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Subject: Happy...
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Author:
Tim
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Date Posted: 04:28:33 01/06/04 Tue
Yes,yes...now we got everything for everybody...
Oh, I'm sorry wrong forum...
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Subject: Great site, thank you for sharing it
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Author:
Lex
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Date Posted: 15:56:58 10/31/03 Fri
Great site, thank you for sharing it
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 08:53:35 12/14/02 Sat
14th day of Dekab'askan
Entry 24
The wind finally picked up early this morning and has carried us farther than the last two days together. The captain believes that if this good weather holds up, we could be back on land in less than a week's time.. but as I've learned from Dominic, good weather never lasts as long as bad. I hope though, that in two weeks time I'll be off this gods be damned ship and on dry land. At least then I may be on the same continent as Cricket. The land, though, may prove harder that the sea. We won't be anywhere near RhyDin, and I'd completely forgotten the lateness of the year. Could I really have missed an entire summer? Hell, it had barely been spring when I left.. the snow just melting, and now I'll be greeted by it's falling. Someone, somewhere is laughing at me.. and I think his name is Akhil. As soon as we dock I'll have to get supplies. I just pray to the gods I have enough coin.. I don't want to waste anymore time than I already have. I should be able to procure clothes, food, and other necessities.. but there is no way I'll be able to get a horse. Not by any means that won't get me hunted, at least. Ah well.. it is nothing I haven't done before. What an influence Cricket makes. Before her, I would have worked for months hunting and tracking in order to get something. Now, taking what I want seems the obvious and most preferable choice. Gods I love her. I wonder how far we'll be from the Baron's land? The bastard owes me a beast, and his warhorses would be far better suited to the harsh weather. Too bad I haven't seen him for years and knew him only little. I doubt he'll be on the way back home at any rate.. and I wish not to make anymore unnecesary trips. The first capable horse I come across is mine, damnit. Be it a farmer's, a guard's, or a king's. And if an entire army is sent after me to retrieve it, so be it. Once I'm on my way home to Cricket, they'll never be able to catch up with me anyhow. But what am I planning all this for? Get off the damned ship first, Faizah.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 14:56:10 12/11/02 Wed
11th day of Dekab'askan
Entry 23
The Isle of Gems is behind me now, and I never intend to go back. The last day there I'd been convinced I'd seen Arlow in the brush and I wanted to give chase, but decided against it. Still, seeing what al least looked like Arlow made me think of past times at the Roost. I remember the first time I ever walked into that Inn off the main road, I remember explaining to Cricket about what the markings on Ahkil's dagger meant, everything. These memories don't at all upset me as they used to. Now I am grateful to have them, for not everyone is gifted with such good times throughout the struggle that is survivng and living. I can only hope she feels the same and thinks kindly of me, for I know it looks as though I deserted her. But if I have to break both our legs to keep us together in one place, I will do so and gladly endure her bitching while we heal. A nice, slow heal with Indigo to make coffee and feast every morning, noon, and night. The truth is though, if either of us felt the pull to get away for a time, nothing short of being tethered to our deathbeds by a strong chain would keep our wanderlust from taking over. Is is just the way we are. I have to hunt and I am not always comfortable in the indoors, and Cricket.. Cricket needs to be always on the move and one step ahead of any possible pursuers. This time maybe the fates will be kinder to us and lead us in the same directions. For now though, the only direction I'm heading in is due north at about the speed of a gorged tigress. There has been little wind since we left the island and I doubt much will hit us for the next few days. I'm still amazed I talked them into steering off course for the stop, but the captain knows just who will hear of his piracy if I don't get my way. They could kill me easily enough and avoid having to deal with the possibility of my knowledge getting out, but they know a number of people who will be displeased if I come up missing. My time in capture wasn't completely unproductive. They are calling me to the deck now, damned sailors.. but I swore to put my new seafaring skills to good use for them so I wouldn't have to spare any more coin. I have little now as it is after giving much away to the young ones of my tribe. The elders weren't happy about introducing these objects to them, but the children were more interested in the shine of the coins than anything else so it shouldn't put too many ideas into their heads about foreign lands and white faces. Not that I think it shouldn't.. RhyDin needs more like us. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 06:25:27 12/09/02 Mon
8th day of Dekab'askan
Entry 22
Here I am, back on this cursed Isle of the Gems. Why? This damned journal. Ahkil help me, I should not have bothered, but there have been too many times in these past many months that I have reached for it and it was not there. I knew I couldn't go any farther without it.. there are too many things that need to be written down so that my mind can again be at ease. I went home and they welcomed me more than I would have expected. Anazeh looks much the same, while Ahkil's young kin have grown into strong warriors. So much time has passed. I can remember hiding in the trees with the snakes to get away from teaching them. They were so small then. But now I can see the fierceness in their eyes that Ahkil claimed to have seen in mine. Soon they will be leaders of the tribe, not just hunters. After I rested, I told them stories or my journies and of Cricket. They didn't realize until after I described her to them that she wasn't a woman of the tribes. It seemed strange to them that the white-skinned could be so strong. Someday I will bring here there to meet them as I said I would. Now, at least, I know it will be safe for her. Gods I miss her. Everyone. Even Ciro, though that's a sentiment that comes and goes. I still find myself blaming him for getting me into this damned mess, but it's no one's fault but my own. I wanted a job. I wanted to prove myself. Much good it did me. I've lost everyone, and I'm not sure how to get them back. But I will. Now that I'm stong enough, I am going straight to RhyDin. And from there.. yet another hunt for Cricket. I've grown far too used to these.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 16:23:31 04/11/02 Thu
