What's happening at Kande's initial destination -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 20:25:29 07/17/01 Tue
Author: Kande's Sis, filling in some background
Subject: What's happening at Kande's initial destination
In reply to: Rabid, just reading it off the webpage 's message, "MY JOURNEY ACROSS IOWA(a bike ride through the heart of America) by Kande Rae-DAY ONE" on 13:20:18 07/17/01 Tue

Our 65-year-old Dad meets 70-something southern Uncle Gordon at the door. After the initial greetings, back-slapping and hail-thee-well's, the two men start planning the bike ride minutae.

"Handcuffs?"

"Check."

"Duct tape?"

"Check."

Uncle Gordon takes off his half-glasses and peers at Dad. "So Kande's arriving from Shipperville tomorrow, eh?"

Dad heaves a gusty sigh and puts his head in his hands. "Yeah."

Uncle Gordon contemplates this for a minute. "Too bad it's not KS. She's the perfect daughter."

Dad perks up at the mention of his favorite. "It's true, everyone in Shipperville said so."

"Really? Who?" Uncle Gordon smiles fondly at the thought of his favorite neice.

"I don't know exactly, but KS said she's the town celebrity and you know she never lies," Dad reported.

"She's just plain perfect," Uncle Gordon agrees. He tactfully hesitates for a moment before asking, "What do you suppose happened to Kande? Was she dropped on her head at birth? Did Diane ingest something she shouldn't have when she was pregnant?"

Dad props his head on one hand while his face contorts in anguish. "I don't know. We've asked ourselves a thousand times: 'Why us? What did we ever do to deserve Kande? Did we do something terrible in a past life?'" He shakes his fist at the heavens and heaves a terrible cry: "Why? Why? Why?"

Uncle Gordon pats Dad's shoulder and gets him a whiskey straight up. "Some things are just unanswerable. Our job this week is damage control. We don't know the extent of fear and loathing Kande is capable of whipping up."

Dad shudders. "Priest?"

"Check."

"Stun gun?"

"Check."

-KS, who is just reporting on the behind-the-scenes family news that Kande would never report on her website

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Replies:

MY IOWA JOURNEY - DAY TWO by Kande Rae -- Rabid, reading the webpage again, 09:14:44 07/18/01 Wed
- After Dinner...... -- kenamom, reading the web-page, 17:44:22 07/18/01 Wed
  - What the rest of the family is REALLY thinking: A look behind the scenes -- Kande's Sis, 19:03:31 07/18/01 Wed
  - MY BIKE TRIP ACROSS IOWA - DAY THREE by Kande Rae -- Rabid, you know what I'm doing..., 09:23:06 07/19/01 Thu
    - Yet more family background... -- Kande's Sis, 18:41:29 07/19/01 Thu
      - The view from the back of kande's bike. -- Hank, 19:20:22 07/19/01 Thu
        Back in Shipperville... -- Kande's Sis, 22:25:04 07/19/01 Thu
        Iowa PETA news flash: Opossum killer on the loose! -- Kande's Sis, 17:41:53 07/20/01 Fri
        MY JOURNEY ON A BIKE IN AMERICA - DAY 4 & 5 by Kande Rae -- Rabid, eager to catch up on the day I missed, 17:47:27 07/21/01 Sat
        Getting to Sioux City to start RAGBRAI Tomorrow -- Kande's Sis, reporting for the family, 18:11:43 07/21/01 Sat
        More reports from Dad -- Kande's Sis, 20:46:38 07/22/01 Sun
        Found the mountains yet? -- CW, 20:32:47 07/24/01 Tue
        Kande is picked up by the Minnesota state bird: A mosquito! -- Kande's Sis, 06:42:33 07/25/01 Wed
        Dear Shippervillians, -- kenamom, who recieved the following postcard, postage due, 18:30:55 07/25/01 Wed
        Strange, I received THIS postcard, hand-delivered by Bubba -- Kande's Sis, 21:11:09 07/25/01 Wed
        Even Stranger....Bubba delivered this one to me -- kenamom, 11:03:49 07/26/01 Thu
        Do postcards count as legal documents? -- Kande's Sis, 07:27:42 07/27/01 Fri
        Kande's next-to-last-day on the bike ride -- Kande's Sis, 20:22:40 07/27/01 Fri
        MY QUEST FOR THE HEARTLAND OF BIKER AMERICA...IN IOWA -Day 57 another post from the road by Kande Rae -- Rabid, trying to catch up again, 18:12:09 07/28/01 Sat
        Possum sighting: Dead with beads and "Team Roadkill" sticker on it. -- A Mysterious Sunburnt Stranger with Very Muscular Quads, 17:53:42 07/29/01 Sun
        Did it have big long legs? -- CW--love a good joke!, 18:40:29 07/29/01 Sun