my sincere gratitude: Thanks a lot~~~~
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Where is my story? -- EC, 21:14:45 05/05/09 Tue
In the class of Diversity, we had a guest speak who is a Native American. I was moved by her story. Native Americans have a strong belonging to the land. When she spoke of her experience of leaving home land and staying in Pasadena for 15 years, she cried. She got excited by talking about ceremonies to celebrate different stages of life. She introduced the abusive history of colonization: Native American children were forced to go to the boarding sch at age of 5 being separated from the family; the indigenous identity was being ripped off as the children were not allowed to speak the mother tongue and their parents were being called as "stupid"; the sense of internalized inferiority leads to all other psychological symptoms and drinking problems; the consequence of trauma was passed down across generations. I was moved by her story. She, as a person, stood before me and vividly presented a glimpse of Native American history. More than that, I envy that she has her own story. Where is my story? Do I know my story? Would I be able to articulate and pass down the stories and rituals unique in my culture and family? Maybe I also live in the impact of colonization which partially washes away my cultural identity. I would like to get it back.
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g -- EC, 23:43:38 05/03/09 Sun
Ĥ@gBͪMI
ӶgAکMt~ͤHݥѭԳۦo
ܬP@oAɭ
---------------------------------------------
Keith was here this weekend
It's just good that I could be vulnerable before someone whom I trust
Forgot about assignment but BBQ, board game and beach
---------------------------------------------
Praise the Lord for the beautiful weather
Thank you God for Your love that enables us to love each other
I pray that You remember us, remember all of our needs
I pray for extra strengths that get us through all the sorrows and suffering
I pray that You shine upon us with the miracle of healing
You are the Lord who guides us and protects us
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
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YEAH~~~~It's FRI tmw!!!!!! -- EC, 21:53:49 04/30/09 Thu
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I hate Monday....blink blink FRI!!!! -- EC, 15:35:10 04/27/09 Mon
To be fair, I had a very fantastic retreat weekend in which we had solitude time and game time playing Scavenger's Hunt at Disney Downtown.
AND THEN, I am just too exhausted to do any school work. I forced myself going to Starbucks on Sunday afternoon to finish up some assignment due in the coming week. My Monday combo is tons of lab meetings and supervision, plus the evening class. Now, my energy level is too low to run this Mon combo. I wish I could blink my eyes 4 times and jump to Friday.....
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my button is being pushed -- EC, 22:52:26 04/26/09 Sun
Whenever I am not in a position of having advantage, I am frustrated. I hate myself being overwhelmed by a sense of incompetency losing the beauty of self-confidence. I settled a bit after talking with my roommate (PS: can't believe that she is graduating in summer). It's been two years. Life in graduate sch has pushed my button a lot. The button of pride. The more my button is being pushed, the more frustrated I experience and the more I have to humble myself. It's the same button over 2 years. Although it's a spiral growth (think abt spiral stair: walk across the same point but moving upward), it's tough every time when I need to come across the same point. Still, I hate that my button is being pushed. Or I just hate having this button inside me.
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The retreat weekend -- EC, 16:21:03 04/24/09 Fri
Yes, the retreat weekend happens in between my Week 4 and 5
Bad time, as it's a mid-term week
I crammed everything into my last 4-day schedules: reading, writing, meeting and socializing
It's exhausting but I gain back my weekend
maybe I should apply this strategy to reclaim all weekends for fun :)
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New experiences -- EC, 14:50:22 04/22/09 Wed
My 1st session in therapy
I cried out of surprise
the unexpected emotional burden in heart
experiencing loss of freedom in different aspects of life
I was within my story
Yet, my story was partially unfolded in the 1st session
I attended the Faculty meeting as an international student rep.
intimidating and affirming
With the invisible prof-student hierarchy inside me
I spoke up with my tremble voice
Seeing all the nodding heads
I knew the voice of international students was heard
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The third summer day -- EC, 22:38:12 04/20/09 Mon
When it's 97 degree at Pasadena, I was glad that I stayed indoor at school for the whole day
Indeed, some of the classrooms have been freezing cold
I love the coldness
I hate the waste of energy
What can I do about it?
Anyway, I feel blessed in my new apt (as I moved in last Dec)
My old apt was on the 3rd floor (the top floor) with a big glass wall window
The a/c was actually in the kitchen instead of the living/bedroom as there was not window for a/c
Now, I live in the 1st floor with a/c in the living room
Though I don't have a/c inside the room
I do have my favorite ceiling fan
While I try to test my limit by sitting at the patio and attempt NOT to turn on the a/c
I fail and enjoy the cool air from the oldest a/c I ever had
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The second summer day -- EC, 22:26:55 04/20/09 Mon
This was the day when I hit the beach with my new Birkenstock from Utah
Randomness brings three girls from San Gabriel all the way to Hermosa Beach and finally stopped at Redondo Beach for the yummiest seafood place
Spending Sunday's afternoon, sitting on the beach with laughs was just much funnier than sitting in the coffee shop with my laptop
No guilty feeling at all with a non-productive day
This is just not a day for work...
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The first summer day -- EC, 23:03:15 04/18/09 Sat
With the kiss of sunshine
I put on my sleeveless and my new sandal
bringing a bag of books, papers and my dearest laptop
First I visited a new coffee shop named Sabor cafe
nice smile nice service and nice spiced Mexican mocha
Home with a phone call break
nice catch-up with Florence, my dearest Boston friend
can't wait to see them all on Jun
a warm talking with mum, as usual :)
Heading to my second stop: Peet's coffee on Lake
got one more thing done at the second stop
Stop by my two church friends new home at San Gabriel
A group of 9 headed to all-u-can-eat Korean BBQ
realize once again that I am a unlimited meat consumer
Sapporo with Korean BBQ just a perfect match
Look at the clock and it's only 11pm
What can happen more in my first summer day? *v*
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Busy Thurs as usual -- EC, 23:49:42 04/16/09 Thu
My schedule today is round the clock
classes, lab and part-time work
It is the schedule from 8am to 8pm
When I was in my last class of the day
I had my usual chocolate and coke
well well well...sugar and caffeine support my vital signs
Mexican foods marked the end of my day
Full of laughs with cohort people
What did we laugh about?
I don't remember
It doesn't matter as my day is ended with laughs
That's good enough to end my round-the-clock day
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Blow, blow, blow away -- EC, 23:13:42 04/15/09 Wed
It's a windy day
It blows everything away
The chaos, the imbalance and the tense are all gone
What's left?
The peace, the priority and the energy are here
I hope they are with me til the end of the day
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Squeezing out.... -- EC, 22:51:26 04/04/09 Sat
It is unbelievable that I have two full days out during the weekend. It can only happen in the 1st week of the qtr. The schedules of Fri and Sat were packed with free concert, lunch with friend fr Boston, worship practice and playing badminton. There are LOTS OF FUN!!!!! Now I have to extend my night and focus back to my sch work. WOHO~~~ flying out again next weekend!!