11th day of Askai
Entry Twenty and One
I hate this damned ship. I hate the smell on this ship, I hate the cramped quarters of this ship, I hate the food on this ship, and I hate men on this ship. It takes the patience of Ahkil not to push them all overboard and find my own damned way out this never-ending ocean. If I never step foot on another it will be all too soon. There has been no real red meat for many days. The smell of fish sickens me.. and it is practically stuffed down my damned throat. All I want to do is hunt.. sit in some grass, climb into a tree.. exercise. I need it. I should have atleast tied Cricket up and dragged her here with me. I shouldn't be the only one going through this hell. And all for a horse. A horse! The days are so boring here.. I find myself often in thought when I'm not on a shift, or when I'm in the crow's nest.. I think back to the last time I was on a ship. My first time leaving my own land for the foreign RhyDin. How my life changed then, and changed again when I met Cricket. I still wonder how I might have turned out had I stayed in my homelands. There is no doubt that I would be leader. Not in name, no.. only the men of the tribe could vy for such a title. But no one would question Majidah, leader or not. I want to get back to Cricket soon, but so far as the sea is concerned, that may or may not be happening for awhile. I get more afraid that something has happened to her as the days go by.. but perhaps that is only because I miss her so much. Then again, she never stays out of trouble very long. Other things pull at me. What if I miss Trevor's first unaided steps? It is getting warmer now.. when I get back, he can begin learning to swim in a calm river. But what if Cricket has already started such lessons, and I've missed them? I am also afraid that on my return, she won't be at the cabin. Where would I look for her? If this were a wagoncart instead of a ship, I'd have jumped out and started pushing by now..so impatient I am. But with a ship, you can only wait and hope the winds will be kind. Sometimes the they give so little I could probably swim and get to the island faster. And I'm tempted to do it sometime, too. For now though, I am called back to work. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 12:40:40 03/12/02 Tue
12th day of Fuontei
Entry Twenty
We've left the Roost, along with Safiya, and Trevor of course, is with us. It is unknown when the Traveler will return for him, or what other powers might wish to take him away. I feel bad for leaving Indigo again, especially after things had begun to look peaceful and she was happy, but it was necessary. Besides, Cricket actually asked me to go as opposed to running out on us in the night. How could I say no to that? Safiya is free now to do as she chooses, but she decided to come with us. Cricket is nervous about that, afraid the girl might try something.. but I doubt it. She is drawn to us, loyal to us.. as much as she can allow herself to be. Like the slaves of war that joined our tribe, it only takes time for her spirit to change. Then I will teach her to defend herself, if she wishes. I must miss my work, volunteering that sort of thing.. but it is something to pass the time. That, and setting a bad example for Trevor. With Cricket and I to guide him, the gods only know what kind of temper he'll have.. but on the same note, I hope that we can teach him when and when not to use it for his good.. just as Ahkil has taught me, to some extend. Not that I was always listening. Gods, the durriyya is growing so fast. Soon he'll be crawling and walking on his own, I should think. Then I wonder what kind of trouble we'll have on our hands. Safiya is working on my book again, I suspect she's having trouble with it.. I don't believe she understands it. If she could, why the hell would she be reading it? The girl doesn't look like the kind interested in the art of war, but then again.. I could be wrong. I might have to test her on it, as Ahkil used to do for me. I doubt she'll respond kindly to it.. but her arguing over it would mean all the right answers to me. She's already proven her adeptness towards bsaala. That girl can nag when she has a mind to. Already she demands this and that from the market. And I might as well appease her.. she makes meals that seem to remind me of my past. Strange that a taste can bring back pictures not quite vivid, but there.. beyond the surface. I think I'll find Cricket now, drag her along with me on Safiya's errands. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 21:34:46 02/22/02 Fri
22nd day of Ysai'kiem
Enrty Nineteen
It has, again, been a great while since I've last written. I'm not even sure where to start, but here it goes. Although I doubt I'll ever forget the day, it is something to be written down and kept forever. Cricket has returned. I was in such shock that day, it is hard to remember much.. I only recall the overwhelming relief I felt. She came not as one, but well with child. A boy she named Trevor, when he was born. I have never been tolerant with children, even when I was one.. but I find it easy now to be caught up in the look on his face, and the way he wraps his tiny hand around my finger. Makiha would never believe such a thing.. but I can see Anazeh saying she knew I'd grow soft all along. She liked to think she was a good judge of that sort of thing. I have brought Cricket a slavegirl named Safiya to help around the Roost and with the baby. Mostly though, I wanted to give Indigo companionship in a woman she could perhaps relate to. Maybe I want a replica of Cricket and myself.. the less dangerous version, I suppose. I don't know.. I'm forever second-guessing what I do now. I can't explain the feeling I get when walking into the Roost these days.. just knowing that I'm to be greeted by Cricket is an incredible feeling that I shall never take for granted again. I still wonder sometimes if this is only a temporary stay for her.. if tomorrow I'll wake up to a note telling of another disappearance. I hope not.. I don't think I could go through that again. I hope she knows that. I like to think it will never happen again.. but there are thoughts that still torment her sometimes. I can tell. The Traveller might someday return to take Trevor away from us.. sometimes at night I'm awakened by the thought, and it doesn't go away until I take a look into the attic to make sure she and the baby are still there. If we're lucky.. it may not come to pass, so here I'll add another prediction for my old age. I doubt seriously I'll ever have a child of my own. Seeing Trevor grow will be enough for me. Someday, I think, I will give him this journal if he is ever curious about my past, and about what my life has been like with Cricket in all the years past. I won't presume to say that I'll ever be as wise as Ahkil was when he was killed, but I hope whomever reads this in the future will be able to learn something from this journal. Otherwise, I suppose, my writing would be in vain. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 13:15:36 12/14/01 Fri
