| Subject: Re: The script continues |
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Date Posted: 16:14:14 07/10/02 Wed
In reply to:
's message, "Re: The script continues" on 00:36:12 07/10/02 Wed
>EMPLOYEE 2
>Fucking martians.
>
>INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
>
>A "little person" (a dwarf) sits on a large director's
>chair dressed in elf-garb. In front of him is what
>appears to be a wizard. They both have coffee.
>
>ELF
>So you're the wizard then?
>
>WIZARD
>Yep.
>
>They sip their coffe.
>
>ELF
>How's that workin' out for you?
>
>WIZARD
>Well, work's been slow.
>
>ELF
>Tell me about it. No one believes in Santa anymore...
>for each person who doesn't one elf gets fired.
>
>The elf frowns in a cute-like sad puppy dog face. A
>TV audience from nowhere goes "awwwwwwwwwww"
>
>WIZARD
>BULLSHIT! FEEL MY POWER!
>
>The wizard pushes the Elf's chair with magic.
>
>The Elf's chair falls over at that point and there is
>an America's Home Video-esque "boing!" noise as well
>as studio laughter.
>
>We pull away from this scene to reveal it has taken
>place on a portable TV:
>
>INT. CAR - DAY
>
>Greg holds the portable TV and he is LAUGHING SO HARD.
>
>The big guy who semi-abducted him puts an arm around
>Greg. We can now see that the big guy is in fact none
>other than
>
>
>CHRIS TAYLOR
>You like my tee vee?
>
>GREG
>Yeah. FUNNY FUCKING SHIT!
>
>Chris Taylor removes his arm from Greg and it comes
>away covered in vomit.
>
>CHRIS
>I like your thtyle. There'th thomething about you
>that I find fathinating.
>
>Greg looks up at this and seems annoyed.
>
>GREG
>Shut the fuck up.
>
>CHRIS
>Thorry. Yeth thir, I thut up now.
>
>GREG
>What the hell is wrong with you?
>
>CHRIS
>I lithp.
>
>GREG
>I'm bored.
>
>CHRIS
>Maybe I thould pull over.
>
>GREG
>Why?
>
>CHRIS
>I have to take a thit.
>
>GREG
>Oh shit! Yeah! Me too!
>
>Greg suddenly seems very happy.
Chris and greg are on the side of a reasonably busy suburban street squatting in anticipation of the the things to come out of their buttholes!
Chris
OH THIT!
Greg
what?
Chris
I forgot. I'm Thuppothed to be at work today. Oh thit!
Greg
Fuck you.
Int. Mail room of an office building.
Chris and Greg walk in. They are greeted by Hank, a tall slender man in his late fifties.
Hank
Hey Chris. Nice of you to join us today.
Chris
Hey Hank. I'm thorry I'm tho late, I thopped to pick up my friend and we got thidetracked.
Hank
Don't worry about it. You know, there's not much to do today if you want to take the day off and hang out with your friend.
Chris
But I thought we were going to have my Birthday party today.
Hank gets an uneasy look on his face. Joel, a man in his late 20's looks out from behind the door to the breakroom. He has what appears to be cake on his face. He looks guilty.
Chris
Aren't we having my birthday party today?
Joel pulls his head back into the break room.
Hank
Well, the thing about that is that...well,we...
We see a shot of Joel in the break room. he's eating waht appears to be the last piece of cake as fast as he can.
Chris
You ate my cake again
Chris slouches as if the air has been sucked out of his large body.
Joel come out wiping his mouth. he's carrying a bowl of potato chips.
Hank
We just got so hungry...
Joel
You want some chips, Chris?
Chris
No thank you.
Joel
We're sorry about the cake chris, we just got real hungry, and...
Chris
Didn't you guys bring a lunch?
Hank
Yeah, but we really wanted some cake.
Chris (looks at his watch)
I'm only a half hour late.
Joel
So sorry. you want some chips.
Chris
No thank you. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
Chris leaves the room. Hank and joel start laughing quietly.
Joel (to Greg)
Hey man, how do you know him?
Greg
He just fuckin' picked me up.
Joel and Hank laugh a little harder, but they muffle their chuckles.
Hank
What's your name?
Greg
Greg
Hank
Hey greg, you want a piece of cake?
Greg
Fuck yeah
Joel moves the chips aside revealing a piece of cake in the bowl.
Joel
He doesn't know how close he came to getting his cake.
Hank and Joel are laughing SO HARD NOW, but quietly. Greg starts laughing and eats the cake like its made of gold - that means FAST!
We see Chris in the bathroom. The toilet seat is down ad he's sitting on it. He is also crying softly.
Chris
Every time
He cries for a few seconds more
Chris
OH THIT!
a close-up shot shows us that he is pissing his pants. He stands up quickly and turns around while trying to get his pants down. He raises the toilet seat, but he is having trouble with his zipper. His pants are now soaked with piss. He is repeating "Oh THIT." After a few seconds of struggling with his belt he just gives up.
Chris
I was right nektht to the toilet, too...Right on it.
Back inthe mail room
Greg
Why won't you let him have his cake?
Hank
he has to learn
Greg
Learn what, fuckface?
Hank
Hey, watch your language
Joel
He has to learn that you can't always get a cake on your birthday.
Hank
Listen, Chris has had a rough life. He knows how to deal with this sort of stuff.
In the bathroom we see chris perched on the sink, rubbing and and shredding toilet paper all ofver his crotch in a futile attempt to dry his piss. For a minute we see what chris is thinking:
Int Warehouse, elf and wizard are fighting furiously as america's funniest home video-esque sounds are heard continuously. Chris gets a crazed look on his face.
Mail room. Chris walks out. Everyoe can see the mess he's made of his pants.
Hank
Hey, Chris, what happened?
Joel
Ouch
Chris
I PITHED MY PANTH!
Hank
Ok, maybe you should just take the day off like I said, you know. Go home, take a shower, maybe....
Chris
BULLTHIT! FEEL MY POWER!
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