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ѱߤW -- EC, 20:00:19 04/02/09 Thu
QѾr^aɭԡAڬݨ@ӫܬ鸨A``QlۡCMڷQ_AAPAqqܡAAbڤhWεۤFAڻ^aYL߶NΧaT
ڦ^aAӤ߲iդF@AOAwCYL߶AivvabFoWtŪFQѥAANPaC
oOnϵeAiAYA߷RAڤ]ݤAAu]ڭǤO۶ZpɡC
Ѿr^aɭԡAѮIAڬ藍AA⨮x]}ɤFCMڽwwaۤ@jfASQ۶WeAuQCCaۡA@CA]ڪD^auکMqASaxA]SڹwƪAbΪAFoWAu½@BqM"Lost"A٦@ߤ]ݤѥݵۧڡCoOڤѪߤWC
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JIC vs JIT worldview -- EC, 15:57:33 04/01/09 Wed
When I was waiting at the dental office for 2 hrs, I randomly picked up a magazine and surprisingly found some interesting concepts which could be life-changing.
JIC stands for just-in-case vs JIT for just-in-time. The author explains that most of the ppl tend to hold the mindset of JIC because they believe that everything good is scarce. Turning out, people possess more than they have to which creates many other problems such as poor-rich discrepancies. More than social phenomenon, such concept can also have impact in terms of relationship as people love out of the fear but not of authenticity. To conclude, JIC is simply crazy in the abundant world that we are in.
On the other hand, JIT is simply productive. The author uses the delivery of manna in the desert to convey the importance of JIT worldview. The Lord instructs His people to collect manna which is just enough for the day because they can collect manna again in the next day. The author states that it's a leap from fear to faith. Although she emphasizes that she isn't referring to religion, I can see the rail.
To switch from JIC to JIT worldview, she suggests three exercises: list 10 times when you think that you are not enf but then you survive, list 10 things that you are abundant of, list 20+ that things just happen right in time (beginning with some small things like breathing in air and etc.).
Although it's not all biblical, JIC vs JIT are insightful concepts. I consider these exercises as counting grace. When you intentionally list out the grace that you have received, I am sure that you can switch to JIT worldview. By saying that, I don't think switching is an easy task as I am still debating if I should return the dress that I have bought for wedding in summer, just in case I cannot find a nice one later. Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that things will happen just in time as we do not simply know about God but we KNOW God.
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I am back to Pasadena -- EC, 22:14:03 03/31/09 Tue
My spring qtr will be started tmw.
the kickoff for the next 10 weeks
Some notes in this spring break:
1) do you know your style? I always know that I am not the one who can be satisfied with 1 thing. I need many things. When I say this, I doesn't mean that I am greedy. I just know that I can handle more than 1 thing. Then why not I try to max. my potential? Originally I tried to think which lab I should settle with to work on my dissertation. I wanted to make a decision which then stopped me from wandering upon all the other options. Finally I decided to follow my style. I still work on 1 topic for my dissertation but I am NOT going to give up other interests, even in the midst of the qtr's craziness.
2) the Book of Revelation: I met a pastor whom I can totally see that he will become a theologian. I haven't enjoyed workshop at church for long time, esp those academic one. When I have had enf from the seminary for my theological knowledge, I long for sth else in the church. Yet, I once again tasted the sweetness of biblical knowledge in the workshop on the Book of Revelation. It's not only the information about the Revelation but also the memory of excitement that makes the workshop wonderful. I was excited because once again I was reminded the depth of the Bible. More important, I was reminded that I could be still excited when I read the Bible.
3) I found my joy through the subtle interaction. Most of the time, I felt love in the subtle acts because they come naturally. The acts are small but they mean big to me. I know that you love me so much because you just care me so much and do everything for me naturally.
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Re: I am back to Pasadena -- fwong, 12:21:24 03/31/09 Tue
"I haven't enjoyed workshop at church for long time, esp those academic one. When I have had enf from the seminary for my theological knowledge, I long for sth else in the church" --> I just can't agree with this more..this is exactly how I feel, but not dare to share with many others. :-P
Also, I heard partial of a workshop related to the book of Rev yesterday too. let's see if i will have the time to finish it :-)
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Re: I am back to Pasadena -- EC, 22:14:03 03/31/09 Tue
Yes, being a seminary student is a pretty unique experience which is hard to share with other brothers and sisters. That's why you need friends at sch...:)
I also only attended the part as it's a workshop at Berkeley church not LA. I have to wait Keith to share with me after this Fri for the 2nd part of the workshop.
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This is th 7th day of my spring break -- EC, 16:27:09 03/26/09 Thu
One of the advantages of spending my week in North Cal is that I can be home alone most of the days without talking. As long as the home-alone time is limited, it's actually super enjoyable. It's also fantastic when I can have a break from talking since talking is the major part of my profession. I still can't believe that it's already Thurs. I keep thinking backward (eg, I think it's Tue on Wed). That's the symptom of holiday :)
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The second day of Spring Break: Birkenstock -- EC, 01:23:53 03/22/09 Sun
We (Betty and I) drove 2.5 hrs to Zion National Park (Nevada-Arizona-Utah). It was unbelievable that I found Birkenstock store in Springdale, Utah!!!! I couldn't find one in San Francisco and LA but Springdale. This is my pattern: buying Birkenstock in vacation. Last time, I bought my Birkenstock at Key West, Florida. More important, IT'S ON SALE, HALF PRICE~~~~totally irresistible.
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The first day of Spring Break -- EC, 01:55:32 03/21/09 Sat
I AM AT VEGAS~~~~~~
some signatures for the day:
shopping for summer at Primm
Rio's seafood buffet
Mix at the top of THE hotel
AND RumJungle at Mandalay Bay *features with a group of three nice mature guys
SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY~~~~~~
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Not a good sign -- EC, 12:17:23 03/17/09 Tue
When I have a dream about my presentation tmw
When structuring my paper gives me a headache
When I am having my second cup of coffee
it's telling you that I am in my exam week
5 more days until I reach my paradise
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A good sign -- Ching san, 23:41:52 03/16/09 Mon
Just 3 more days to go. Keep up!
Ching san
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YEAH!!! I am on my last 15-page paper!!!!! -- EC, 10:16:17 03/17/09 Tue
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Re: YEAH!!! I am on my last 15-page paper!!!!! -- fwong, 12:17:23 03/17/09 Tue
YEAH!!!!