14th day of Dekab'askan
Entry Eighteen
It has been a long while. Much has changed, once again. There has been some news of Cricket.. no locations yet.. but Garrett has supposedly found her, or word of her. I've been spending more of my time at the Roost, but it still pains me to be there too often. Perhaps I've grown all too used to the quiet, I don't know. I do know I want to help Indigo, she has had a hard time by herself. I know the right thing to do would have been to stay with her all along, but perhaps now can redeem myself. I think she has found herself a mate, for the time being atleast. If he hurts her I'll truly kill him.. she can't take care of herself like Cricket. She doesn't know the world. Safae, as Ahkil would say. Innocent. Not that she hasn't seen things, gods know what all shes seen and heard with Cricket and I around. I think though, that she hasn't experienced much. Hell, I don't know.. I don't know much of anything. I don't know where Cricket is, I don't even know where my head is. It is strange to be back though, many of my things still lay hidden in Cidaea.. I can't bring myself to go and get them just yet. I think now that I'll take a walk.. Gods, I remember running through these woods, chasing Mantis. I almost wonder about him along with everyone else.. but unless dogs are licking his bones clean, its not a question I want answered. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 10:54:22 11/18/01 Sun
18th day of Nuer'askan
Entry Seventeen
He came again the other night.. each time I am closer and closer to giving in. I went to the Medieval last night to see if perhaps Cricket wrote back, but she did not.. or atleast one hasn't reached Bess for me yet. I believe though, that that was the end of our short-lived communications by mail. Is it possible to go insane from being alone? Not just alone as in no one to talk to.. but the life of a hermit. Seeing no one, hearing no one.. Ahkil used to tell stories of such things, he said I would probably have been one myself if they hadn't found me. Maybe then that was my destiny all along, and I was just sidetracked. Perhaps I am reverting backwards to that time. It is harder now to concentrate on things such as writing.. already I want to set this aside and do something else, but what I don't know. I miss days in the market place, I miss.. tormenting travelers on the side of the road.. But such things are like much too distant memories, now. Likened as to how I miss running through the jungles with Makiha in pursuit. I feel like I have been in these woods forever. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 15:20:14 11/05/01 Mon
5th day of Nuer'askan
Entry Sixteen
I never thought I'd see him again, especially without Cricket. But last night there he was.. my hands still shake somewhat when I think about it. Sho. I was hunting, and he came.. and damned if he wasn't like Ahkil standing before me once more. I feel that I could grow to love him like Ahkil.. there is so much to be learned from one such as he, I need that guidance so much. So very tempting.. he offered me, I think, an existance much like Cricket's. It was only in his weakness though, his hunger.. I don't really think he'd want to subject me to that, as I'm sure he wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. Still I think about it, but thought is dangerous. There seem to be just as many reasons to justify it as there are to stay away from it, and the former at times is more appealing. I wonder if it was this way for Cricket. Did they ask her? Was she at first adamant that it should not happen, then, did she slowly break down? Will it be that way for me? I say 'no, it won't' but you can never be sure. Another ten minutes in his presence and I think I would have let him do as he would. So sad.. he shouldn't be the only one to suffer as he does. Imagine.. me, showing compassion. But this doesn't seem a betrayal of my morals, it is different.. so much more significant and greater than my own strange values. Hell, I don't know what I'm saying.. Maybe it doesn't matter, maybe he won't come back. More than anything right now I wish to see Cricket. Gods, it has been so long.. too long. She could tell me what I need to hear right now. There are none but she who knows what this feels like, and I'd treasure any advice she would give. I wonder if she thinks of him still? Does she think of me? Who knows.. maybe the only thing she's thinking about is getting a tan in some tropical paradise. As for Tarek, I guess its only fair to mention that he's unhappily marrried, yes, or was last time I saw him.. not too long past. I care not to relate that story again, even for my own reading. I still imagine us all, one day.. sitting around when all tempers have cooled to a point where none of this matters anymore. Some time in the future where perhaps even Ciro and Tarek might meet and get along fairly well. It could happen, though probably closer to a time when half of us are walking with the aid of canes. There'd be no more disappearances, no fights.. only laughing. It would be peaceful, a comfort of friendship we all could use. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah Buhara
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Date Posted: 12:47:22 10/26/01 Fri
26th day of Ont'kan
Entry Fifteen
