Bloody Hell! -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 04:13:52 08/19/01 Sun
Author: Stardoe
Subject:

Bloody Hell!
In reply to: Kande's Sis replies, taunting Kande with the belt 's message, "Picky, picky." on 16:46:18 08/17/01 Fri

breaths Stardoe as she trots into town on Alexandria.
"What on earth is going on here? I leave for a while....no, in fact , every time I leave.... the place just falls apart. "

Stardoe stares with incredulity at the state of the main street and town square. The residents of Shipperville have completely lost the plot. The Kande sisters are covered in dust and grime , spit and slime. Red nail polish seems to be spilt all over the nice flag stones of the square. Someone has wrapped toilet paper round and round the mayoral office building. The library seems to be on fire or blown up, or something. The Mayor is sitting atop the ghastliest procession float ever invented and it is covered in pictures of the ugliest teenagers, Stardoe has ever seen.
"Poor parents" says Stardoe under her breath.

"OH there you are " screeches Kenamom from up on her perch. "Finally decided to make an appearance after all did you? " Kenamom jumps down. The cat thuds to the ground and curles up under the front wheel of the float. She hands Stardoe a copy of the new Shipperville rules.
You better read this" she snickers. "Keep them all on their toes don't you think " Kenamom grins maliciously.

Stardoe reads and goes to open her mouth and suddenly shuts it again. She thinks she needs a drink and heads for the klub. Bubba is ceremoniously hammering down the last of the kitshig objet d'arts as Stardoe entres. He hops over the bar and hurls himself at Stardoe in a fond embrace. "Well at least someone missed me" Stardoe thinks as she pulls herself up from the floor. "What is going on here, Bubba me ol' mate?" Suddenly Bubba bursts into tears. Stardoe is stunned once again. "It's horrible! Horrible" he stutters "They've all turned into the biggest bitches and noone is nice to eachother any more. They all want to be queen bitch. I don't know when or if it will ever end. " Bubba collapses into morbid catatonia.

"Bitches?????" Stardoe is completely baffled. "Why would anyone want to be a bitch? Let alone a queen bitch? Well...."thinks Stardoe. "....if it's bitch they want, then it's bitch they are gunna get."
She turns on her heel and heads back out onto the street. Just as she hits the curb, the waif like CW scrabbles past on her belly. With lightnening reflexes Stardoe reaches down and grabs her feet, twirls her above her head and cracks her neck like a whip. "Bloody snakes!" Stardoe mutters as she tosses CW into a dumpster. Stardoe walks over to the disgusting float covered in ugly teenage pictures. She whips out her trusty permanent black marker and proceeds to draw moustaches, beards and missing teeth on the pimply faces of the girls. She adds some earings and cleavage to the bespectacled prom date before releasing the hand brake on the mayoral float. The car inches gradually forward.
"AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screams the Mayor. She does a double back flip and rolls over like Clint Eastwood under the front of the moving vehicle. She emerges on the other side cluching her beloved pussy by the scruff of its neck.
"YOU BITCH!" she screams at Stardoe.

"There's no place like home" smiles Stardoe as she wanders off to her lab, secretly scraping a layer of vegemite along the top of all the sandwiches lined up on the Mayoral al fresco banquet table.

As she skips away a quivering, bedraggled, anorexic hand reaches up and snatchs a vegemited sanga before it quickly disappears underneath where CW...a piece of cardboard wrapped around her whiplashed neck, gorges herself stupid; her hunger strike obviously over now that the library has blown up and all records of her over due fines have been erased.

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Replies:

WELCOME HOME STARDOE!!!!! -- kenamom, 09:11:01 08/19/01 Sun
- "Hey! Who ate all the sandwiches?" asks kande. -- kande, 04:34:42 08/20/01 Mon
  - KS takes out her handy-dandy swiss army knife -- Kande's Sis, 19:21:03 08/20/01 Mon
    - kande turns a lovely shade of curilian blue -- kenamom, in from the forest, wet and cold., 22:04:08 08/21/01 Tue
      - Then Kande backs up and runs over IG -- Kande's Sis, 18:37:39 08/23/01 Thu
        KM pulls up short -- Stardoe, 05:19:23 08/24/01 Fri
        "damn aussies.....can't trust hem....especially the ones with badges....." -- kenamom mutters as she leaves the library, 08:52:49 08/25/01 Sat
        Right before Stardoe announces the end of the contest -- Kande's Sis, 09:16:21 08/25/01 Sat
        Stardoe grabs up her handheld PC and starts scribbling with her little plastic pencil thingy. -- Stardoe, 04:09:43 08/27/01 Mon
        Whew, glad I didn't win. -- Kande's Sis, laughing at Kande running down the street, 08:32:58 08/27/01 Mon
        Stardoe stops strumming her guitar to listen more closely to JD and KS's conversation. -- Stardoe, 04:01:04 08/28/01 Tue
        Kande is still pleading her case to Stardoe. -- kande, 04:08:35 08/28/01 Tue
        And then she'd add 'Sis' to the waistband -- Kande's Sis is explaining to JD over hot chocolate, 06:55:48 08/28/01 Tue
        Shaking her head in amazement at Stardoe who can be at two places at once.... -- kenamom, taking a potted plant to the invalid Rabid, 09:05:43 08/28/01 Tue