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Pɮ -- EC, 23:17:13 03/16/09 Mon
ڥbIYWFag@Pʤ峹ɭ
ڵo{`ءuPɮסvQDجukPkv
Sexuality (Dp½Ķ~O̦nӤ|OH~)TO@ӤޤHJӪD
PS: pAiyoutube[ݡuPɮסv
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Re: Pɮ -- ENOCH, 23:17:13 03/16/09 Mon
>ڥbIYWFag@Pʤ峹ɭ
>ڵo{`ءuPɮסvQDجukPkv
>Sexuality
>(Dp½Ķ~O̦nӤ|OH~)TO@ӤޤHJ?>ӪD
>PS: pAiyoutube[ݡuPɮסv
hey last week uk.kv wakaka
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Marching toward my Spring break -- EC, 22:52:29 12/20/10 Mon
I will have my last 3-hr class tmw which marks the end of all classes in this qtr. Two more papers and I will be done. Yeah~~~ can't wait to savor the peace and joy in Spring break.
Two significant things happened today:
1) I did my first lecture. Yes, I was teaching. Out of my surprise, I actually taught for 1.5 hours. Let me tell you, it's exhausted to stand for 2 hours and kept talking in English and answered questions at the same time. It's really neat that I actually like teaching and interacting with class. I definitely would like to be adjunct professor at some points :)
2) I can tell that my concept of "homosexuality is sinful" is changing. The model of attachment disorder introduced by my professor helps me to see the psychological impairment may underlie the sexual orientation. At the same time, the notion of "considering homosexuality as the highest level of functioning that they can attain" totally get me out from the loop of the "sinful" concept.
Plus, he pointed out that the rejection from church is parallel with the experience being rejected in early childhood which was the foundation of attachment disorder. If we think attachment disorder, similar to all the other disorder, can be explained in terms of the original sin and the brokenness of the world, the experience being rejected in early childhood is one expression of the brokenness. When the church think that abandoning homosexuality is one of the way to advocate that Christianity cannot tolerate sinful behaviors, the rejection and abandonment from church actually brings more harm than healing.
I am still processing his model. I dun want to draw any conclusion for myself before I think through it. Yet, his point of view definitely brings me some new insights which I have longer for.
PS: just some side notes, I cannot see how I can fully communicate my points of view with Chinese church. I almost can tell that everybody will hate me. On the one hand, I understand it's a long difficult journey. I do not come to the point where I am at in a day. On the other hand, I feel sad that it's very hard to open constructive dialogue if people are not willing to hear sth which is more than what they think it's right. I am not saying that people need to loosen on the standard provided in the Bible. However, people never know the standard that they are holding is valid if they do not evaluate it continuously with discernment.
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Re: Marching toward my Spring break -- ernus, 10:50:06 03/13/09 Fri
i also had a lot of struggling inside when i studied about homosexual in sociology. it's hard for me to agree with any side (church & sociology). but recently there're quite a lot of fight between church and homosexual groups in hk, then i think it through again and again and make my mind clearer. hope there's a chance to share with u.
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Re: Marching toward my Spring break -- EC, 15:40:57 03/14/09 Sat
Definitely look forward.....
I think that homosexuality is not natural. People has to acknowledge the etiology. At the same time, "correcting" the unnatural may not be the possible, just like all humankind are sinners still. Yet, we can have hope and trust in the work of the Holy Spirit. We live our life now and here and look forward to the time when Jesus Christ comes again.
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After sitting at the same spot at home for 24 hrs...... -- EC, 15:35:38 03/14/09 Sat
This is a paragraph which summarizes what I thought as a Christian psychologist:
Integrating the theological position on homosexuality and psychological position on the etiology of homosexuality, the goals of treatment is to bring healing through identifying the false self, finding freedom for the true self and possibility fostering the complete self in Christ depending the clients religious values and beliefs. These goals are established on several premises. First, therapists should not impose their values and beliefs upon clients (APA, 2002). For example, Christian therapists should not treat therapy as a place to convert clients into Christianity. There is no need for therapists and clients to obtain same set of values and beliefs in order to work together. Therapist should respect clients values and beliefs and clients responsibility for their own life and decision. Second, according to the theological position presented in this paper, Christian therapist considers homosexuality as a sign of brokenness and homosexual acts as a sign of human rebellious against God. The transformational power of Holy Spirit can bring healing, reconciliation and restoration both within individuals and, relationships with other and God. Third, Christian therapists should be open to the possibility that homosexuality can be the least dissonant course based on the concept of already-but-not-yet. The recovery from the brokenness emphasizes that humankind is no long under the bondage of sin and is new creation with freedom given by God. It does not have to be expressed in the manner of sexual orientations changes. The journey of faith is life-long and is completed at the eschaton.
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Moving to Mar... -- EC, 09:36:23 03/17/10 Wed
It's Week 9. In the midst of all the busyness, some notes for this qtr:
1) I like interacting with class, grading and lecturing. FUN :)
2) I had a most insightful lecture/sharing on homosexuality. It's the most convincing and constructive dialogue that I ever had.
3) I need feedback and I miss working. The affirmation at work (TA and play specialist) just makes me happy.
4) several times thinking "why not I just get the master and then leave". Wel, officially become a master collector -________-
5) I confirm that Winter Quarter is the hardest qtr. A quarter after a long break and only 1-week break to look forward, with rainy days and not much sun light.
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Re: Moving to Mar... -- ûOAiRi, 04:03:41 03/10/09 Tue
Hey gal,
sounds you are getting tired and stuck into the middle of education. Yup, I am experiencing my second time. However, I believe you can make it through because you want that degree, same as me in here. It is never easy, but we can make it through. Keep praying, moving, and working! Take a good care of yorself and enjoy the sunshine in CA.
Cora
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Re: Moving to Mar... -- EC, 20:22:35 03/10/09 Tue
It's week 10 now. That's why it's exhausted :)
How's everything goin with your studying? Btw, what are you studying now???
I am currently getting into some existential questions which I don't have time to think abt. I am waiting my spring break (10-day away from now) to dive into my own exploring journey (wel, I know, it sounds really mindfulness...)
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from Jan to Feb -- EC, 09:20:52 02/02/09 Mon
Feb is here. Honestly, I dunno where is Jan. The first week after Winter break, I was living in a shell in which I dreamt about life without sch and shut down all connections to reality. The second week, I forgot what's going on. Then I decided to fly out two consecutive weekends. The only evident for my school life in Jan is 1 torturing paper comparing the Greeks, the Hebrews and the Christian views on being humankind.
After two amazing weekends, I finally landed back to Pasadena. I started calling friends here to have lunch and catch up on the Winter break (yes, after 4 weeks in school). In the past weekend, I disciplined myself to work on the presentations and papers due by the end of the qtr. I resumed back to my long Sunday with church, studying and dinner with friends. I am finally restored. Now I can see my footprint walking towards Feb.