I still need to go to town, but something bothers me today. I don't know what.. it just seems that a familiar apprehension has taken over, much like the day they proclaimed it was Ahkil's time to go. I felt it all that morning, like a strumming in my heart and I was loathe to go hunting for fear he'd be gone for some reason whence I returned. He wasn't, but I soon got the news.. and knew the feeling had been telling me true. He used to call that intuition something, I can't recall what.. used to tell me that someday he was going to send me into the greater lands, all for the sake of getting money with one of the white peoples' games, because I would be able to sense cards or some such thing. He didn't live to do it. I found myself taking two extra checks around the woods just because of this all. Early in the morning, and after I had some food. Nothing wrong, none that I could see. Maybe something will come to me tonight, its possible. I can't imagine everyone believes this place haunted, though no one has dared to venture within my area yet. Maybe I am just missing my tribe again, missing Cricket. Last night I'd thought I had killed a large elk, and as I was dragging it back to camp.. the damned thing sprung up and tried to run. Reminded me of the time I had to drag one back for Cricket's friend R'Auco.. perhaps that why this sense of loneliness is hitting me harder. Gods, if Ciro was the one who talked her into leaving, or even encouraged it.. I'll hunt him down and beat him within an inch of his life until he tells me where she is. I am only fooling myself by saying that time will lessen this. Some days it seems so, but most days I just sit here, miserable. I was supposed to take her back to my homeland, someday. Some adventure that would be.. braving the elements as well as the bitterness of my people, where it that way. They might've welcomed her and done away with me, she holds so much charm I don't doubt she could woo them into anything. Hell, for all I know.. she could be there now. I rather like the thought, suppose she were sitting around a fire with Anazeh and Makiha.. and Ahkil's sons. They might tell stories of me, and she'd laugh and nod, as if everything I've done in my childhood reflects who I am as she knows me. It probably does.. I don't think I've changed all that much. Softened, perhaps.. but I guess unless you knew me then you wouldn't have thought it possible that Ahkil's Faizah could be anything less than the epitome of harshness and ruthlessness, except to Ahkil himself. In a few days time they would see that she reflects all the good parts of me, and all the bad aspects of myself are absent within her. The perfect version of myself, but at the same time her own person.. and completely different in that regard. Do I even make much sense? It's doubtful, but I am so tense right now.. I'd willingly give my soul to see her again. Hell, I'd have given my soul any day of the week if she demanded it of me. Or an arm, or a leg.. Maybe I didn't tell her that enough. Maybe if I had, she wouldn't have left.. she wouldn't have decided she might be better of elsewhere, with whomever she went with.. be it just she and her Gluepot or Ciro as well. Maybe its Sho. No, she gave him up. It could be any number of people I suppose. People from her past I've never even met.. maybe they coerced her into leaving. I could be self-pitieous and believe it was all my doing, but that's probably Tarek's job. If I know him at all, he'll be blaming himself as usual. I wouldn't know either way, as he's never around when I go into town. I'll have to check again soon, I'm dieing to see what sort of wild foals Sardonyx has mothered, and besides.. I still intend for Indigo to have one as her own. If Cricket were to ever come back to the Roost, I think she'd know right off who's spawn it is.. and she'd know that I'm trying in my own way to watch out for the girl. There are a few in town whom I've entrusted with my whereabouts, should something happen to her or news come. It's doubtful they'd dare the Cidaea woods alone, but they are keepers of their word.. I know the leathersmith would atleast send some of his working boys if he couldn't come himself. If I gather up enough willpower I'll get Bess her meats later tonight, maybe find a job to keep me in town for a few days. Perhaps this is what I need to do, this might be what my instinct is telling me. Maybe news that I won't have otherwise gotten will come? Only time will tell. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 11:02:57 10/23/01 Tue
23rd day of Ont'kan
Entry Fourteen
I saw Indigo the day I last wrote. She seems well, and I'm glad of that. The silence of these woods can sometimes be unnerving, only the call of the wild to fill ones ears. I've grown used to it quickly though, and I don't think I'd care to be anywhere else. Except perhaps with Cricket. Taking time off of working is good, I prefer eating my own kill rather than giving it up as I've always done. I spend my time now relaxing, fixing this makeshift shelter, hunting, and thinking. The first few days here I learned the layout of the land. It has already been put to memory. I am still in need of a horse, atleast until I go back for Sardonyx. When last I checked, the foals werent born and Tarek wasn't around. I didn't stay to talk, but I guess I should have waited to see if he'd come by. No doubt Cricket's disapearance has left him greatly upset, and I wonder how he fares. I wonder how Cricket is.. I hope she's doing damned well. She'd better be having a perfect time, wherever the hell she is. I've given up all hope of having people watch around. Its too expensive, and besides.. she isn't coming back. I think I've a clue what, or who, urged her to go. It all smells of Ciro, of that I'm certain. But what happens when he goes away again, as usual? There'd be no one to fall back upon then, unless she returns with her tail tucked between her legs. I don't think has more pride than that. Gods, I could very well be wrong in the entire thought.. but I don't know. Pain is dulled by anger, atleast for me.. Its probably better she didn't return for awhile, I don't know what I'd do: Hug her or beat her senseless. I may just return to town later today, I still owe Bess her meats and she won't wait forever. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 14:04:59 10/13/01 Sat
13th day of Ont'kan
Entry Thirteen
It has been nearly a week since I've seen a human face, and it brings back vivid memories. Sometimes I think of the night I left the tribe after Ahkil's death, and how I fell ill the very next week. It was only then I truly realized I was alone and would have to do all things by myself. I had a fleeting desire to go back, but I knew better. I'd be killed upon returning. The start of events that brought me eventually to a nice looking Inn, and to Cricket. Each thought seems to turn back to her, no matter what the subject is.. all the same with Ahkil. It will be like that forever I suppose. Two very special people plaguing my thoughts. Upon truly accepting she's gone, I had considered returning to my homelands. It would be interesting to see who is now leader among my peoples, and maybe by now they no longer harbor ill feelings towards me. In fact I'm sure they'd be more curious than cautious to see how I've been doing, to see how I've grown. I know I sometimes wish to see Anazeh and others. Many of the elders once agreed with Ahkil, that I would make a great leader. His goal was to stay strong until he could see me assume a position of such, but of course old age kept him from hunting.. and I care not to relive the memory. It is the children I grew up with that are now in power. The ones that followed me like lost puppies wherever I lead them. But I've gone off track. While considering returning there I came upon the Cidaea Woodlands. There is where I have decided to stay instead, at least for awhile. Some say its haunted, but I have yet to find evidence of that. Stupid men, there is nothing to fear but the fiercer animals that keep to this particular area.. More dangerous than most can handle, but I've seen worse. You just has to know how to protect yourself from them. So far I've been lucky in that respect, but I need to leave now and go to the market for provisions. I'f I'm going to be here as long as I suspect, I'll be needing a few things. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 11:10:23 10/07/01 Sun
7th day of Ont'kan
Entry Twelve
'You can't save those who haven't a care to be saved'. Such Ahkil has said, and many before him. Cricket is gone once more, except this time I am truly at a loss for why. Each time she disappears it is more and more difficult to find her again. I get the sinking feeling that she won't be coming back anytime soon. I will accept her need to get away, and I won't search for her. I don't think she wants me to. That though, is a hard pill to swallow. I had thoughts that we would grow old together, two ornery women sitting on the front porch of the Roost and scaring off kids by waving our rusty daggers and yelling obscenities. I think maybe I left her alone too much, but hunting is something so deeply rooted into me.. I miss her a great deal, and when I sit against our rock on the road.. I almost expect to see her coming in the distance. Or when I'm at the roost, to see her pretending to kick around the cat. I am no longer sure what my place is. The roost? I go to the roost for Cricket alone.. Indigo's food is a mere perk. I can't sit around on my ass and hope she'll grant us a visit though, as I wouldn't expect her to do. I feel as if a part of me is missing and it aches, but then.. I've had that feeling before. She isn't dead though, maybe that will help me sleep at night. Maybe she was trying to tell me something? Or maybe even Ahkil through her. No, she is her own person.. not Ahkil's vessel. And I will go with my instincts, as they've rarely proven me wrong. I'll check on Indigo as often as I may, but it's back to my roots. The forests. Not the one by the Roost, that's too close.. I know I'd indulge myself too often that way. But wherever I feel spoken to. For now I need to decide what to do with Sardonyx and the foals on the way. I don't know how to care for foals, but I'm sure Tarek has skill enough to raise them. I think I'll ask him to give one to Indigo when its rideable, that it should be my gift to her. Out of all of us, I think she has the most adjustments to make and I wish her all the luck. She is strong though, I sense it and I know she'll be alright. Sardonyx will come with me once she is able, it will be just the two of us then. A woman and her horse, I guess I shouldn't need more than that. But I do. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
majidah
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Date Posted: 12:49:14 10/03/01 Wed
3rd day of Ont'kan
Entry Eleven
Work has been keeping me fairly busy recently, many people think it best to stock up on meats now and use my services to do so. I suppose I don't need the money as much as I tell myself I do.. I just don't want to rely upon anyone but myself in those matters. Besides, I feel too caged in when I'm at the Roost. Its not that I displike the place, the Roost is now my home.. but before that my entire life was spent outside in nearly all conditions. It is seeming to become more unbearable each passing month. I fear soon I'll be sleeping in the yard. At the same time though, I'm very worried about Cricket. I haven't seen her as much as I'd like to, and I have no ne to blame for it but myself. She is strong though, I know I need not watch her every minute even though I'd like to. She brought up my feelings for Tarek not long ago and proposed the three of us together. Of course then I was upset with it, but now.. I don't accept it anymore, but it doesn't anger me. I actually find it amusing now. What I feel for him is but a phase, of that I'm fairly certain. He and I aren't at all right for eachother, even if it could be made to seem that way. Besides, he gives Cricket comfort that I cannot.. and even If I don't care to see it, I wouldn't want to change it. I found him at a tavern yesterday, and I was the first to bring it up. He seemed more embarrased than I, but I suppose that's because I find it more ironic than anything else. Of all people.. him. The tavern was so crowded we could hardly hear ourselves think, so we went back to the roost. Like I expected, he didn't much care for Cricket's idea.. and looked relieved when I told him it was out of the question. I gave him a pair of those boots, and then he went back home. I had hoped Cricket might be around, but Indigo said she was out. I couldn't wait around.. duty called, as it does right now. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
majidah
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Date Posted: 11:59:57 09/30/01 Sun
30th day of Sacr'askan
Entry Ten
I've had a bad feeling these last few days, and it grows worse with each passing hour. I have been unable to go back to the Roost.. though I sent a message back with a guard to tell Cricket, I don't really think it got there. It seems as I was hunting, the land was being signed over to someone for private use. They caught me and brought me to a damned judge! The judge seemed to be this man's friend, and none too familiar with me.. so of course I've been thown into their jail. The message to Cricket was given, with pay, to a guard.. a shady one, but he alone said he'd do the task. Gods, I feel like I need to be back there now. But soon, perhaps even today or tomorrow, they are to bring me out for a trial. Not that I think they've enough brains to make a just decision, but I should be able to make an escape if I'm not locked up in here. I only hope it isn't too late. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 19:53:33 09/26/01 Wed