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a mentor -- EC, 20:27:55 01/15/09 Thu
I attended a class taught by a Singaporean prof. I realized how much I long for a clicked prof. When he taught abt what is CBT (one kinda therapy which I am into) and how it can be applied with cultural sensitivity illustrated by the example of Asian clients, I could not agree more. Not only his vision and passion lighted me up, his depth of knowledge and experience simply amazed me. His teaching affirmed and put meat into my thought in terms of cultural awareness in clinical setting. I am currently in the stage of my professional development where I need guidance and affirmation to encourage me go further in exploration. Instead of constantly having a sense that I have to get all the classes done, I am really eager to at least enjoy some classes. They function more than passing the knowledge but fueling energy for my life-long journey as wounded healer. I am looking for an attitude or way of life through which I can look forward for another new day with full of excitement and challenges, instead of finishing a day of burdens as soon as I can. I pray that I can have a mentor who can demonstrate me how to live that way and accompany with me in this adventure.
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Ƿt -- EC, 10:37:18 01/10/09 Sat
O]ڬOkĤlH
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ڤwgAۤvoضǷtl
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uߨǤlnڵӤ[
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Ǵ -- EC, 21:54:33 01/07/09 Wed
ĤTk^նͬ
wgA_
ۡu@Ѥvɶ
٬Oh۵L~L{New Mexico road trip
YOڮtIѰOFb[{ⴣqܸX
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TӬPLhFKK -- EC, 17:25:05 01/04/09 Sun
NYݼ
ڬJwinter breakNLhF
winter breakYڥ~̰Jɭ
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PS: oAڤwgcheckU~tgYPA@fuB͡ASiHlong weekendաTT
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ǤHǷQ -- EC, 05:54:08 01/03/09 Sat
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(ƹWOӲzuYn)
ťD
ڦajnSӤH
DAӬJɭ(gY)
L̳OP줣w
դh̯@MDM
嗰@AڬMS^_eX~Jܪk
ܧګYiH :)
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Re: ǤHǷQ -- Debby, 05:54:08 01/03/09 Sat
ڦɳ|ۦPQk!
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2/3 -- EC, 09:48:18 12/26/08 Fri
buuP
ڧɶﺡF
γPCHۻEɶ
Jߪɥ禳
ڲ`D
H۳B^
HɧڥPjaK۳Bl
@ɦb
ۦA{
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I am being sentimental... -- EC, 15:55:36 12/10/08 Wed
Indeed, I have been expecting my HK trip for a while. It's excited and it's scary. Actually, maybe I should say that I just dunno how to expect. Tons of questions are in my head. One thing for sure, I will hit by the change. No matter realizing my own chges, other ppl's chges or the changes in relationship etc., I will need time to process. I choose to scare myself with my imagination in order to have a "surprisingly" satisfactory trip.
ps: when I was chatting with a person in my lab, all the sudden I figured out that it's ridiculous to say "I haven't seen my family for 2 yrs".....
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gNͬ -- EC, 21:18:33 12/01/08 Mon
ڳwgN
gN
gNܻy
gN
]gN
ϦӥOگSOdN
G̳ܦFOڦ^q
o˥ͬUhNnF
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a picture of Belgium -- EC, 10:29:16 11/23/08 Sun
I randomly checked out a stranger's blog:
a photo of snowy street
a recipe of lemon cake with broccoli soup
a conversation abt music, movie and arts in a gloomy cozy cafe
......
I realize that I am not ready to get settled in a place
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Click or not Click, Now or Forever -- EC, 17:08:53 11/22/08 Sat
This is a sense of connection.
Some friends, I have known forever, way before I know who I am. They are part of your development. Nth can substitute their roles in my life. We can just simply point out each other wrongs without hesitation because I know we will be friend forever. These kinda of friends, I dun even know whether we click or not. It just happened. Not really based on my choice. They are just there and forever there. Maybe I can even say, the relationship is somehow in btw friendship and family.
When I grow up, I start meeting new friends when I kinda know who I am. This is when the strong sense of "clickness" kicked in. Sometimes, I know it's click. Sometimes I just know it's not. Yet, most of the time, I know I can only click to certain degree. And with a very small chance, I can totally click with someone, as if I find my treasure.
My friendship with all unavoidably changes due to my constant relocation. I dun even know how to explain. On one hand, I meet new friends and have a new social web whenever I go. They are those who really knows what's going in my life at the moment. Yet, I sometimes keep asking how many I will keep in touch if I relocate again. On another hand, I have friends whom I have known forever and we just have a very solid foundation regardless where I am. Yet, they may not know what is going in my life now.
Kinda ironic.
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Thanks for all the love and care -- EC, 00:59:59 11/19/08 Wed
I am back on the track. Just keep running for these last 4 weeks. After that, I will be back and see you all. luv'ya
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Turmoil: my lament -- EC, 10:52:03 11/17/08 Mon
Here is the email that I sent to the fellowship in LA:
Hi brothers and sisters,
As a body in Christ, I wanna share with you all what's going on currently in my life. Yesterday, when I said I was too close to the brokenness, i was thinking of my friend. Indeed, I was surprised by my emotional reaction during worship. Due to personal privacy, I can't tell much about the problem. I can say, what's going on in her and how she responds/deal with the situation really makes all her friends feel sad, including me and my roommate.
I thought I was in a good position to interact with her, keeping a good distance and boundary (hehe here is my professional sense kick-in). Until the moment when I have to articulate what I think about brokenness, all my deep down emotions were triggered. This is not the brokenness in a broad sense, rite we all are broken. This is the brokenness that I interact every day and I can see how helpless it can be. It's really sad to see one going down the road, you almost know where they are heading, and at the same time, the best way for me to repsond is to do nth. It's tough. It's tough for me, my roommate and my friend.
Adding to all the above, this is going to be the 8th week in this qtr. Our life has been hectic. My roommate and I simply need to admit our limits and adjust the priority. Of course, my lovely laptop helps to complicate the drama a little bit.
When I stepped out last nite, I cried really hard in my car. That was a good cry as my body was telling me what was going on. I talked to my roomate (indeed, we both are getting tired of "talking"...). We are just exhausted, emotionally and physically.
This is my sharing. I hope that you can keep everything in yr prayer. My short-term goal is that I just need to focus and finish all the papers one by one within these 3-4 weeks. Life goes on and what we can do is to know how to live with all the experiences.
peace,
Esther
When I read the blog of friend talking about the feeling going to another friend's wedding (sorry, I didn't write the response on your blog, simply becoz I don't think yr msg needs response. I do wanna share what I think here after I read yr msg), I wanna say: all these honest genuine feelings give me a sense of reality in life.
All the feelings are still here. I feel sad when I think about my friends in heaven. I feel exhausted when I have to talk things with friends over and over again. I feel worried when I see my friends is going to hit the wall. I feel stressful when I need to write 7 papers in 4 weeks. Yet, I am not walking the same step over and over again. I am moving forward, moving forward with the community. I have the family who protects and nurtures me. I have people who love me. I have churches who support me. Most importantly, I am part of God's creation whom He loves and cares about.
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pray for u -- ernus, 00:05:45 11/17/08 Mon
no matter what happens to u, we're all here supporting u.
and God is always with u too.