26th day of Sacr'askan
Entry Nine
And I had been hoping I could mask emotions well.. I've done my best to try to avoid needing to do so, but it seems to have complicated matters further. It seems as though if its not one thing concerning he and I, its another. First I hated him, and now I find myself feeling very differently. Both hurt Cricket in the end. Not that anything will amount of this, nor do I want anything to.. I just want thing to be calm and normal as it was before he'd left. At any rate, there are enough trouble to deal with. I nearly caught Mantis last night, he was hiding within the forest while exchanging a few words with Cricket. I chased him, but he managed to get away. When I returned to the Roost, I found Tarek had gifts for us all. To me he gave a fine double-edged sword. It is so nice I fear tainting it with blood, so instead I think it will be placed in a prominent spot in my room. Still haven't figured out just where yet. Sardonyx has finally been taken to his place, it isn't safe for her here. Besides, he should take his fair turn dealing with damaged wood. I feel foolish now for failing to take the equine there myself, but had I to do it over again no doubt I would have done the same thing. It shouldn't be long now until the foals are born. No doubt less than a month. Both will have to display their ancestor's traits in order to survive in this chaotic environment. I wonder whom they'll resemble most. But for now I have to get back to hunting. I have found that boar here seem more healthy than those closer to the road leading to the Roost. It means a much longer excursion, but I've already killed two in just an hour. A wagon has been arranged to them all back the the roost when I'm finished. Perhaps if I get more than three or four I'll sell some at the market. It guess it really depends upon how much Cricket cares for bacon. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Msuings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 15:04:36 09/22/01 Sat
22nd day of Sacr'askan
Entry Eight
Much has happened since last I wrote.. but it would take too much time to go over it all. I have other things plaguing my thoughts. Tarek is back, after running off with the pain of knowing Ciro had returned; and that Cricket loves him more than she could love any other man. He came to us at a dockside dive upon finding the note Cricket left for me. I gathered the men were, atleast, not lieing about having known him, and apparently told him I missed him like crazy. I did. He looked on Cricket with so much affection it nearly made me choke.. for even I felt the heat of his gaze upon her. I need Ahkil's council more than anything. Especially now.. for Cricket has told me her own past mentor is back. Not at all like Ahkil, he gives her 'tests'. Tests which nearly manage to kill her. I would fight him, but of course Cricket is against it. She seems to think he is much too powerful a foe for me to go up against. It is always so. Every time I stand to defend her, she is against it. It hurts my pride, yes. Just once I wish her not to think me weak. I have fought an won against the odds many times. And how should she know he is so much better than I? I should like to hear her tell me "Do this, Faizah. I know you can handle it well." I am not a bitch dog vying for approval, but I feel I've earned that much. In her mind it seems I'm inferior to the Kindred, Cage, Ciro, Mantis.. hell, I wouldn't be suprised next she told me to be careful of Indigo because 'she doesnt want to see me dead'. I wonder how she finds me in good company, considering these grand champions of times past. But perhaps she treated them much the same? I don't know.. it may be because shes never seen me up against anything difficult. But I don't show off, and I wouldn't. Not even for this purpose. I wonder though what Ahkil would say.. many times he told me that I have to prove them wrong to get my respect, that I will always be looked down upon unless I gave them reason to see me as otherwise. At other times he's told me that it doesn't matter what others see me do. Respect isn't always earned through fighting. It can come from words, too. I guess the true wisdom lies in knowing when to apply which. Thank you, my matua. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 06:47:19 08/31/01 Fri
31st day of Auotien
Entry Seven
I had a run-in with Peridon's son a few days ago.. it seems he thought himself ready to go through with his master plan. Needless to say, all those involved are dead. That was the same night Cricket and I dumped that man into the bushes, and took a dead Savrah back to the roost. At the very least it was a good distraction, my mind was off being hunted and I got to spend more time with Cricket, however unpleasant the circumstances. Peridon has sent soldiers out to find me. I don't think he knows of the roost, but I wouldn't put everyone that stays there in harms way based on an assumption. His tracker is very good.. I've backtracked twice to see that they are indeed on to my trail. My main advantage is that I am alone and he travels with a group. Less than a year ago I craved such adventure, and found it often. Funny how things change with the thought of concerned friends looming and possibly in danger. All I want to do is get back as soon as possible. I don't know how long that will take.. I'm already a two days ride away and on foot. I think it safer if I merely steal horses when they're needed instead of bringing Sardonyx into this. I still haven't decided yet what to do. Sneaking up on their camp is risky, but it will buy me time. Time enough to get back to Peridon.. because I'm sure the chase won't stop until he is no longer alive to order it done. Such is all I have time to write for now. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 05:32:15 08/21/01 Tue
21st day of Auotien
Entry Six
We got into another argument again, but she said something that made me want to slap her across the face for such words. I came here to the stable to avoid doing such.. but I don't want to think on that now. I want to know what my damned last name is. Such a thing would hold the truth as to my origin, and family could be sought if I so chose to do so.. I want that comfort, to know that I could seek out someone of my own flesh and blood.
Cricket has just come and left the stables, taking her horse with her. She says she's going to find Ciro, but he's out at sea. I know it's going to anger her if she finds out, but I must follow.. something tells me I need to be there, if only in the shadows.
I can hardly write now, my hand is trembling so.. Ahkil, in the form of Cricket's Kindred Sho. I know it.. I can feel Ahkil in him, somehow. Another contradiction, for Ahkil hated those of that type.. even though they were thought only stories. I can't explain it.. only that I felt with him as I felt the day I met Ahkil, helpless and at another's mercy.. though there was no pride within them at the prospect. And again, as he bid me kill and release him.. much the same as it was with Ahkil, though this time I didn't do as asked. I can't kill him, even if I wanted to. I did, but I don't anymore. He suffers much in his own right, a silent despair that I cannot even touch upon with words. Cricket has found herself solace in a ship.. I'll not disturb her there. I know not if she is still angry with me. I, cannot stay angry at her for long. It went away as soon as concern surfaced as it always does. I don't know what I'll say to her when she returns. But for now, I'll sleep.. it is a rest much needed after so trying a night. I hope she too can find some peace tonight.. and he was well. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 19:36:18 08/19/01 Sun
19th day of Auotien
Entry 5
Cricket thinks me sleeping no doubt, and as she eats I take this time to write. I don't know how or why she gives into the cravings. I caught her with that mysterious traveler today, she doesn't know I watched most of the encounter. I couldn't stand watching, I didn't know what he'd do. Hesitation means fear.. maybe I'm in the wrong, but I refuse to be afraid of anyone. He doesn't scare me, I won't let him. Nor will I let anyone else. I think I'm going fairly stir-crazy here. My days are filled with tending the horses, talking to Cricket, helping Indigo with things.. and waiting. For all my vigilance, I still feel one step behind. Maybe that's why I'm so argumentative. Cricket and I had a spat over that traveler and the Kindred today. It got very heated at one point, but we both relented with some much needed laughter. I think if she wasn't so impressed by the way I stick around, she'd have kicked me out of her life by now. She needs people to stick by her, though. She needs someone like me to be constantly up in her business. I feel this is what Ahkil has told me. I need to keep her grounded.. and if I'm the only one that has the dedication do so, so be it. And even if she does kick me out, I'll lurk in the barn if I have to. I think Sardonyx is missing her regal equine friend, or perhaps we are attuned to one another. She seems just as restless as I. Cricket gave me something.. she calls it Galadriel's shard, or some such thing. It sends out a bright flashing light when the name is spoken. I know it can't be the only piece around, so I've asked the tanner in the market to keep a look out. Now there's a man I can get along with. I'd go on a search myself, but I'd rather wait until Kalima gets back. I don't dare voluntarily leave Cricket alone. I think I'll get some food now. This may indeed be the most amount of sucessive days I've ever spent not sleeping beneath the stars. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 01:35:11 08/15/01 Wed
15th day of Auotien
Entry Four
I have finally gotten Cricket's story out of her, and what a sad tale it is. It coincides somewhat with the stories of Ramheis' children, or Kindred as she calls them. She has an addiction to those that drink blood, and they to she. A destructive force, to be sure. And one fed from her last night as I lay sleeping and unaware. Even thinking on it now makes my anger arise. I was right there, and didn't stop it. She says that it isn't my fault, as those of Ramheis can make themselves silent.. but I do not care. She needed protection, and I simply did not give it. There are no excuses, not in my mind. I would go after this Kindred she is linked to, but she protests. Why? I do not know. Maybe because she still craves him, or maybe because she feels sorry for him. Both may indeed be the case, or not the case at all. Does she think me uncapable? I know nothing is truly impossible to defeat, and I don't accept failure from myself for long. I will wait for a good opportunity, then strike. She may be upset with me, but will realize it was a good thing in the end. Believe it or not, that was only part of our talk. She proposed an idea to me in all seriousness, and bid me think on it. The idea? To marry Tarek. I find such a thought amusing at best, but am greatly hurt.I don't know though what I should feel. It seems to her like a great idea. Tarek gets his throne and Cricket as his mistress. And I? I get to "rule", have my own people and fight for a country that isn't my own. She seems to think this my dream, and that is cause for much thought. Is that how simple I appear? Is that the general idea that my being open has wrought, or have I not been open enough? It certainly seems as though all my talking has been for shit. Not to say that I want to live in a seaside cottage with five children and a sailor, but.. hell, I don't know. I love my lifestyle as it is, but I need something with meaning, personal meaning.. and Tarek's life doesn't come close. And no one has even touched upon what Tarek would think of this little proposition. If she could actually talk him into it, she may be a better negotiator than Ahkil himself. However dear though she is to me, I don't think I could subject myself to such an existance. I hope to find a solution in all of this mess. And gods, more than ever.. I wish Ahkil where here to tell me what I should to do, to tell me what to tell Cricket.. I need his wisdom now. The Roost is now near, though. I must get Cricket inside and then decide what to do next. Atleast the issue will be stagnant until Tarek returns. I don't know if I could stand listening to Cricket's argument once again. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 13:12:03 08/14/01 Tue