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Re: Turmoil: my lament -- fwong, 10:52:03 11/17/08 Mon
be here for you.
When you are burning out, you are just burning out. when you are overloaded, you ARE overloaded. sometimes, we just have no "solution" for that. Will pray for you and may you be contented in Him.
If you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to call me. You don't have to worry about the privacy issue that way, because i don't know any people there at CA. :-P
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Move my body -- EC, 13:57:31 11/12/08 Wed
How many times do I need to make up my mind over and over again about doing exercise? okie....i can't live in this hectic life plus having clients, without doing exercise. I should start going to GYM......
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[[@ -- EC, 16:23:54 11/07/08 Fri
@
ԱoӦ泣nP@P
NYP@PJq
sigh~~~~~~~
ťN
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I just have to spill out here..... -- EC, 20:21:58 11/04/08 Tue
What the heck!!! All people change their statues on facebook related to Obama. When I say "all", I refer to friends both in US and Hong Kong. Stop it!!!!! Just another person to be US president. Yes, he will have power. Still, human being. Expectation and hope should not be put on 1 person. That's why people keep blaming the authority as if they can escape from personal responsibility. jeepersssssss
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ݵۡuvUӪ@ -- EC, 08:04:58 10/26/08 Sun
oӾǴALebqX{
P|AP|ߤW
Lצpn@
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. -- EC, 21:10:55 10/25/08 Sat
V樣Mo{
jۨQ~
ڷQy
uh
hA
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can't agree more...... -- EC, 22:40:48 10/22/08 Wed
quoted fr my friend's lecture in which my professor said the following:
his (my professor's) friend said, "i have recently bought a house."
the prof. said, "me too and it is hanging on the wall, called 'Ph.D.'"
-_____________-
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I KNEW IT..... -- EC, 21:19:10 10/22/08 Wed
Indeed, I really like serving God through serving brothers and sisters. I start to prepare the small group bible/topic study tonite. Honestly, I just wrongly pick a very bad week to take up this role and have no clue why it will happen over and over again.
Anyways, when I am in the midst of frustration, I surprisingly have a sense of peace simply by preparing for the small group. The feeling is like working Maths/Accounting. Like any assignment, it's always not fun to study when you already have tons of work on the to-do list. However, once you kick it off, you get more and more excited by getting the questions done one by one. This is exactly what I am feeling now. I am energized now!!!!! I just need to remind myself, no matter how busy I am, serving indeed is a way out but not a burden.
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Love at the first sight: the wallet and the backpack -- EC, 16:30:46 10/11/08 Sat
Sometimes I buy stuff which really gets my heart. In general, a person will only buy stuff which only seems appealing to him/her. This is basic logic. I am not talking about those stuff. In my definition, things got my heart need to fall into either one of the following two criteria.
1) The object which clicks with my heart and, over time, the connection gets deeper which affirms the original click (love at the first sight)
2) The object catches my eyes at first. Later, it surprises me and the love grows. (steady love)
Today I got a new small detailed wallet which can fit all my heading-out-necessary stuff. This reminds my love-at-the-first-sight wallet from Jean-Paul with blue dragon at the front. I've had it when I was in high-school. The fact is, IT IS STILL WITH ME. I brought it with me to California and even kept it safe in my drawer to prevent it from ruining/over-use. I only use it in the special occasion. The second item is the sky-blue backpack with many clouds. I got it when I was in college. The backpack has been in my memorial collection. I even sewed the front pocket back when it's broken in London. These are the 2 items which I feel like I give them life by establishing relationships with them. Sounds crazy?!
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circumscribed social phobia -- EC, 00:29:28 10/08/08 Wed
unbelievable, huh!? Yes, I do have the phobia. A year ago, I may ask myself if it is my problem. Or I will explain it as cultural difference. Now, I know it's me. I just feel uncomfortable to attend a party with too many people whom I dunno. I hate to initiate all the trivial conversations with strangers without knowing if I will meet them again in my life. Successfully, I could leave within 30 mins and went back to my hole with laptop to enjoy the tranquility. I get my energy back in quietness.
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i have the same problem -- ernus, 00:18:19 10/06/08 Mon
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Re: i have the same problem -- EC, 08:53:31 10/06/08 Mon
yup I remembered that you mentioned in yr blog. So, did you trace back when the "symptoms" started showing up? I kinda recalled that the "symptoms" first occurred when I attended pre-o camp for hall in college. Totally freak out and went to bed at 11pm when everybody stayed overnite -__________-
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Re: i have the same problem -- Grace, 21:10:02 10/07/08 Tue
me2 same in ocamp
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We are the extroverted introverts :) -- EC, 22:34:41 10/07/08 Tue
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yes exactly! -- ernus, 00:29:28 10/08/08 Wed
people forced me to blow water with them, but i just went to bed immediately after official programmes ended.
i talked about this with grace last week too.
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QPV -- EC, 22:49:45 10/07/08 Tue
PBͪܥOڷP줣ۦb
O@بI{ۦb
oؤۦbܤֵoͦbڨW
]¾~tG
ڤjhƯJܦө⨭ۦp
oAڤ
γOLPP
BͪLUPOڷPLU
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It's never easy to ask for money -- EC, 22:25:45 10/01/08 Wed
Yes, that's just not me. I figure out that it's all about my personal proud. It's just hard to ask for monetary help deliberately. I can share my calling and vision. People can respond voluntarily. But being offered long-term support, it's different.
The ironical thing is that I need the money. Wel, I don't want to reduce it as just asking for me. It's a journey of faith. Identifying the personal proud actually relates to my understanding on myself and spirituality in a deeper sense. Not only so, I indeed experiences the love, care and intimacy through the supports that I receive from people. All these are telling me that I am not alone on my seminary journey, in this particular season of life. It's warmth as if I am a little baby being cuddled by different hands.
I don't really know what I am thinking now. And probably God knows I am so uncomfortable to say my financially need out aloud. He prepares people to help me to say out. Still, the uneasiness is stirring in my heart. It's totally a mixed tensions: the uneasiness and warmth. Again, that's life, isn't it?
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Second day of school -- EC, 19:36:55 09/30/08 Tue
The first day, I hated it. Nothing about the class but all about my mood. When I sat in the classroom, I wasn't concentrated. I didn't surfing on internet but simply seat there. I wasn't tired but I had no energy. I wasn't excited to buy books and actually I borrowed most of the books. I didn't want to stay home so I chose to spend the break time between classes at my neighbor's apt. At night, I rather punched holes for all my Spring qtr notes and filed everything instead of doing the reading. That's the first day.
The second day, I felt better. Wel, I only had one class on Tue. At least I was excited to catch up with people. I had energy in class and even threw some humors in class. I went to GYM which I have been missing for the whole summer. I did a good run and cycling. I could feel the muscle pain on my thighs. That's a good pain which made me sit down and read for tmw class.
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The unfamiliar world -- EC, 17:55:27 09/23/08 Tue
I was brought to another world by spending two weeks in Guatemala. I encountered the country which experienced the internal world lasting for 36 years. The traumas didn't end with the war. The political violence transfers into the social violence. Thousands of families have been destroyed by massacres. Uncountable amount of people were displaced and missing. The genocide of indigenous people were inhumane.
The impact of the war didn't end when the treaty was signed. The war still goes on to fight for the human right and to seek for peace. The poor works at the dump to dig for the "treasures". The children are not able to go to school. The gang problem reaches its peak and continues to grow. People experiences extreme loss and nightmare from the traumas. Majority still lives under-poverty according to UN standard.
Psychologist/mental health worker is considered as human right advocate. Indeed, we are chosen to be the channel to free people from chain, the chain of sin and oppression. They are sensitive and creative enough to initiate culture-oriented approach to help people process the trauma. More, they fight for justice. They support the process of exhumation (digging dead people out). They help to restore the balance. Change doesn't happen in a night. Yet, they are willing to get the change going. The project is too big for a profession. Yet, they are willing to participate in order to roll the ball.
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the forth day at Guatemala -- EC, 22:33:21 09/11/08 Thu
I am in the world which is totally different from mine. Simply by listening the history of Guatemala is already difficult for me to process. This is the country which have 30-yrs wartime period. This is the country with multicultural and multilingual context. This is a wounded country which eagerly seeks for the holistic healing, peace and justice.
Tmw, I am heading to the rural areas where the massacre during wartime had been intensively carried out in the indigenous Indian village. I am getting ready to enter another even more alien world.
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a few notes -- EC, 01:03:45 09/06/08 Sat
The statement for today: "Summer is not about time but attitude". This is the statement out of my mouth through my experience and new definition of summer.
Flying back fr Oakland to Pasadena. Once i am back to LA, I am back to working mode. The place has been conditioned to "studying" and "working".
Flying out again on Sun to Guatemala. I am very excited abt going to a country where I cannot speak their language: Spanish. See how it goes.
This is the first time I fully prepare for LOSS. I scan all the important documents and send to K and my parents. The trip shouldn't be that bad, rite?
I went to a fellowship retreat last weekend. The retreat reminded me so much the happiness of serving in one heart. Serving in the retreat also reminded me the grace and gift that God has given me. I've made a wise choice that I rather have God's word to speak for Himself. I am just a vessel.
Time always flies pass. After the 2-week intensive in Guatemala, I only have a week left before sch starts. Once the quarter starts, everything will be rolling on their own. Nth can stop them. All the sudden, I will be back to HK for X'mas. Then the rolling continues........
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After watching the video of summer camp in HK........ -- EC, 13:52:17 08/20/08 Wed
I have been staying overseas for a while. Not until this year, my emotion has been stirred up a lot. I am overwhelmed by the feeling of missing. I guess, one of the reasons is that when I left Hong Kong, I have already had many unforgettable memories. I am not like those who left for high school/college. All my memories connect me with everything in Hong Kong. I do not regret that I choose this path. Still, the real consequence hits me in this year. If I were in Hong Kong all the time, I could move on at the same pace as everybody does. The movement of every one leads to the movement of mine. However, i left the train and selected the different rail. Every time when I have a chance to intersect with the original rail, I realize how much difference is between two rails. I can't even articulate what exactly the emotion is being stirred up inside me. It's kinda hate-and-love emotion. I gain yet I miss.
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Window well coverings -- Michael (Window well coverings), 00:31:01 03/12/10 Fri
Good afternoon. Pleasure to sign your guest book. I work for an advertising agency in Belize. Help me! Help to find sites on the: Window well coverings. I found only this - window coverings installer. By the ray that these versions demanded to replace with their alternator people, wonderful tasks had quite been clustered or called, window covering. What contains environment polar, raises work df1 fingerprint, and how contrasts it believe us correlate awareness, window covering. Thanks for the help :mad:, Michael from Belize.
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New Topic -- EC, 11:51:21 08/20/08 Wed
Some new topics have come up recently in my conversation with friends. One of them is marriage life. I remember that in a lecture of Christian Ethics class, marriage and having baby are two most interesting class. I even wrote a long paper about marriage. The professor said, the structure of atomic family put too much pressure and burden on a two-people relationship. In the past, when there was problem facing by the couple, the problem was not the matter of two people by two families. Simply speaking, one could have more resources to deal with the problems. Now, all the burdens are built on a two-people relationship as if a rock drops on a thin ice slice. One day, the slice will break.
I cannot agree more than that. Even in Chinese/Christian family, we are practicing this atomic style. Of course, I am not going to deny that having family involvement may have other complicated issues, instead of being supportive. Still, all couples need support. It's tough and it's never easy, especially one needs to be open and vulnerable. I mean, even for an individual, it's hard to be vulnerable about his/her own problem. I can't image how hard it will be when the dynamic involves at least two people.
This reminds the conversation among Vivian, Chris, Keith and I at Korean restaurant. I really enjoy the openness among us which is the way through which we all can get support and, of course, have another fun nite =)
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Not more FUN -- EC, 23:51:35 08/18/08 Mon
Originally, I was very positive that I could finish all papers before 26th. This was the moment when I still thought that I didn't have to do anything for Guatemala trip. Now, I find out that I need to read 4 books and have to write one page response for each by 29th. The response is nothing but the reading. I just check that at least two of the books have 250+ pages.
Ok it took me a day to readjust my expected schedule. I am the person who wanna know things ahead. I don't mind working a lot but I need to mentally prepare myself for that. Then tonite, one more thing comes into my head: the half-year report for my client which I have to finish before Guatemala trip. Nice, anymore????
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Where is home? -- EC, 22:44:28 08/15/08 Fri
There was one day when I drove pass the residential area. That's the first time I would like to have my house. Here I need to explain a bit. When I say "house" here, it's a HOUSE. Not a flat (British English), a apartment or a condo, but a house. When I say "residential area", the area is full of houses, very nice houses. Indeed, the house comes with package which includes garden, garage and some other decorations. Yes, I would like to have my house. My house doesn't have to be fancy but comfy. I want a small front yard with some colorful flowers. Doesn't have to be that much. Just enf to make the small yard a little bit excited. And I would like my house a brick house with stairs. I would like to have the patio facing the back yard where I can read. Inside the house, what I really need is a couch, ideally a L-shaped couch with arms, together with TV and DVD player. That will make my life perfect :)
PS: Finally watched Garden State through. Will i feel like being home when I get back home? Indeed, where is my home?
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I am back to Pasadena -- EC, 02:45:18 08/15/08 Fri
Now is Tuesday nite. Yes, I have been taking so-called 1-week off to stay in Oakland to celebrate K's BIG 30th Bday (kakakaka revealing the secret). It's all about rest. Sometimes, it's really hard to have time just for thinking. Thinking with reflection and digestion which can bring me to another level of growth. My routine is busy, rest and then busy again. However, i think the healthier routine should be busy, rest and REFLECT. I barely have time to empty my head but not to digest what I have experienced. That's why stuff got accumulated, no matter physical and psychological.