14th day of Auotien
Entry Three
I've found Cricket, but a certain mishap due to the Amazon made her find us. Not part of my intentions, but it has worked out all the same. I fear there is much unspoken sadness within her heart, and I feel badly that we interrupted her time alone to think. But perhaps talk might prove better? I don't really think so.. so today I have given her space and am now in the mountains once again. It is tranquil here, and I find I like it. A refuge from the busy streets of RhyDin.. it almost reminds me of home. It is silent now, except for the wind. The raining, atleast, has ceased for now. I hope that Cricket decides to stay a few more days, despite the rickety cabin. I wonder how she came upon this place.. but I fear it is one of those things that cause grief within her so I stay silent. My ankle is sprained, but I suppose that's no big deal. It's not as if it hasn't happened before, though this time feels worse than the others. Ahkil's herbs would do me well about now. As would his wisdom. But wouldn't it always? I've missed two hunting expeditions with the asshole Peridon and his son. Perhaps they'll find someone else now.. seeing as I must appear unreliable. I doubt it though, they know they won't be able to find anyone more skilled than I. But I think I'll continue my walk now.. I have much to think about and I am going to get used to my damned ankle if it kills me. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 16:26:18 08/12/01 Sun
12th day of Auotien
Entry Two
I sit here upon a dank log, the sky has finally cleared enough for me to write without fear of blotting text within the pages. I have done a stupid thing today. Ahkil always said I should be more accepting of people, and for a time I thought him a hypocrite for saying such. He accepted me, but how many countless others did he send to death without a thought? After he died I heeded that bit of advice even less, and such I am as this today. I simply cannot accept Tarek. Not for lack of trying, but he makes the blood boil within my skin with the idiocy he displays. A childlike impatience. You would think he could spare a few gropes for an ounce of dignity, especially around guests. And then has the nerve to run of pouting. Cricket ran off, so the two of us called truce and I am here in the woods to follow her and make sure she is safe. Much like in the tribe when we went in search of our animals. I often had to keep watch over the kids, too.. even though I wasn't much older than they. My expectations are set too high, this I know but cannot change. If one does not measure up to Ahkil in someway, I am dissapointed and tempermental towards them. But Tarek atleast is making an effort to be by Cricket's side, and I must respect him for staying true. I must go for now, though.. It seems me and Cricket are not alone in this wood. Ta'kienta.
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Subject: Majidah's Musings
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Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 19:24:08 08/11/01 Sat
11th day of Auotien
Entry One
I was coerced into buying this today, and was told I should write my thoughts in it and keep it forever sacred. That, I think I shall do. I've never heard of keeping one's own journal, though my tribe used to keep a running record of everyone and important events. I shall use the language often in this journal, to be able to see it and be reminded.
I thought alot about Ahkil today. The encounter the other day with "Majidah" reminded me of the stories he used to tell. I sometimes think I hear him laughing, and I know he is proud. Even though I have left the tribe, I have made something of myself. I should be dead, but instead I am respected by many. I wish I could see him again, and sometimes I think I'd rather have Cricket meet him than selfishly keep his time to myself. I think his wisdom would heal her. I can only say what I think he'd say and hope it is enough to ease her silent suffering. I don't care for many, such is a known fact. But Cricket is like tribe to me. I know she can't fully understand that, but I believe she comes close to comprehending the meaning. She is the only one since Ahkil I've allowed to call me Faizah. And I like to think it was Ahkil himself who told me to give her that privilege. I had a dream last week that she was I those many years ago, and that Ahkil welcomed her. Welcomed her white skin just as surely as her amazing spirit. A sign. I truly think that he would have. I know.. I try to see Ahkil in everything. It is a habit that will not, nor do I want to, go away. My greatest fear is that his memory will dissapear within me, and that I'll not be able to recall his face. Sometimes its hard to do so, and I panic. But for now I must go and see the idiot in town. He wants me to continue teaching his disgusting, uppidy son to hunt. I hear them when they whisper behind my back.. the way they talk about my skin, and the plots among the son and his friends to tie me down and force me to comply with their lust. They'd never succeed, but their plans disconcert me.. I'd never show it though. They have Ramheis in them, that's what Ahkil would say. If the money wasn't so good, I would send an arrow into his tainted heart. Ta'kienta.
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(FYI: Skipped lines denote a passage of time in between writing. The character picture is taken from www.dars-home.com. More info concerning Majidah at her site. Feel free to post here in an OOC strand and tell me what you think! Also, if you want to see ALL her entries, give me an e-mail.)[ Contact Forum Admin ]
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