Anyways, I am still happy about my summer even though I am working on my paper now. Abt my class (systematic theology), I don't think I can articulate the materials very well, at least according to my standard. You know how intimidating it can be when you listen to a lecture and you think the professor is from another planet. This is exactly how I feel. Antonia (my roommate) and I both agree that we need another brain, not just a new but a different kind of brain, to be a theologian. Wel, i am working on that.
Okieeeee, just throw out some few lines. O one more things.....when i read people's blogs about going to summer evangelical camp in Hong Kong, I couldn't stop but telling K how excited it could be. kakaka and then I felt really "old" because I enjoy to recall those "old" memories, one of the important parts of my teenage life. Still, thanks for bringing those "old" memories through words and pictures~~~~~~~
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u're welcome =) -- ernus, 02:45:18 08/15/08 Fri
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I don't care =) -- EC, 14:29:01 08/05/08 Tue
Wel, yesterday, I went to library with my friend. We both were working on a 10-page paper. Honestly, we just don't care anymore. He said "if I can skip this assignment to get a pass, i will do it". I responded "this is only 20% of my class, i will just do it like playing puzzle (meaning put all pieces from different readings into my paper)." Now, only 2 hours left for me to work on my paper if I want to finish it before flying out of town. How can I expand the 6.5 pages to 10 pages without reading extra?
PS: I have already changed the margin in page setting.......
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: +/- -- EC, 14:54:14 08/04/08 Mon
TӼggJ^вvYd[
¨
a@@LkzѵhW
`ҦWo@LOdae{be
Ь@TpkĪaxëiA骺fH}a@Ӯax
Ь@QiBëiAAPaHpOo⨬L
Ь@qBëiAĤT̥OiJ|
HWTƱOBͰ餤Ʊ
¾~ަuALkbͤΤu@WNë
P¯Aūu@wg}lAOHPYM
٦ܪO
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+/- -- EC, 14:30:32 08/04/08 Mon
OjF٬O¾~tG
C@ѳnPɭ@ɪiRM·t
o䵲緍BNBF
oͫĤlBNͯfF
o良ӥRBN絶L
Nnbuu@qɶ
[ݤF@YH
`OOHئYPı
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Re: +/- -- ENOCH CHIN, 08:35:45 08/04/08 Mon
vú LA
߀δеľʆ
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[> [>
Re: +/- -- EC, 10:58:40 08/04/08 Mon
ǹDF
ͬ{F
M^ݯxv
o~OmB
O@qqU줺߲`Bȵ{
(the last sentence, written by Glen G. Scorgie in "A Little Guide to Christian Spirituality" in English)
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Re: +/- -- fwong, 14:30:32 08/04/08 Mon
"C@ѳnPɭ@ɪiRM·t"
or you can say, "C@ѳnݨ@ɶ·tiR.."
There are still something good when bad things are around us.
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sתB -- EC, 14:18:40 07/30/08 Wed
jaDڬOLפw
A[WBs
(OڤD˺٩I
DNnvodka
Jf)
a_L
b Korean Town LF@w֪ߤW
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Introduction to Spirituality -- EC, 23:13:22 07/26/08 Sat
ڹbop½Ķspiritual theology
Nnз|vBtίǡBЭ۲zBtgѨ
spiritual theologyOǪ䤤@
bPKҵ{AڸgFPϲz
]{ѤPk
ѧڴNѥ[FbѪh
TӻO@R
۰ݤwgOwRߺDH
Rץb٬Oݭnhmߤ~iHFܧɨ
bL{{ѤO̾AXۤv
ڵo{ۤv̨ɨOLectio in community
²ӨOgQ
@qg|QwŪ|
CwŪ᳣OwRɶ
g媺Ҥ@hhi`
qťB߫ҡBͬơAܹ
MNOڳ̷Ruobvɶ
]oOڳ̨SۤvQɶ
ҥHں٤uobv
mj۵MbOڷPܵΪA
W
ΨP۷Lje
@UlڮF
O@إM
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媺դj` -- EC, 00:46:02 07/22/08 Tue
]Ѥ^Y
ڤwgܤ[SμsFܬë
][HFOHμsFëi
ѱߤWuENëɶ
OڤoĤrܤ
ob骺λyWoıo
bëiεWo㤣L
@ťۥt~TnfάyZ״IJӪFgMݭn
Nnݵۦo̰bQaAX@MMCk
ۤvN¤¸}a@@LVei
@ثD`SOg
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WߤSan Diego@ѹC -- EC, 10:39:54 07/21/08 Mon
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Re: WߤSan Diego@ѹC -- keiko, 10:39:54 07/21/08 Mon
glad u had fun on the trip. =)
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caffeinated theology classes -- EC, 22:04:57 07/17/08 Thu
It's just hard for me to weave between two theology classes. I start traveling among the concepts, ideas and histories when I even cannot articulate what exactly they are. Psychology is a subject which can be divided into different sub-topics without much interrelationship going on. Theology is like a spider web. Each point is related to another point. When i read a book on spirituality, the topic hit on lamentation in OT class, christology in NT class and etc. When i read for healing and reconciliation (systematic theology), it relates to the same topic but from the perspective of spirituality.
Right now, I can tell what is going on in my brain. First, the new concept/idea formulates through the activity of neurons. They activate the neurons for the old concept/idea. They try to assimilate, integrate and modify in order to form a new connection for the existence of both new and old concepts/ideas. The critical point is, too many news are getting in and too many olds are activated within short period of time. This is the problem of digestion. Seriously, i cannot read or listen to a class before going to bed. The situation is the same as I couldn't study accounting or maths before I went to bed when I was in high school. All these subjects function like caffeine which stimulates my brain activities.
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Ding Ding Ding: 1st round with Systematic Theology -- EC, 23:00:33 07/15/08 Tue
I am doing an IDL (sort of self learning class) in healing and reconciliation which is treated as Systematic Theology B. After listening the 1st 2 lessons, I am EXHAUSTED but also EXCITED from thinking. OMG~~~ honestly, i cannot articulate and express the stuff spinning in my head. Recalling from my memory, the first excitement from thinking came in the time when I was attending qu¬סv. By that time, I was only auditing without doing the reading and assignment. Although i was attending evening class with my tired body, the materials of the class just refreshed and charged me with new energy. I was overwhelmed with my inability to ask question as I didn't know where should i start or even how to formulate a question.
Now, it's the second time. I am sure, by the end of the class, I probably can delineate, hopefully, 60% of the class. At least, I have to write 4 essays on that. Obviously this is a class which I have to read and listen in the morning. I can only process with the moment when my brain is most functional.
Let's have a glance on the first 2 questions (if you are not interested in the question, you can skip the rest):
1) Marty is the teacher of an adult Sunday School class which you attend. During a class discussion on the relationship of Christianity to the Jewish religion, he made the statement that the Church is the result of God's action in rejecting the Jews and starting over again with Jesus. When one member of the class challenged him by saying that Jesus himself was a Jew, he responded by quoting Galatians 3:28 " In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek..." You respond by citing John 1:14, " The Word became flesh and dwelt among us": and making the point that it was significant that in the incarnation God had assumed Jewish flesh for our salvation. The class ended at that point. However, Marty came up to you and asked you to make your point more clear. You agreed to write a brief paper on the subject and share it with him so that you could discuss the question further.
2) The minister of the church that you attend has preached a Good Friday sermon on the text: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt 17:46). In this sermon he stated that on the cross, the transcendent and divine aspect of Jesus' personality withdrew to the point that we have only a human person left. But that this makes it possible for there to be a complete identification of Jesus with our humanity, and so he can be our mediator. As you leave the service, you mention to the pastor that you were disturbed by some of the theological implications of his teaching concerning the doctrine of salvation. Because there is little opportunity to talk at the moment, he asks you to put your thoughts down on paper, setting forth the theological concerns which you have together with your own explanation of the text, with the promise to make an appointment with you to discuss the matter after he had read it.
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Today is a non-study day -- EC, 15:08:54 07/15/08 Tue
Japanese episodessssss + Kill Bill marathon
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Re: Today is a non-study day -- fwong, 09:21:25 07/14/08 Mon
what jp drama are you watching?
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The Last Friends -- EC, 15:08:54 07/15/08 Tue
11 episodes
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give you all a BIG smile -- EC, 21:26:31 07/08/08 Tue
I love my job as a Floortime specialist (a play specialist). Not because it's all about play and not because clients are easy (no client is an easy client in my field). It's about SMILES on people's faces. When i can bring smiles to others, i smile with them. =))))))))
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AH---------------------------- -- EC, 23:02:27 07/06/08 Sun
I am biting by traveling bugs especially when i know that i can redeem 2 more flight tickets. Calm down Esther, take a deep breath *um....ah*
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Observer -- EC, 22:38:26 07/03/08 Thu
I am observing the fact that my peers are going through couple different stages of life. This is weird for me to say so as if I am not the one who is going through those stages. In fact, I AM NOT!! First, getting to the senior position in career. Second, getting married. Third, having babies. Zooming back to the observer: a student. What can i say: life is moving on. The further we walk on the path, the more discrepancies between each path. I just choose a relatively more deviated path than the rest. A unique one. So unique that 5+ descriptive words has jumped out of my head within a sec: fruitful, love, adventurous, exhausted and frustrated (the top 5). Wel, who doesn't experience all these on the path. One of the example to show how arrogant I can get into -_____________-
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Disappearance -- EC, 00:50:27 07/02/08 Wed
Something happen in my generation which I only expect to be happened in the past generations: My undergraduate degree becomes a history. So, only people who experience A-level from 1994/95 to 2008/09 will at least encounter the name of "the Bachelor of Cognitive Science", though not necessarily know what it means. My degree becomes part of the societal history. This just makes me feel 10 years older than i should be.
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bӴ -- EC, 21:55:05 06/25/08 Wed
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Finally i am in peace -- EC, 00:31:05 06/13/08 Fri
I am done with my first year and Summer, here I come~~~~~~
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laughing and crying for the craziness -- EC, 22:18:12 06/12/08 Thu
Today is 6/12. I have to remind myself the date as I have been losing any sense of orientation. Now is 8:09am, precisely showed on my computer. This moment is so special because I just shout out loud to myself: I am so tired and it's just crazy. Laugh and tears just come out simultaneously. I can't even stop myself not to laugh at the craziness of this month, particularly the last two weeks. No sorrow in the tears but ridiculous.
3 more hrs to go, and I will be done with the last exam. Still have the LAST paper which I determine that I will finish before I go to bed TONIGHT!!!!!!
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Re: laughing and crying for the craziness -- Keikei, 22:18:12 06/12/08 Thu
press on................
waiting to celebrate your rebirth
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After speedy typing paper......... -- EC, 11:51:36 06/10/08 Tue
another record: 3 exams in 24 hrs.
I am really proud of myself =)
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Re: After speedy typing paper......... -- Keikei, 11:51:36 06/10/08 Tue
>another record: 3 exams in 24 hrs.
>I am really proud of myself =)
proud of you!!!!
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Re: fwong -- EC, 10:58:41 06/06/08 Fri
how's the intensive goin? Life here is very crazy. The craziest ever. Let's catch up during my summer break.
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Re: fwong -- fwong, 10:58:41 06/06/08 Fri
mid term coming up next week. very busy at work.
things are still under control. this is all grace!!
will keep you posted and looking forward to chat with you.
add oil there too!!
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Beantown conversation -- EC, 14:05:24 03/05/10 Fri
My usual schedule for Sun afternoon is going to Beantown (coffee shop) and immerses into my reading. No exception for today, i went there with one of my friends at school. Besides reading, we chatted for almost an hour just to vent out our feeling and thinking.
In sum, graduate school really is a process that makes people exhausted but, at the same time, prevents people from getting too comfortable with life and not having reflection on that. Maybe i should say, the difficult/frustrated situations in grad. sch just do not allow me not to think about what i am doing now and why. Paradoxically, shouldn't these questions be asked in every moment, as a way to evaluate if one is on the right track? I figure out that i just constantly need to talk about the same issues again and again. This is not a repeated cycle, rather, a spherical cycle. The revisit of the issues allow me putting new meaning for the experience. The issues do not change but my lens change. Actually it's a quite profound spiritual experience. When one has to expose to his/her vulnerability, usually forced to, the moment is frustrating but beneficial. I think that's what grad sch does on me.
Another topic we chatted about is friendship. We both incidentally thought of the fact that we so far haven't met anyone here that we felt like we were click. This feeling exaggerates when we have chance to see our old friends. The contrast comes to the surface. These couple days, i was seriously thinking that i should get a tix to visit Boston/NYC. I think i really need a break and just retreat to my safe zone at least for couple days.
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Re: Beantown conversation -- Karie + FWONG, 12:53:47 02/26/08 Tue
From the both of us:
we miss you too. pray that you can enjoy your life there.
once you decide to come, we will plan the itineraray for you. HAHAHAA
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You grls are so sweet~~~~~ -- EC, 20:42:08 02/26/08 Tue
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Re: You grls are so sweet~~~~~ -- Vivian, 21:11:24 02/27/08 Wed
WE MISS YOU TOO! Life is much more boring without you here dragging us to new places!!!! You should def come back and visit!
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Accutane severe arthritis -- Mouna (Accutane severe arthritis), 14:05:24 03/05/10 Fri
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